Archive for the ‘Health and Hygiene’ Category

But My Bench Press Is Up 50 Pounds!

Girl #1: Are you going to call me on my birthday? Huh? Huh?
Girl #2: What is it, the 23rd?
Girl #1: No!
Girl #2: Oh, the 24th.
Girl #1: Yeah.. If my friends don’t blindfold me and get me wasted…
Girl #2: Oh… Yeah, I will call you. Listen, I’m sorry I’m not more chatty. I just got out of the hospital and the doctors put me on steroids, which have the unfortunate effect of turning me into a total cunt.

–Olive Garden, Times Square

Wednesay One-liners, The End

Fratboy: They’re going to tear that building down, because it’s seriously decrapitated. I mean, just totally decrapitated. –BAM Cinematek Girl on cell: He’s going to hell and I don’t even care. He’s going to die and I’m fine with it. –Houston & 1st Ave. Guy: My mom was going through menopause, and I could totally relate. –Lafayette & 3rd St. Overheard by: Tedd

It Reeks of Wednesday One-liners

You're No Body 'Til Some Body Wednesday One-Liners You

Girl: He has a really amazing skull.

–Bakery, Cortelyou Road

Guy to friend: Why is that girls can get away with picking their noses?

–170th St & Broadway

Loud girl on cell in line at deli: You know I have bladder issues whenever I have sex!

–Broadway & Ooper

Lady suit, screaming into cell: Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! I need a goddamn colon cleanse!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Colin

Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”

Ultralubricated Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Curly-haired chick: Your condom consumption should not intimidate people.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Woman: He bought a car? With seven grand you buy condoms… or a house. But a car?

–6 train

Overheard by: Sabrina

Girl on cell: So I’m just at the pharmacy picking up a prescription… [Lowers voice] You know, my pills… What? My pills! You know, those pills I take so that I don’t get pregnant when your dumb ass busts inside me!

–Duane Reade, 34th & Park

Overheard by: Laughing my dumb ass off

Perky girl to friend: Yeah, and then he said, ‘What the heck?’ and flung the condom across the room.

–Astor Pl

20-ish chick: The ribs do nothing for me, but I buy ‘Her pleasure’ condoms for political reasons.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Young girl, panicky: Do you know where I can find the morning-after pill?!

–CVS

Wednesday One-liners Want Sexual Healing

Hipster on cell: You make me so horny I want to split a tab of xstacy and shove it up your ass. –11th & 2nd Guy trying to whisper to girlfriend in line: Do not make me freak you this early in the morning. –Post office, Park Slope Chick on cell: …so not only am I self-medicating through random sexual encounters… –In front of Barnes & Noble , Union Square Overheard by: Carol Chick to friends: He was like, “Say you love me. Say my name. Say, ‘I love you John*!’ And I was like, “Can we just concentrate on the task at hand, here?” –Lafayette & Bond Overheard by: jayloo