Girl #1: It's really warm, and I really want to take these pants off.
Girl #2: That shirt's long enough to cover your butt, and you're wearing tights under it, right?
Girl #1: Yeah, but still. I'm not white.
–Stuyvesant High School
Archive for the ‘Heat’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Swear It's Swine Flu
Sick cop to another: The way I see it, you've got seven holes in your head. If you don't wanna get sick, you just gotta keep your fingers out of those seven holes. Then you'll be good.
–ER, Saint Vincent Hospital
Overheard by: Dustin
Old-school pimp on cell: I'm sick. (pause) Naw, baby, I just want you to bring me some money and chicken soup.
–96th & Columbus Ave
Woman on phone: Yeah, I'm doing really well. I just have some cancerous issues. But other than that, I'm great!
–East Village
Overheard by: Erin
Woman to friend: So I was worried I had a urinary tract infection or something, even though it didn't hurt when I was peeing. But it turns out it was just a pube stuck in my clit.
–R Train
Overheard by: what the hell?
Guy to friend: So, I finally got athlete's foot.
–116th & Broadway
Chick to guy friend: Well, if you hadn't spent the entire morning cursing out yo momma, then you wouldn't had gotten swine flu!
–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Amused Freshman
Hippie girl on cell: Hey, mom! How are you? (pause) Not so good, actually, my bloodwork just came back and I have Lyme disease! (pause) I know…it's like 70 degrees here!
–42nd & Park Ave
Overheard by: AwkwardTwig
Oh, Get Your Mind Out Of the Wednesday One-Liner!
Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.
–Q44 Bus
Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth
Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.
–CUNY Law School
Overheard by: That's what she said
Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.
–Stuyvesant High School
Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!
–Houston St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: ian has a face
Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!
–72nd & 2nd
Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Frenchie
Wednesday Hotliners
Fat girl at bar: Be hot, be educated, bend me over. That's all I want.
–Kenny's Castaways
Overheard by: Richard
Conductor (bitchily): Ladies and gentlemen, if you think the car you are in is too hot, feel free to get up and move!
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Teenage girl to friend: Yeah, right, like, "Hi, I took the school bus with you in elementary school. Now you're really hot." (both laugh)
–Hunter College High School
Overheard by: Rosebud
Man on phone: Hey man, she was hot. But listen, don't tell her I have a girlfriend, okay?
–5th Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: i'm going to break it to her gently
Teenage girl on cell: Yes, I know you're not supposed to take pills from people you don't know, but he was so hot! And then I think I had sex with him.
–Chinatown Bus Station
Overheard by: Emily
Especially Since All Plantation Labor Was Air Conditioned
Woman #1, fanning herself on crowded train: It is hot.
Woman #2, also fanning herself: If this were the Underground Railroad, damn, I would have been a slave forever.
–A Train
Fast Times at Wednesday One-Liners
Teacher: My father always told me, "Never run away from a fight. If the guy's bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, 'cause this dude's gonna kill you!"
–Stuyvesant High School
Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Goober
Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. "People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!" …and be strong.
–Bard High School Early College
Math teacher: Give me your little men!
–Spence School
English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90-degree weather. (student is silent) I'm not going to hit you.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
According to the Ancient Law, You Snooze, You Lose
(passengers start closing bus windows because of heavy rain)
Girl #1: That window's still open.
Girl #2 (reaching over sleeping girl and closing it): Oh my god, I feel like I'm her savior.
Girl #1: Uh-huh.
Girl #2: But now it's really hot. Should we open a window?
Girl #1: Fine. (reaches over and opens the window next to the sleeping girl)
Girl #2: You're evil.
Girl #1: Yeah, like you weren't thinking of doing the same exact thing.
–Bronx Science Vallo Bus
Wednesday One-Liners Are So Hot Right Now
Big muscular man on cell: It's so damn hot, I'm glad I'm not wearing makeup.
–Outside Tribeca Deli
Overheard by: Akiko
Conductor: This is 42nd Street, Times Square. Number 3 train across the platform. Get it while it's hot!
–Downtown 1 Train
Elderly black woman to no one in particular: It's so hot my pussy is melting!
–12th & Broadway
Overheard by: lemchek
Enthusiastic girl: As soon as I saw his name in lights! His name is so hot! So I have to marry him!
–Thompson & W 3rd St
Guy: I'm telling ya that it was so damn hot in there that my balls rolled out from under my towel and fell on the floor… like they was trying to escape or something.
–Starbucks
Dude to friend: I wanna say she's hot… But I mean she looks like the type of girl who accepts Discover.
–The Village
Lucinda's the Most Interesting Weathergirl in the Tri-State Area
African man: Does it feel hot here?
African-American woman: I dunno. My boobs ain't sweatin'.
–F Train
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Wednesday One-Liners Stray from the Syllabus
Professor: Old people will sign anything.
–Brooklyn College
Professor: What do you guys think of this poster? It annoys me. I would wear this on a t-shirt just to annoy people.
–Pratt Institute
Sociology professor: New York is a megalopolis, while Boston is only a metropolis, although Bostonites would argue that… Bostonites… Bostoners… Bostonians? Pshhh, whatever.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Philosophy professor, drawing: Here is the world… Here are some birds… And people. Here’s someone… Here’s someone hitting someone with an ax. Some people do axings… Some people don’t.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: no axings!
Old professor with French accent: Hot climate is associated in this book with passion or sex. I think that I, for example, really never did have sex in a sub-zero temperature.
–NYU Cantor Film Center
Overheard by: suddenly surrounded by students’ awkward snickers
Sociology professor: I’ll tell you a story that most people laugh hysterically at, but it actually makes me really sad… Kind of like Napoleon Dynamite.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo