Archive for the ‘Headline Contest Winners’ Category

Depends on the Face

Barfly: It was a term of endearment.

Bouncer: A term of endearment is not punching someone in the face. –2×4, 2nd Ave & 4th St Overheard by: Cait O’Connor (and Foley)

Headline by: Dave Barnette
Runners-Up: · “And Assault Isn’t A Spice, Either” – Kathy

· “Aww, you just feel left out.” – Alaine

· “He Said He Wanted Another Hit” – Playtah

· “He’s playing hard to get” – Jeri Rosenblum

· “C’mon, it’s not like she was pregnant…” – laura c

· “It doesn’t count if you don’t leave a mark.” – Scott

· “Welcome to New York” – shorty

· “Another dropout from the school of hard knocks” – jm

· “Barflies Mate Every 48 Hours” – red

· “No, That’s a Term of Three To Ten” – Boyhowdy

· “Dad has a lot of explaining to do” – Mr. Uncreative

· “For endearment, you tend to go for the groin” – ruth

· “Tyler Durden: The Final Years” – Mr. Nobody

· “Punchline” – Robert Katz

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Finally, Someone Understands That the Terms Are Mutually Exclusive.

Dude: I don’t want coffee, I want Starbucks! –Bleecker & Thompson Overheard by: office peon Headline by: desire Runners-Up:
· “And For The Last Time, I’m Not From The Bronx; I’m From Riverdale!” – Gutterlush
· “Howard Shultz: Don’t Call It a Comeback, It That Easy, G!” – Drewp
· “I Can’t Decipher That Small, Medium, Large Jargon They Use Everywhere Else.” – Jessie Birks
· “Overheard in Seattle: Shit, They Know” – digital hash
· “The Top Conerns Of the Nation: War, Peace, and Finding a Starbucks” – abbitt the rabbitt
· “Yeah, Well I Really Don’t Think We Have Time For a Handjob, Joe.” – Idiocracy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

This Is Worse Than That Time He Pooped Out Those Kittens

Black girl: I can’t believe we just went to the hospital to find out that your cat has no sex.
White girl: What?
Black girl, louder: That your cat has no sex!
White girl: Oh, yeah! I can’t believe my male cat has no penis! –3 train Overheard by: office peon Headline by: Garrett Berg Runners-Up: · “Cat: Why don’t you just announce it to the whole goddamn train!” – morgz · “Garfield and the angry itch” – jeff · “I think I’ll call him Neuter Gingrich” – SNA · “The Penis Makes the Pussy” – Adam
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wow, what a dick.

Guy: Yeah, these Speedos won’t work for me. My dick’s too big for them. They never fit right.
Shopgirl: I’ve never seen a customer with that problem. Let’s see what else fits your.. you. –Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway

Headline by: jgordon
Runners-Up:
· “A cock and bull story” – Guy · “Finally, it matters.” – Ben Allaire

· “Try to contain yourself” – Jenny

· “We’ll just ignore the fact that your ass is too big for them, too” – Silvyr


· “Talk about a suspicious package…” – girlhattan

· “Clerks III: Bigger, Longer, Uncut” – JB

· “Everybody Wants to Fit In” – Dave Barnette

· “Pop Goes The Weasel” – Paul

· “He has the same problem with hats” – Kendal

· “If she keeps talking like that, they’ll fit even worse.” – bill

· “Quite a Pickle” – Dave Barnette

· “Speedon’t” – Sean McGurr

· “Too big for his britches” – suzie g

· “I am one size fits all” – twosko
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Then I Can’t Help You because You’re Not Real

Brit: Hello, my HSBC debit card isn’t working at the ATM. The bank probably thinks there’s fraudulent activity since I’m in America and not in England.
Teller: Okay, I’ll check it out… I can’t seem to find your account, sir. What’s your social security number?
Brit: Huh?
Teller: Your social security number — do you not have one?
Brit: No…
Teller: Hmmm. Okay… –HSBC, 40th & 5th Overheard by: Rachel W. Headline by: have SSS #, am real Runners-Up:
· “…Then Please Sing the National Anthem.” – pbump
· “How About Your Penis Size, Then?” – Mikey G.
· “I’ve Contacted Homeland Security. Enjoy Syria.” – Daniel Patterson
· “Okay I Need You to Fill Out IRS Form W-7 and Apply for a Tax Id Number and Then Come Back to This Counter in 4-6 Months.” – Ty
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

She’s Working Her Way through My Address Book. Today She’s on the Ds.

