Archive for the ‘Headline Contest Winners’ Category

Although for Some Reason I've Never Seen My Girlfriend and My Mom in the Same Room…

Thugette: Hurry up, motherfucker!
Thug: Hey! I ain't never ever fucked my mother!

–40th & 8th

Headline by: subtleglow

Runners-Up:
· “Don’t Be Vulgar, We Made Love!” – lisha dlp
· “See How He Slipped in That Double Negative? Sly…” – funkstar
· “She Has Standards, After All” – Terry B
· “That Makes One Of Us” – John T


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Beacause Stupid Is Truly Colour Blind

MoMA desk rep: Today is free. Take your tickets.
MoMA guest: Are the tickets free? How much?
MoMA desk rep: No. For you, twice as much.
MoMA guest: Why? Cause I'm black?

–MoMA

Overheard by: Oh Kelly…

Headline by: The Limey

Runners-Up:
· “I Think a Child Was Left Behind” – samson

· “No, Because You’re Stupid… But Those Might Be Related” – john grisham
· “No, Cuz You Aint Learnt Your Zero Times Tables” – no math wiz but
· “The NYC Stupidity Tax Still Catches People by Surprise” – Ron D.
· “Yes, You’ve Heard Of Ladies Night? This Is White Day” – Leary Blaine
· “You’re Black Yet You Don’t Understand the Concept Of a Free Government Handout?” – BenGay


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Bet This Pisses Off Osama More Than You

Lady #1, looking at Time Warner buildings: Oh, look, it's the twin towers!
Lady #2: Well… but like, those aren't the real Twin Towers… cuz, they like… fell.
Lady #1: Well, they're twins too, aren't they?

–Columbus Circle

Headline by: Chuckles

Runners-Up:
· “Oh, Look! The Octo-Towers!” – Octomom

· “Some Porn Movies Shouldn’t Even Try to Have Dialogue” – Twin Peaks
· “They’re Fraternal, Right?” – Chelsie
· “Yeah, the Anorexic Looking One Is the Mary-Kate Tower” – Errrrrn


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Apparently, Someone Is Acquainted with NASA's Standards for Launch-Readiness

Drunk girl: I'm unzipped and unbuttoned.
Passer by: Ready to go!

–Rubulad, Brooklyn

Headline by: unzipped, but buttoned.

Runners-Up:
· “…To the Bathroom!” – CherryPie

· “…To the STD Clinic” – JuzouShades
· “And Just Like That, Debbie Does New York Was Well on Its Way” – Buck Neked
· “Thunder! Thunder! HO!!!!” – John
· “Why Work for Sex When You Can Grab Low Hanging Fruit?” – the evan


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Standby for the World's First $12 Cup o' Cocoa

Patron to bartender goon: I'll have a hot cocoa, please.
Bartender goon: Cocoa? What the fuck do I know about cocoa?

–Diner, 14th St & 6th Ave

Headline by: Leary Blaine

Runners-Up:
· “His Mom Used to Give Him Beer Before Bedtime” – Vasyl

· “It’s Like a Hot Carl, but with Marshmallows” – I’ll have one straight up
· “It’s Like a Sex on the Beach, Only with Dark Sand” – Sandy Paws
· “Just Kidding… Password Accepted; Third Door on Your Right” – Dustin
· “The Same Question That Got Him Fired from Starbucks” – version
· “Unless You’re Referring to That Stripper That Used to Work Here” – Ramsey
· “Way to Go Glen Cocoa” – Mean Girlz


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In Her Defense, Most People Totally Suck

20-something girl: That's because your girlfriend hates me!
20-something guy, slightly chuckling: She doesn't hate you… she hates everyone.

–Times Square

Overheard by: sounds like a keeper

Headline by: slowly losing faith in people

Runners-Up:
· “…But It Wouldn’t Hurt to Lose a Little Weight” – ThugAuditor
· “God, I Love Her Genocidal Tendencies” – Duncan Pflaster
· “I Told You, We Met at the Nazi Rally” – The Drifter
· “Now, If You’ll Excuse Me, I Have to Punish Myself for Saying That” – Jason
· “Or at Least Everyone I Want to Sleep With” – sagert
· “She Doesn’t Discriminate” – beans
· “She Even Hates Life Cereal” – Let’s Get Mikey
· “What I’m Really Trying to Say Is She Won’t Hate You More If We Fuck” – Zak
· “Which, OK, Technically Includes You. But Again – Threeway?” – been there


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It's Like the MySpace of Birds

Truly urban son: Look, mom, an eagle!
Mom: No, Gabe, it's just a pigeon.

–The Bronx

Overheard by: Natasha

Headline by: Brian

Runners-Up:
· “But It’s a Bronx Pigeon, So It Acts Like an Eagle” – PeterG
· “Kudos to the Science Teachers at P.S. 51″ – Los
· “The Cash-Strapped Bronx Zoo Wasn’t Fooling Anyone” – Coyoty
· “The True Symbol Of America” – BabakganoosH
· “This Is the Bronx, Let Him Dream…” – Lacey


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Oh, Did I Say Single? I Meant Breathing

Creepy guy: Hey! Excuse me miss, are you single?
Woman: Umm… why?
Creepy guy: Well, I want to have an interaction with a single woman, but I don't wanna get involved if she has a man in her life.
Woman: Well, in that case, I'm not single.

–Q Train

Headline by: JR

Runners-Up:
· “And I’m Not Really a Woman Either” – NonQ-Train Rider

· “And Then He Resorted to Blasting Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” Everywhere He Went” – patticakes
· “How Accountants Get Married” – Safe
· “It’s Like Prom All Over Again” – lisha
· “Shockingly, This Didn’t End the Conversation” – mac
· “Too Bad, ‘Cause I’m Really an Eccentric Millionaire” – PeterG


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And It Won't Get the Semen Out of My Eye

Teenager #1: I said “my fault.”
Teenager #2: You said “my bad”? “My bad” is not “I'm sorry”!

–Penn Station

Headline by: Ty

Runners-Up:
· “Actually, “My Bad” Is Like the Hawaiian “Aloha” …” – erkala
· “And That’s How Grammy and Grampy Made Me, Kids” – Kam
· “The Bush Twins Learned Early From Their Father….” – Lani Waters
· “The Fact That a Teenager Apologized Should Be Enough” – shenanigans
· “Yeah, Judas!” – mk


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It Made Finding a Prom Date Easy

Teenage boy, making out with girlfriend: Did you know my mom and I are only 15 years apart?
Teenage girlfriend: No way, that must have been really hard.
Teenage boy: No, it's good to be a young mom.
(making out resumes)

–7 Train

Headline by: Botticus

Runners-Up:
· “I’ll Show You in 9 Months” – Sandy Paws

· “In Fact, It’s Bit Of a Family Tradition” – Traditionalist
· “Please Tell Me This Isn’t What Inspired Gilmore Girls” – katenonymous
· “Psychologists Call This “Priming”” – chuck


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