Archive for the ‘Headline Contest Winners’ Category

No Difference to a Lonely Hawaiian

Girl #1: I find it tart, too. Also kind of musky and a little sweet.
Girl #2: Mmm. Wait! Are you talking about pineapple or pussy? –Washington Heights

Headline by: Jay B
Runners-Up:
· “A little bit of everything goes into an Orange Julius” – Mike
· “A normal conversation between two airport drug smugglers” – Scott
· “And Why is This Tasting Room So Crowded?” – Greg Costello
· “Can it be both?” – saltwater
· “Pussy! But not yours. Yours is nasty.” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Pussy.” – Ray
· “That’s why the Hawaiian word for pineapple is “poon”” – marcusj
· “The One with the Hole in the Middle” – DanC
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Child Left Behind

SAT prepping kid #1: What’s hydrolysis?
SAT prepping kid #2: Dude, don’t you play Grand Theft Auto? Hydrolysis is what makes the cars bump up and down.
SAT prepping kid #3: Um…Hydrolysis is the splitting of things in water.
SAT prepping kid #2: Whatever. Same thing. –2 train near Borough Hall Overheard by: Everclear
Headline by: Dave Schavone
Runners-Up:
· “Rollin’ in His H20″ – JP
· “Another Roads Scholar” – Emily
· “It’s San Andreas’s Fault” – boods

Honorable mentions:
· “Only Aquaman Knows For Sure” – Sara Swank
· “Putting the “Dense” in Reverse Condensation” – Elan
· “The Sad Part Is, They All Got Into Brown” – Betsy
· “They Had Their Ups and Downs, then Splitsville” – Steven Foster
· “He Learns By Osmosis” – melissa coubrough
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If These Balls Could Talk, They’d Say the Same Thing

Angry chick: I am so mad at you right now!
Boyfriend: Sorry, babe. It’s not my fault you’re still on your period.
Angry chick: I wasn’t talking to you, Jake*, I was talking to my ovaries.

–Morton St

Overheard by: these walls are paperthin


Headline by: Damo


Runners-Up:
· “I Apologize for Ovaryacting” – Katherine Duke
· “Quiet! We’re Trying to Decide Whether or Not We’re Going to Trap You into Marrying Us.” – Kara
· “The Whore Moans” – Stephanie L
· “You Could Always Get Rid of Them, and Earn 19 More Cents An Hour” – Kristen
· “You could have prevented this if you stopped wearing that damn condom.” – Josh H




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Jim Henson’s Charles Manson Babies!

Little boy stabbing balloon man with a balloon sword: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
Balloon man: Goodbye! Be good, everyone!
Little boy, still stabbing: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Rick Felice


Headline by: Matthew


Runners-Up:
· “And if that doesn’t do it, I challenge you to water pistols at dawn!” – Cynthia
· “Except you, kid. You go fuck yourself.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “He Who Lives By The Balloon…” – Hobo Whisperer
· “You too, Brutus.” – Aeirlys




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See What You've Started, Beyonce?

Guy #1, yelling: Fuck yeah! Put that one in the satchel!
Guy #2: That had “skankalicious” written all over it.

–35th & 7th

Overheard by: GJL

Headline by: Porter

Runners-Up:
· “Britney’s Got a New Clothing Line?” – Ray
· “In Accordance With the New Truth in Graffiti Regulations” – bq
· “It’s the New “Gucci”” – JohnnyB
· “Someone Tell Fergie to Stop Making Up Song Titles” – Botticus
· “The New Mariah Carey Doll Created Unexpected Collectors” – EddieA


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Tuesdays with Morrie Used to Be Way Less Awkward

Guy #1 holding porn DVD: I would so love to fuck a girl that was into DP.
Guy #2: Yeah, me too, but ball touching is so gay, and I’m trying to recover from the cock.


Headline by: Will


Runners-Up:
· “Because hot cock requires cold turkey” – Greg Costello
· “He also just had laser surgery for his masturbatory blindness” – remark
· “I know dad, i know.” – nick
· “I think there’s a 12 inch program for that.” – nick
· “Rectum? That rooster nearly killed ‘im!” – Dalton
· “Step One: Stop going to the porn shop with your “buddy”” – DanaLishs




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Like my sister.

Man: I am concerned about breeding.
Friend: Breeding?!
Man: Yeah, you know — Jews are pretty inbred. I’m probably going to have kids with three fingers or something. I should have married someone into running — big and athletic.

–Central Park Reservoir

Headline by: Brooklyn Twang

Runners-Up:
· “But Jews Do Run. They Run Everything.” – Rottin’ in Denmark
· “Instead Of That Gimp Cousin Of Mine” – Uberjim
· “The E in EHarmony Stands for Eugenics” – quazarfreez
· “The Final Solution 2.0″ – Scott Gresham
· “They’re Called Germans: But They May Not Be So Into That…” – Caitorade
· “You Know, Someone Who Could Win a “Master Race”” – Mike T


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It’s A World Of Laughter, A World Of Tears

Thirtysomething woman: You used to go to Disney World too? I LOVED that place.

Thirtysomething man: Yeah…What was the name of the part with the big carousel? You know, something Square…it was like the center of the park.

Thirtysomething woman: I don’t know…

Thirtysomething man: Tiananmen Square? Was that it?

Thirtysomething woman: Yeah! That sounds familiar..
–R train Headline by: Pam
Runners-Up:

· “Match.com really does work!” – katie andrews

· “Even less fun than Euro Disney” – MattyQ





Honorable Mentions:

· “Little known fact: Mao Zedong had a season pass” – Colleen Kerney

· “Where the rides are worse then the lines” – Mark Manne

· “Yeah, that part was a riot” – Skepna

· “No, No, Universal is NEXT DOOR” – Katie

· “He looked it up on google.cn” – Ingwall

· “And people were dying to get in” – Melanie Mahoney

· “Mickey Mao’s Club” – Dave Barnette

Click here to see the new Headline Contest


Today’s headline contest is being sponsored by HBO. The winner and runners-up* will all receive the complete Season 2 DVDs of Entourage.
Check out the season 3 premiere this Sunday, June 11th at 10pm!




(* Amended so that we could include more honorable mentions!)

It’s Not Reparations, But I’ll Take What I Can Get

Black guy: Yeah man! You could jump in the tracks right now!
White guy: Are you sure the subway Superman will appear?
Black guy: Trust me, I’m sure.

–W 4th St station

Overheard by: ron cabrera


Headline by: Earl


Runners-Up:
· “…like WMD sure… or Jesus sure?” – k swin
· “Able to convince morons in a single sentence” – Erin
· “Another Supporter of Urban Darwinism” – ToddS
· “He’ll show up in 15 minutes with a spatula and a bucket of bleach” – Rob
· “It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! Ah Fuck, It’s a Train.” – Justin
· “Kunta Kinte’s Revenge” – micah576
· “Malcom X’s Plan B” – Chris
· “That cold-death feeling just means he’s got you” – Leigh
· “Thinning the herd, Manhattan-style” – Tom Beckett




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People Who Shouldn't Go to Japan

Average Joe: Short people are insufferable!
Shorter friend: Tell me about it!

–Bleecker St & Carmine St

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Headline by: Jane

Runners-Up:
· “…And They Have Limited Vocabularies and Will Agree With Anything” – Bob

· “I Thought I Just Did.” – Katie
· “That Scene From “The Wizard Of Oz” Was Like Hell on Earth!” – space coyote
· “To Be Fair, He Did Reply in That High-Pitched Cackle” – Kenneth
· “Tom Cruise Is Refreshingly Self-Aware” – Meg


Click here to see the new Headline Contest