Old Woman: Oh, I just feel so gassy. I’ve got so much gas. –Public Library, Bensonhurst
Businesswoman: Even though they smoked like chimneys and drank like fish, whatever, the south of France and Italy used to be much healthier than us. –Midtown office
NYU Girl #1: Oh my god! I was so drunk this weekend, and now my legs are covered in bruises. They look terrible, you have no idea. I don’t even know how I got them.
NYU Girl #2: Ha, ha! I love when that happens. I love drunk bruises. –NYU Elevator Overheard by: Stephanie
Teen Girl #1: …and like it felt like something was crawling…it felt weird.
Teen Girl #2: Didya scratch?
Teen Girl #1: Hell naw! What I’ma look like, scratchin’ my crotch in front of the whole class? –D train
Guy: Of course I’ve drank kerosene. But it wasn’t like I used a cup, though. I used a siphon. –Astoria Overheard by: Stephie Russell
Maxim staff #1: Yeah, we’re going to make you walk around in a plastic bubble or something.
Maxim staff #2: …NO, that is not THE RIGHT KIND of herpes!
Maxim staff #3: Is there a RIGHT kind of herpes? –Midtown elevator
Woman, 50s: I eat Cheerios every morning.
Man, 50s: Cheerios are good for your heart. –Popeye’s, Bay Ridge
Mom: I don’t know. I think you have to be, like, 21 to go to outer space. –83rd & Amsterdam A six-year-old stops coughing and asks: Mommy, why did you cover my mouth? –Q Train
Mother: When you go into the stall do not sit down on that toilet seat!
Girl: OK, Mommy. Mother closes the door and goes into the next stall. Girl: Mommy?
Girl: I’m sittin’ all over this toilet!
Mother: Girl, I told you not to sit on that toilet! –Wendy’s ladies room, W. 34th and 8th Ave
Man: I can’t eat ketchup. It makes my scalp sweat. –West Village