Guy #1, at bar: What?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #3: Really?
Guy #2: Yeah. I don't use condoms. My religion doesn't allow it.
Guy #3: You'll do just fine in prison.
–Dojo's Restaurant, 14th St
Headline by: Incognito
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s How the Church Of Barebacking Got Its Start” – Botticus
· “Fortunately for Him, Dudeism Also Forbids Paying Child Support” – Jim C.
· “I Hear There’s a Waiting List for Priests…” – Father Dick
· “It’s Not Losing Your Virginity If You Don’t Use *Your* Penis” – samson
· “Jail: The Last Refuge Of the Religious” – BenGay
· “Stop Calling Our Marriage a Prison” – Sandy Paws
· “The “Abstinence Only” Crowd Finds Their Niche” – again
· “Why Couldn’t My Cell Mate Be More Like You?” – Fresca P.
· “You Already Know How to Turn the Other Cheek” – Kelly
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Archive for the ‘Headline Contest Winners’ Category
The Little Mermaid Turned 18?
Guy #1: I swear, dude–she smelled like fish!
Guy #2: Don't you work in a fish store?
Guy #1: Fuck you!
–Lexington & 45th
Overheard by: Allkohn
Headline by: My Little Nemo’s excited
Runners-Up:
· “Be Thankful You Don’t Work With Portable Toilets” – Gunther
· “For the Last Time, It’s Called “The Playboy Mansion”" – Duncan Pflaster
· “I Bet She Had Crabs Too” – Lee
· “Ishmael on Women” – Lena
· “When You Said He Was Sleeping With the Fishes, We Didn’t Assume …” – Laura
· “You Know I Only Kiss Them and Throw Them Back” – wirrrn
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Tofu : Vegetables :: Dick Cheney : Humans
Veggie-curious girl: I like to get this really great dressing and then add all sorts of interesting vegetables.
Supportive friend: Like what?
Veggie-curious girl: Tofu!
–Rockefeller Plaza
Overheard by: receptionist
Headline by: EddieA
Runners-Up:
· “And Croutons!” – Vanessa
· “Gesundheit!” – Sandy Paws
· “If Regan Can Make Ketchup a Vegetable, Why the Fuck Not?” – Humberto
· “It’s the Other White Vegetable” – do2na
· “Sometimes I Get Crazy and Add Bacon Bits!” – Botticus
· “The Vitamin Deficiency Related Death Was Really No Surprise” – Proletariat
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This Is Plan: B, Plan: A Was (Tilts Head Toward Aluminum Garbage Can)
Young-looking 40-something: So, I've got some big news for you all…
Mother: Oh? Really?
Young-looking 40 something: We're adding a new member to the family!
Mother: You're pregnant?!
Young-looking 40-something: No, my daughter is. (tilts head towards teenage daughter)
–Cafeteria, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Headline by: Ryan
Runners-Up:
· “But, Okay, Yes, I Am Too” – Chuckles
· “Just Like Mom Used to Make ‘em” – Slater
· “So You DIDN’T Just Save 15% on Car Insurance?” – benj
· “You Know It’s Time to Run for Vice-President When…” – Morning Glory
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Does That Make Us Generation KY?
Girl #1: Whoa! People still get herpes? I thought herpes was a thing of the 80s.
Girl #2: Yeah, well, my mom was having sex in the 80s.
–13th St & 4th Ave
Overheard by: dani
Headline by: Sam
Runners-Up:
· “And Is Now on VH1′s “I Fucked the 80s”" – Henk
· “And It’s So Hard to Find a Mother’s Day Card That Mentions Valtrex” – STD Free
· “Just Another Side Effect Of Parachute Pants and Big Hair” – Morning Glory
· “Once the 90s Rolled Around She Stopped Trying to Catch STDs and Started Trying to Catch Pokemon” – Gotta catch em all
· “That Explains Why All Your Friends Have Herpes” – Brian
· “Why You Should Never Fill Your Parents Prescriptions” – JB
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The Moo Goo Gai Pancakes Will Be Out in a Moment
Chinese waitress, serving food: Chicken Lo Mein?
Teen guy: Chicken oatmeal?
Chinese waitress: Yes.
