Archive for the ‘Heat’ Category

According to the Ancient Law, You Snooze, You Lose

(passengers start closing bus windows because of heavy rain)
Girl #1: That window's still open.
Girl #2 (reaching over sleeping girl and closing it): Oh my god, I feel like I'm her savior.
Girl #1: Uh-huh.
Girl #2: But now it's really hot. Should we open a window?
Girl #1: Fine. (reaches over and opens the window next to the sleeping girl)
Girl #2: You're evil.
Girl #1: Yeah, like you weren't thinking of doing the same exact thing. –Bronx Science Vallo Bus

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Wednesday One-Liners Ask: Hot Enough For Ya?

Logistical genius: If the power goes out and we lose the air conditioning, we can always use the fans. –SoHo Dude on cell: Am I keeping it real? I’m wearing a Goddamn blazer, and it’s 100 degrees out. Of course I’m keeping it real! –Hudson & Leroy Conductor: Now, I know it’s real hot out there, so this is what I do when I’m walking down the streets of New York and trying to keep cool. I just sing this little song to myself: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know”…All right, you all, this is 68th Street. Keep cool out there. –A train Overheard by: Chloe Woman to her son: It’s too hot for stupidness. –59th St Proselytizer: You think this is hot? Hell is hot! –Uptown N train Overheard by: Cpt. Kate Guy on cell: How you been doing in this heatwave?…That’s hot…Well, now I’m getting all hot, thinking of my hot, sweaty cousin. –Union Square Overheard by: Nozomi Dedicated employee: Frankly, the only reason I’m going in to work today is because they have better air conditioning than I do. –Manhattan bound R train Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

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Fast Times at Wednesday One-Liners

Teacher: My father always told me, "Never run away from a fight. If the guy's bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, 'cause this dude's gonna kill you!" –Stuyvesant High School Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell. –Stuyvesant High School Overheard by: Goober Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. "People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!" …and be strong. –Bard High School Early College Math teacher: Give me your little men! –Spence School English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90-degree weather. (student is silent) I'm not going to hit you. –Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: Julie

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Wednesday One-Liners Refer to 110th Street As ‘Downtown’

Exchange student: I was just telling him how to use a Post-it. –Columbia 20-ish male: Actually, global warming is only going to benefit New York City. –Columbia Overheard by: martina m. Chick: I am not eating somewhere with a misplaced apostrophe in its menu. –Columbia Overheard by: Ladle Young Columbia student: Yeah, so all of a sudden I was walking home drunk, in a diaper, with a huge scar. –1 train Columbia grad student: … And if you ask him he’ll say, ‘I’m making money for the school! I’m making money for the school! I do drugs! I do drugs!’ –1 train Student to another: As for the article, I don’t care about the truth of my argument. I care about people knowing how big my penis is. –Columbia Conductor: This is 116th Street, Columbia University. Good luck paying your tuition. –116th St Overheard by: Sam

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