Archive for the ‘Headline Contest Winners’ Category

Little Did He Know Her Credit Came With Zero Interest

Hispanic guy, noting hot chick passerby: Hey, baby.
Hot chick: (rolls eyes)
Hispanic guy: (takes off shirt and puts it on the ground for her to walk over)
Hot chick, stopping: I'll give you some credit for that one…but fuck off. (continues walking)

–50th & 9th

Overheard by: passerby

Headline by: ddv

Runners-Up:
· “A Dramatization Of Citibank’s Credit Protocol” – NoCredit

· “But…I Would Have Taken You to 4th Meal!” – Maddy
· “How Many Credits Do I Need to Save Up For a Blowjob?” – mark
· “It Was a Bad Day To Forget That He Was Wearing a Sports Bra” – Nick Pollotta
· “Matthew McConaughey Finally Gets Some Cred….” – RaindanceRichard
· “Next Time He Won’t Give a Shirt” – Sim Etrias
· “Raleigh Gets the Old “Fuck Ye” From Elizabeth Yet Again” – Laureen


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Rent sucks. Period.

20-ish girl #1: Ugh! I feel like total crap right now.
20-ish girl #2: Is it your time of the month?
20-ish girl #1: Yeah. I have to pay the rent.

–Grand Central

Headline by: J-oh

Runners-Up:
· “I Had to Sign in Blood.” – ewwww
· “It Costs a Lot to Have a Womb with a View” – Marv in DC
· “PM-Escrow” – jodles
· “Still Less Expensive Than a Nine-month Eviction.” – Ike
· “Why Rent When You Can Moan?” – JEE
· “With Money From My Menstrual Art” – Aku


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

No Difference to a Lonely Hawaiian

Girl #1: I find it tart, too. Also kind of musky and a little sweet.
Girl #2: Mmm. Wait! Are you talking about pineapple or pussy? –Washington Heights

Headline by: Jay B
Runners-Up:
· “A little bit of everything goes into an Orange Julius” – Mike
· “A normal conversation between two airport drug smugglers” – Scott
· “And Why is This Tasting Room So Crowded?” – Greg Costello
· “Can it be both?” – saltwater
· “Pussy! But not yours. Yours is nasty.” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Pussy.” – Ray
· “That’s why the Hawaiian word for pineapple is “poon”” – marcusj
· “The One with the Hole in the Middle” – DanC
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Child Left Behind

SAT prepping kid #1: What’s hydrolysis?
SAT prepping kid #2: Dude, don’t you play Grand Theft Auto? Hydrolysis is what makes the cars bump up and down.
SAT prepping kid #3: Um…Hydrolysis is the splitting of things in water.
SAT prepping kid #2: Whatever. Same thing. –2 train near Borough Hall Overheard by: Everclear
Headline by: Dave Schavone
Runners-Up:
· “Rollin’ in His H20″ – JP
· “Another Roads Scholar” – Emily
· “It’s San Andreas’s Fault” – boods

Honorable mentions:
· “Only Aquaman Knows For Sure” – Sara Swank
· “Putting the “Dense” in Reverse Condensation” – Elan
· “The Sad Part Is, They All Got Into Brown” – Betsy
· “They Had Their Ups and Downs, then Splitsville” – Steven Foster
· “He Learns By Osmosis” – melissa coubrough
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

If These Balls Could Talk, They’d Say the Same Thing

Angry chick: I am so mad at you right now!
Boyfriend: Sorry, babe. It’s not my fault you’re still on your period.
Angry chick: I wasn’t talking to you, Jake*, I was talking to my ovaries.

–Morton St

Overheard by: these walls are paperthin


Headline by: Damo


Runners-Up:
· “I Apologize for Ovaryacting” – Katherine Duke
· “Quiet! We’re Trying to Decide Whether or Not We’re Going to Trap You into Marrying Us.” – Kara
· “The Whore Moans” – Stephanie L
· “You Could Always Get Rid of Them, and Earn 19 More Cents An Hour” – Kristen
· “You could have prevented this if you stopped wearing that damn condom.” – Josh H




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Jim Henson’s Charles Manson Babies!