Girl #1: Hey, how’re you doing?
Girl #2: Hey! Aren’t you–?
Girl #1 slaps girl #2, then runs away screaming: You’re a fucking bitch!
Girl #2 on cell: Hello, Alex*? This is Diane*. I haven’t seen you in, like, three years, so could you please explain to me why your ex-girlfriend, whom I’ve never met, just slapped me and called me a bitch? Call me back, thanks, bye. –Starbucks, 4th & University Overheard by: Chitin Headline by: David Terrenoire Runners-Up:
· “Girl, Interrupted” – Cooper Cheatham
· “I think it had to do with that one time my penis was in your vagina….” – ryan
· “Lucky to only get half the clap in return” – Brian A
· “Maybe Because You Still Have Me on Speed Dial After 3 years?” – Bobita
· “When Alibis Attack” – Barry Negrin
· “When you dump someone, you’re dumping everyone they’ve ever dumped.” – Ed Maudlin
· “You also might want to check on the pet rabbit” – will1966
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Plus, She’s Deaf. And German.

Man: I’m thinking about learning Japanese so I can speak to my wife’s grandmother.
Lady: That’s cool.
Man: Nah, actually, I don’t think I will. She’s old and only has a couple of years left anyhow. Forget it. –E 19th & Park Ave South Headline by: boyhowdy Runners-Up:
· “Besides, I Hate When She Talks During Sex” – Trey Jackson
· “But Those Gums Look So Soft & Enticing…” – wvs
· “Come to Think Of It, Maybe We’ll Stop Feeding Her, Too.” – Bobbing for Lucky Charms
· “He Clearly Has No Idea Just How Long Japanese Women Live” – Gaijin
· “Man, Fuck Old People.” – RaRa
· “She Can’t Be That Old. I Mean, Your Wife’s 14.” – RaRa
· “THAT’S for Pearl Harbor” – Daniel Patterson
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

“Heterosexuality” – New to the PSP

Guy #1: Oh my god, dude!
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I just lost the game.
Guy #2: Faggot! –Hudson & Leroy Overheard by: Jason Smith Headline by: David S Runners-Up:
· “After Every Game in the Detroit Lions Locker Room” – PeterG
· “It’s All in the Wrist.” – Coyoty
· “Thanks Overheard, Now We’ve All Lost! Http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_(mind_game)” – Jen
· “This Is the Last Time Bob Played Homo / No Homo” – BabakganoosH
· “Well, the Game WAS “Only Hit on the Girls”…” – Punzie
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

It's Like the MySpace of Birds

Truly urban son: Look, mom, an eagle!
Mom: No, Gabe, it's just a pigeon. –The Bronx Overheard by: Natasha Headline by: Brian Runners-Up:
· “But It’s a Bronx Pigeon, So It Acts Like an Eagle” – PeterG
· “Kudos to the Science Teachers at P.S. 51” – Los
· “The Cash-Strapped Bronx Zoo Wasn’t Fooling Anyone” – Coyoty
· “The True Symbol Of America” – BabakganoosH
· “This Is the Bronx, Let Him Dream…” – Lacey
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

That Explains All Those Cuts on My Penis!

Dude #1: Oh, The Spiderwick Chronicles is out!
Dude #2 (in awe): Dude, did you see that?
Dude #1: Yeah, it was amazing!
Dude #2: Yeah? How were the graphics?
Dude #1: Dude–amazing!
Dude #2: Dude–you have braces!
Dude #1: Yeah, dude, I told you. God! –Blockbuster Overheard by: brianfair Headline by: mike Runners-Up:
· “And the Winner for Youngest Bro Of the Week Goes To….” – jumpstop
· “Ashton Kutcher Needs to Stop Producing Reality TV” – D. Emmy
· “Even Siskel & Ebert Had to Start Somewhere.” – space coyote
· “Life Imitates Ashton Kutcher Films…” – Duuude
· “Someone’s Getting Laid Tonight!” – lisa
Click here to see the new Headline Contest