Archive for the ‘Health and Hygiene’ Category

No Pins, No Pads, No Belts — Just Wednesday One-Liners

Fratboy to friends: Other than the bleeding, I’d much prefer pussy.

–Peculiar Pub, LaGuardia & Bleecker

Overheard by: Spanky Van Dyke

Wife on cell: Hon, I think I might be pregnant. I’m getting nervous. I mean, my period’s not late, but I feel nauseous.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Snozberry

Guy with hot chick: Yeah, it feels fine! Is your tampon comfortable?

–Houston & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Lazy Mr. Wiggles

Loud lady: You know what my son calls my period?

–Q18 bus

Overheard by: Didn’t hang around to hear the rest…

Female employee: My boss hates hearing about menstruation. Any time I want to get him off my back I just tell him I’m having my period. He puts his hands up over his ears like he’s hearing nails on a blackboard. If he doesn’t leave me alone right away, I tell him my napkin is soaked and I have to change it.

–Peter Luger’s, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Big Larry

Dude: What I don’t get is, how did he get the tampon in his nose in the first place?

–Lower East Side

Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck.

–SoHo

Overheard by: kim

Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers.

–2nd Ave & Houston

Overheard by: gypsee

Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs.

–1 Train

Overheard by: oliviz

Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum.

–M14D Bus

Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: rachel

Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand.

–Brother Jimmy's Restaurant

Overheard by: Joe