–St Mark's Place
Overheard by: jamie
Headline by: RaindanceRichard
Runners-Up:
· “Ancient Chinese Secret, Huh?” – re-thinking my breakfast options
· “Avant-Garde Asian Cuisine Was Born Of Language Barriers” – Benjamin
· “Breakfast Of Beijing Olympic Champions” – Morning Glory
· “Lunch Special #27, Peking Duck Pop Tarts” – Bridie
· “Thats What We Call “Blunch”" – amandÅ
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…to Buy Chocolate and Alcohol
Granddaughter: I spy… Grandma… You have to listen…I spy with my little eye, something that helps adults.
Mother: Chocolate.
Grandmother: Alcohol.
Granddaughter: No! Bank of America!
Mother: That helps adults?
–7th & Broadway
Headline by: Botticus
Runners-Up:
· “…In THIS Economy?!” – Pablo & Pablo
· “I Slept Wth a Teller Once” – Yoli
· “If by Help, You Mean Fuck and by Adults, You Mean Shareholders…Then, Well Played” – cmm
· “Sure, That’s the Third Person They Helped Off the Floor & Gave a Tissue Too” – tatts
· “Well, Maybe Not Where YOU Go, but I Get Mani-Pedis Everytime I Go There” – Anthony
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That Depends – How Big Are the Shoulder Pads?
Girl #1: No, it's Terry Bradshaw, with a “t.”
Girl #2: No, it's Carrie, with a “c.” Carrie Bradshaw.
Girl #1: Um…no, it's Terry Bradshaw, you're wrong.
Girl #2: It's Carrie, with a “c.” You don't know what you're talking about.
–St. Mark's b/w 2nd & 3rd
Headline by: narcoleptic
Runners-Up:
· “Hopefully Matthew Broderick Can Tell the Difference” – why do we care?
· “It’s Not Sex in the NFL?” – Sandy Paws
· “Most Scores in a Single Season?” – Jen
· “One Is a Whore, the Other Had a TV Show on HBO” – 4 superbowls= tons of ladies
· “Wait, Are We Talking About the One Who Plays With Balls And Likes Being Tackled by Large Men, or the One on FOX NFL Sunday?” – Lee
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Little Did He Know Her Credit Came With Zero Interest
Hispanic guy, noting hot chick passerby: Hey, baby.
Hot chick: (rolls eyes)
Hispanic guy: (takes off shirt and puts it on the ground for her to walk over)
Hot chick, stopping: I'll give you some credit for that one…but fuck off. (continues walking)
–50th & 9th
Overheard by: passerby
Headline by: ddv
Runners-Up:
· “A Dramatization Of Citibank’s Credit Protocol” – NoCredit
· “But…I Would Have Taken You to 4th Meal!” – Maddy
· “How Many Credits Do I Need to Save Up For a Blowjob?” – mark
· “It Was a Bad Day To Forget That He Was Wearing a Sports Bra” – Nick Pollotta
· “Matthew McConaughey Finally Gets Some Cred….” – RaindanceRichard
· “Next Time He Won’t Give a Shirt” – Sim Etrias
· “Raleigh Gets the Old “Fuck Ye” From Elizabeth Yet Again” – Laureen
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Every Time One of Us Gets a Homosexual Urge, We Take a Shot
Frat guy: Do you guys rent out this place on Monday nights? Me and my buddies want to come back here.
Chinese woman behind bar: Yes. You want to watch football?
Frat guy: No! Gossip Girl!
–Karaoke Bar, Chinatown
Headline by: JakeP.
Runners-Up:
· “And Then We Will Paint Our Nails and Determine Who’s a Blaire and Who’s a Sabrina!” – Doesn’t watch Gossip Girl!
· “BTW, Do You Know How to Make a Cosmo?” – mark
· “Make the Reservation Under Kappa Feather Boa” – PeterG
· “She No Work on Mondays, but Little Lotus Come, You Like?” – Sim Etrias
· “Then It’s Off to Get Our Eyebrows Waxed!” – Sandy Paws
· “We Can’t Masturbate to Football Now That John Madden Retired” – Captain Sensible
· “You Can’t Watch Football on Mani/Pedi Night!” – tatts
Click here to see the new Headline Contest