Archive for the ‘Headline Contest Winners’ Category

Who Else Here Misses 'Boy Meets World'?

Teenage girl: Do you want to come?
Teenage boy: I want to come in your mouth.

–Broadway & 14th St

Overheard by: casey

Headline by: Postteen

Runners-Up:
· “A Young Christina Aguilera Gets Inspired” – PeterR
· “I’m Saving That Honour For Edward Cullen” – wirrrn
· “Just Let Me Take My Retainer Out This Time” – tatts
· “Oh, You Just Got Uninvited” – Stephanie Goe
· “Today’s ESL Class: Resolving Ambiguity With Prepositional Phrases” – Rionn Fears Malechem


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One Nation, Under the Crown

Australian guy: Hey there, mate! I was just wondering if you were hiring staff.
Irish bar man: Yeah, we are, but you will have to speak with the boss. He is gonna be back in about 10 minutes. Do you have any experience?
Australian guy: Well, yeah, I’ve been doin’ this for about three years back home in Sydney.
Irish bar man: That’s great… Sure, I’ll put in a good word for you. I’m getting sick of all the foreigners that they keep hiring.


Headline by: Barry Negrin


Runners-Up:
· “52-Across: “Foreigners” Ans: N-O-N-W-H-I-T-E” – Eddie
· “Between the Long Islanders and the Brooklynites, this place is going to hell” – M.dubz
· “I only hear in black and white” – h
· “I’ll have a shot of contradiction with an irony backer” – LN
· “It’s getting so hard to find people who speak American.” – Noh
· “See? Even THEY Can’t Tell Their Accents Apart!” – Jatmos
· “Will the last American to leave NYC please remember to bring the flag?” – Beth
· “You should have seen this Injun that came in yesterday” – trainedmonkey




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Moist Wipes For All Escaping Religous Persecution

Little girl: Mommy, I’m hot. Can we swim in there?
Mom: No, sweetie. Everyone in New York poops in that river. –Ferry to Ellis Island
Headline by: agela abdullah
Runners-Up:
· “And Your Turn to Poop in it Isn’t Until February” – Ryan
· “Great, I Need to Top up my Tan!” – SpaceBee
· “I Hear the McDonald’s Pool in the Back is Nice This Time of Year” – Lifeguard Larry
· “Like the Backseat of Your Volvo, Mommy?” – Jeff
· “M. Night Shamalan’s Next Script Idea” – Bevan
· “That’s the New Definition of ‘Hipster.'” – Matthew K Johnson
· “The Statue of Liberty Isn’t Holding a Torch; She’s Lighting a Match.” – erak
· “Well, the Rich People Can Afford to Poop in Long Island Sound” – M.D.
· “Well, Yes. That’s Why I Asked.” – Greg

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White Folks Still Claim Jesus Was A Cracker

Teen boy: Do you know where I can find those Communion wafers? I want to eat them with salsa.
Friend: Um, you can’t just eat those. It’s the body of Christ. –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: Jason
Headline by: Bored Beyond Belief
Runners-Up:
· “Besides, Three Days Later You’ll Be Hungry Again” – Sparky
· “…And After Three days, He Arose, with Craving for Pico de Gallo” – Russ Wall
· “…And They’re 2000 Years Past Their Expiration Date” – John
· “And Stop Putting Salt on the Rim of the Chalice” – Amy Stephenson
· “Betcha Can’t Transubstantiate Just One” – chris
· “Body of Satan Has More Tang Anyway” – Jessica
· “Friends Don’t Let Friends Go to Church Stoned” – Pix
· “If Jesus Wanted Us to Eat Him with Salsa, He’d Be Appearing on Tortillas…. Oh… Wait.” – ilemanzer
· “Look for the Bag Marked ‘Corpus Crispy'” – Slept thru the Sermon
· “My God Stays Crunchy in Milk” – Benedict
· “That’s What You Said about the Last Donut, Too” – SDP
· “The Next Special Ingredient on Iron Chef” – dan
· “They’re Best Served with Dogma” – zg
· “Try the Taco Bells of St. Mary’s” – jules

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I Went to NYC and All I Got Was This Rash

Drunk tourist flirt: It was verrry nice meeting you all, and I hope to see you all again real soon! [Shakes hands with local teens, then leaves.]
Local teen, to friends: Yo, she wanna fuck e’rybody!

