Archive for the ‘Health and Hygiene’ Category

Wednesday One-liners for Other Places

Projectile Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Barf between the cars, asshole!

–PATH train

Girl on phone: Well… We can cuddle, and then I’ll be like, ‘Get off!’ and then I’ll puke, okay?

–JJ’s Place, Columbia University

Overheard by: Rachel Lindsay

Girlfriend pushing drunken boyfriend through crowd, to bystander: Work with me here, baby — he’s throwing up all over you, and you’re still not moving.

–Rained-out Game Two, Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Alison Steedman & Jeff Gilbert

Woman: There’s no better time to scream your boyfriend’s name than when you’re puking all over his bed.

–Party, 16th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: McFreaky

Little girl: 50 dollars. But if you vomit, it’s free!

–76th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Rachel

Lady with accent pointing at man hunched over seat: Oh, is he throw up?

–4 train

Overheard by: fellow rider who also didn’t sit

Little boy to baby brother: Stop throwing up on me!

–3rd Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Rachel W.

What About People Who Misuse “Subtlety”?

Woman: Wow, your face is really red! What happened, sunburn?
Cashier girl: No…allergic reaction.
Woman: Ooh…what are you allergic to?
Cashier girl: Rude, obnoxious and tactless customers.
Woman: Oh, so you get a lot of those, hmm?
Cashier girl: Ugh…Oh yeah, I forgot, and stupid ones that don’t get subtlety, either. –Stop & Shop, Long Island City Overheard by: mshorty

Good Luck Explaining This to the E.R. Doc, Wednesday One-Liner

Ghetto lady on phone waiting for bus: Ugh. I'm exhausted. I don't have the energy to stick my hands up your ass.

–Hunts Point

Dude on cell: I think he's the same guy who stuck the jar up his ass. (pause) Well, because the camera angle was the same, and the scar…

–108th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk gay man speaking to straight couple: So I'm at the wedding talking to my future cousin-in-law about how it's not gay if he likes things in his ass, and he said that's not his problem, his problem is asking her to cut her fingernails.

–26th b/w 9th & 10th

Female suit on cell: There was something going into that butt, did I not mention that?

–10th & Hudson

Wednesday Bites the Big One-Liner

Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!

–57th & 3rd

Overheard by: Duluthian

Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.

–Nathan's, Coney Island

Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?

–Penn Station

20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.

–Amtrak Train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Paige