Archive for the ‘Health and Hygiene’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners in Smell-O-Vision

Hipster girl: I’d rather face the stigma of buying feminine hygiene products than face the stigma of having a stinky hoo-ha. –13th St & 5th Ave Overheard by: agreed Girl: Remember Diana? Stinky Diana? She’s back, and she’s getting married. –West 47th & 8th Ave Overheard by: Peter G Chick: If I’m going to play beer pong, I need to be fragrant. –Sammy’s, 11th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: McF Little boy to dad: I don’t want to go to Africa! I don’t want to smell the camels! –5th Ave & Park Pl, Park Slope Voice on intercom: The Children’s Section is closed due to… that smell. –NY Public Library, East 96th St Overheard by: Diane Chick: So, did you smell your toilet paper? –MoMA cafe Overheard by: Sweettart

Wednesday One-liners

Woman: A hundred dollars worth of squeaky toys and you eat garbage off the floor! I don’t get it. –22nd & 7th Overheard by: debo Teenage boy: Once I hit the blind kid that lives downstairs with a ball and I felt so bad but it had me thinking, “what if he got his sight back by me hitting him?”. I would be like, “yo, you have your sight back thanks to me, give me some money.” –2 train Girl on cell: Your ass is, like, slightly cuter than my face. –Union Square

Our New Public Service Announcement

Guy with lisp to friend: When I have outbreaks, they never have it, so I asked the guy at the gas station and he just bought a pack for me.
(friend mumbles something)
Guy with lisp: I have to walk miles to the gas station to get my herpes medication. My mom doesn't even know I have herpes, or that I used to have syphilis! Imagine having poison ivy on your knee, and it bursts, and there's pus. That's what it's like. Do you have herpes?
Friend, stupidly: Ha-huh. I don't know.
Guy with lisp: Did you fuck that chick Rachel?
Friend: Ha-huh. Yeah.
Guy with lisp: Did you ride her rough?
Friend: Ha-huh. Yeah.
Guy with lisp, shamelessly: You probably have herpes. I gave it to her about a month ago. We should talk more about who I've fucked and who I've given herpes to. –Metro-North Rail Overheard by: Fresca P.

Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea… –Columbus & 62nd St Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking. –Columbia University Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke! –Spring & Hudson Overheard by: Oscar Gamble Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity. –125th St Fairway Overheard by: Just Shoppint Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you. –Houston & Lafayette Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

At Least Use This Rejeuvenating Cream

White guy: Baby, do you know how much I love you? (rubs the most sensitive part of her eye)
Asian woman: (long pause)
White guy: Did you hear me?
Asian woman: Okay… You know what? I love affection, but I am not getting any younger and you're making my crow's foot worse! –F Train Overheard by: BJ

Don’t Let’s Get Her Started on Her Fucked-up Ass

Ghetto girl #1: Damn, yo! What the fuck is up wit your left eye? It’s dumb red!
Ghetto girl #2: Nah, it ain’t even like that. There was a shootout.
Ghetto girl #1: You got shot in the eye? How the fuck…?
Ghetto girl #2: Yeah, he was trying to come on my mouth and missed and shot some into my eye.
Ghetto girl #1: Damn! Who the fuck he think you was? Jenna Jameson or something? Keep on doing that kinky shit, now look at your dumb fucked-up ass. –Simpson Street station Overheard by: schizo diva