–4 train

Overheard by: Not Me

Headline by: VeggieGirl

Runners-Up:
· “As If We Need to Import That or Something” – gib

· “I Went to NY and All I Got Was Bukkake” – Ken H.
· “Reader Survey
: Britney, Paris, or Lindsey? Vote Now!” – Fleetline

· “She Ran Out Of Folks to Fuck Back in Iowa.” – Redneck Jedi
· “Southern Hospitality Is the Shizzle” – The Heiress


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If They Were Designer Genital Warts, I’d Reconsider…

Chick #1: What’s wrong, sweetie?
Chick #2: Well, for the past few weeks I’ve had… [lowers voice] genital warts.
Chick #1: Oh my god, sweetie. I’m so sorry. [Goes to hug friend, then stops] Oh, wait. We probably shouldn’t touch.

–Knockoff purse stall, Chinatown

Overheard by: Kelly


Headline by: Mike Chmiel


Runners-Up:
· “Don’t worry – circle, circle, dot, dot takes care of everything” – Melissa
· “I probably shouldn’t be sleeping with your boyfriend either.” – Rachel
· “Or we could just not hug with our vaginas” – Matt
· “We also should avoid rubbing our genitals on the same doorknob” – Mdan




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Damn, Son, I Was Born Goin’ Down

Suit #1: I mean, it was crazy — first this lady has a kid in the elevator, and then about a week later, another lady’s water breaks in the same elevator.
Suit #2: I would have hated to be the guy to mop that up.
Suit #1: That elevator shaft is like a friggin’ fallopian tube!

–2 train

Overheard by: Paul


Headline by: dank


Runners-Up:
· “And Park Slope Is Like a Cum-Soaked Uterus” – t.a.m.s.y.
· “At least it’s not menstruating like that elevator in The Shining” – Chris
· “In Similar News, The Lobby Stairwell is Closed for Yeast Infection Maintenance” – Maeve K
· “P.C. Pimps Don’t Push ‘Em Down The Stairs Anymore” – elrobinder
· “Push! Push! No, push the BUTTON!” – Julia
· “The Fertile Ascent” – Benzero
· “The Pussyseidon Adventure- 2006″ – smscpw
· “The elevator is still better than having to make small talk with the guy who performs abortions in the stairwell” – Raden Mutter
· “Where do you stand on partial-floor evacuations?” – Kevin Perry




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The CDC Has Issued a Travel Advisory

Boyfriend, looking at girlfriend's iPhone: Who is this guy Nick that you're talking to?
Ditzy girlfriend: Whatever…you don't have to worry about him. He's from New Jersey, so I would never touch him.
Boyfriend: What's that have to do with anything?
Ditzy girlfriend: Hello! Everyone knows that everyone in New Jersey has STDs!

–7 Train

Headline by: kate

Runners-Up:
· “Experience=Wisdom” – Fresca

· “I Only Cheat on You Within the Five Boroughs” – The Cleveland Kid
· “It’s Why They Have 50 Different Words for Painful Urination” – Brother Elmer
· “Nick
: I Told Her That’s Not What “Suburbia” Is…” – Porter

· “Why Lincoln & Holland Toll Takers Wear Gloves” – Leary Blaine


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Michelangelo Always Was Too Sensitive About David.

Guy #1: Oh yeah, let’s all take a picture of the big fucking stone thing because it’s really old!
Arsty guy: Shut up, asshole.

–the met

Headline by: Eddie

Runners-Up:
· “Geologically Speaking, It’s a Young Fucking Stone Thing.” – Peter Manther
· “Hmmm, Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Stabbed My Etiquette Coach” – Jimmy
· “Mick Visits the Met” – bb
· “No One Likes Sightseeing With Frank Gehry Anymore” – Jeff`
· “She Was Awesome in Basic Instinct” – Craig should be working
· “Why Flashes Are Not Allowed at Rolling Acres Assisted Living.” – Karl


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Like I said, ‘Look! It’s Daryl Hannah!’

Teenage tourist, pointing: Mom, look! It’s Daryl Hannah!
Mom: Honey, that’s not Daryl Hannah. That’s one of those transgender people. –Downtown 6 train, 77th St Overheard by: Anne
Headline by: pontiac
Runners-Up:
·
“As I Always Say, ‘If You Can’t Tell, It Doesn’t Matter.'” – Dave
· “Must Be Nicolette Sheridan’s Day Off.” – target="_blank">seamus
· “Not to Mention She’s still Tied to a Walnut Tree in LA” – Liz!
· “Perhaps the Blade Runner Left an Angry Inch” – megs
· “So That’s Where She Went.” – Eamon Stimson
· “Technically, They’re Both Right” – Wes Mantooth
· “Tom Hanks Thought It Was a Fish Tail.” -peter
· “Who Says ‘Ambiguous’ Isn’t a Classic Look?” –
Dame Droiture

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