Little boy stabbing balloon man with a balloon sword: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
Balloon man: Goodbye! Be good, everyone!
Little boy, still stabbing: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Rick Felice


Headline by: Matthew


Runners-Up:
· “And if that doesn’t do it, I challenge you to water pistols at dawn!” – Cynthia
· “Except you, kid. You go fuck yourself.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “He Who Lives By The Balloon…” – Hobo Whisperer
· “You too, Brutus.” – Aeirlys




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

See What You've Started, Beyonce?

Guy #1, yelling: Fuck yeah! Put that one in the satchel!
Guy #2: That had “skankalicious” written all over it.

–35th & 7th

Overheard by: GJL

Headline by: Porter

Runners-Up:
· “Britney’s Got a New Clothing Line?” – Ray
· “In Accordance With the New Truth in Graffiti Regulations” – bq
· “It’s the New “Gucci”” – JohnnyB
· “Someone Tell Fergie to Stop Making Up Song Titles” – Botticus
· “The New Mariah Carey Doll Created Unexpected Collectors” – EddieA


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Tuesdays with Morrie Used to Be Way Less Awkward

Guy #1 holding porn DVD: I would so love to fuck a girl that was into DP.
Guy #2: Yeah, me too, but ball touching is so gay, and I’m trying to recover from the cock.


Headline by: Will


Runners-Up:
· “Because hot cock requires cold turkey” – Greg Costello
· “He also just had laser surgery for his masturbatory blindness” – remark
· “I know dad, i know.” – nick
· “I think there’s a 12 inch program for that.” – nick
· “Rectum? That rooster nearly killed ‘im!” – Dalton
· “Step One: Stop going to the porn shop with your “buddy”” – DanaLishs




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Like my sister.

Man: I am concerned about breeding.
Friend: Breeding?!
Man: Yeah, you know — Jews are pretty inbred. I’m probably going to have kids with three fingers or something. I should have married someone into running — big and athletic.

–Central Park Reservoir

Headline by: Brooklyn Twang

Runners-Up:
· “But Jews Do Run. They Run Everything.” – Rottin’ in Denmark
· “Instead Of That Gimp Cousin Of Mine” – Uberjim
· “The E in EHarmony Stands for Eugenics” – quazarfreez
· “The Final Solution 2.0″ – Scott Gresham
· “They’re Called Germans: But They May Not Be So Into That…” – Caitorade
· “You Know, Someone Who Could Win a “Master Race”” – Mike T


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

It’s A World Of Laughter, A World Of Tears

Thirtysomething woman: You used to go to Disney World too? I LOVED that place.

Thirtysomething man: Yeah…What was the name of the part with the big carousel? You know, something Square…it was like the center of the park.

Thirtysomething woman: I don’t know…

Thirtysomething man: Tiananmen Square? Was that it?

Thirtysomething woman: Yeah! That sounds familiar..
–R train Headline by: Pam
Runners-Up:

· “Match.com really does work!” – katie andrews

· “Even less fun than Euro Disney” – MattyQ





Honorable Mentions:

· “Little known fact: Mao Zedong had a season pass” – Colleen Kerney

· “Where the rides are worse then the lines” – Mark Manne

· “Yeah, that part was a riot” – Skepna

· “No, No, Universal is NEXT DOOR” – Katie

· “He looked it up on google.cn” – Ingwall

· “And people were dying to get in” – Melanie Mahoney

· “Mickey Mao’s Club” – Dave Barnette

Click here to see the new Headline Contest


Today’s headline contest is being sponsored by HBO. The winner and runners-up* will all receive the complete Season 2 DVDs of Entourage.
Check out the season 3 premiere this Sunday, June 11th at 10pm!




(* Amended so that we could include more honorable mentions!)