Archive for the ‘Harassment’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Appeal the Restraining Order

Jamaican woman on cell: Guess what? I don't stalk people anymore!

–Metro-North Train

Overheard by: Kristen

Guy to another: I know where you live. I could totally stalk you.

–PATH Train

Overheard by: fish

Man on corner holding many whistles for sale, wearing multicolored, umbrella hat: Young man, get one for your skateboard. Great for bikers, joggers, walkers, fast talkers and park stalkers!

–59th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Emily

Woman on cell: Right, right…I want to show him that's not me: I'm *not* stalking him…I'm *not* obsessed with him.

–West 66 Street & Freedom Place

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

40-something woman to sister (waiting for Daniel Radcliffe to come out after first preview of Equus: Okay, let's go. It's okay. I saw him last week, and I know where he lives.

–Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: ouch, you just elbowed me in the face, bitch

Wednesday's One-Liners Are Standing at Attention

Thug: Yo, man! What color are my nipples? What color are my nipples?!

–LaGuardia High School

Teen to friend: Calm yo black nipples! Calm yo black nipples!

–Union Square

Overheard by: hairy pink nipples

Girl to friends: The idea of some machine sucking on my nipples just terrifies me!

–Bathroom, NYU

Overheard by: Trying to pee in peace

Random girl: Yeah, I have like four nipples.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Nameless

Tall beautiful 30-year-old curvaceous brunette in stockings and pumps on cell: I was like: "you're preaching about non-violence and you're touching my nipple!"

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Janusz

Is “First Position” Supposed to Involve a Head in a Crotch?

Young girl: Mom, I don’t want to go to ballet!
Mother: Sweetie, you have to. I paid four hundred dollars for one lesson. If you think you’re gonna back out of this now…
Young girl: But mom, the teacher touches me!
Mother: Well, damn it, he can touch you as much as he wants for the four fucking hundred dollars I spend every week!

–60th St & 4th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: kristen

Presenting the Wednesday One-Liners Lollipop

Girl: He’s like, "Why so cold?" and I’m like, "You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear."

–43rd & 9th

Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ruin our friendship?

–W 4th Street

Eight-year old boy: Can I please lick your eyeball, mom?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: thankfully, not the mom

20-something woman talking to friends: So, having some guy really close to your ear with his tongue out is the most horrifying thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the subway. He emptied, like, an entire tube of toothpaste on my hair and back and then proceeded to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bathroom. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I didn’t feel clean until I got home and took a shower.

–Gift Shop, The Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Lauren Weiss

Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass.

–Astor Place Subway Station

Overheard by: Shane and Sammy

Pretentious redhead: So I said, "Please don’t lick me. I’m just trying to do my job."

–Uptown E Train

Overheard by: wondering where she works

So Much Classier to Just Hide in the Bushes

Suit #1: Dude, he’s SO strange. You know I walked passed his desk yesterday and he was researching stuff on his computer about religion. Some multicultural shit or something.
Suit #2: Woah.
Suit #1: Yeah, I know. [Pauses.] You know I bet he’s like one of those guys that dates a girl and calls her all the time and stalks her.
Suit #2: Totally.

–Starbucks, 30th and Park

Overheard by: Faetra