Archive for the ‘Hard Drugs’ Category

“This One Time, at Wednesday One-Liner Camp…”

Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist. –Outside Fairway, 72nd St Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious! –Spiegelworld Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese! –Pratt Institute Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!" –Pathmark Overheard by: Another band geek 30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin! –Port Authority Bus Terminal Overheard by: KTizzle

Do Wednesday One-Liners Amuse You? Do They Exist to Make You Laugh?

Professor: Fat people are often funny. –Baruch College Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny! –Riverdale Overheard by: Caitlin Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow! –F Train Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it. –8th St & Broadway Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny. –Williamsburg

Someone Should Complain to Her Soup-ervisor

Bag lady: Ladies and gentlemen, my husband and I are homeless. We can’t stay at our shelter during the day so we come on the train to get food. Today we are asking for money so we can do laundry. Anything you can give will help.
Hobo: Why don’t you just admit that you’re gonna buy crack? I’m in the same line of work, don’t believe her. –N train

What Self-Respecting New Yorker Can’t Distinguish Between a Pothead and a Crackhead?

White trash girl, looking out of bus window: Look at Ed*. He looks like a fucking lumberjack. He needs a shave.
White trash guy: That Ed* -he’s a fucking crackhead.
White trash girl: I thought he smoked pot?
White trash guy: Crack, pot -what’s the difference?
Hipster guy sitting behind them: Excuse me, I’m Ed*’s best friend. He’s definitely a pothead. He never does crack. But he does look like a lumberjack. –Q54 Bus