Archive for the ‘Heat’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Swear It's Swine Flu

Sick cop to another: The way I see it, you've got seven holes in your head. If you don't wanna get sick, you just gotta keep your fingers out of those seven holes. Then you'll be good. –ER, Saint Vincent Hospital Overheard by: Dustin Old-school pimp on cell: I'm sick. (pause) Naw, baby, I just want you to bring me some money and chicken soup. –96th & Columbus Ave Woman on phone: Yeah, I'm doing really well. I just have some cancerous issues. But other than that, I'm great! –East Village Overheard by: Erin Woman to friend: So I was worried I had a urinary tract infection or something, even though it didn't hurt when I was peeing. But it turns out it was just a pube stuck in my clit. –R Train Overheard by: what the hell? Guy to friend: So, I finally got athlete's foot. –116th & Broadway Chick to guy friend: Well, if you hadn't spent the entire morning cursing out yo momma, then you wouldn't had gotten swine flu! –Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn Overheard by: Amused Freshman Hippie girl on cell: Hey, mom! How are you? (pause) Not so good, actually, my bloodwork just came back and I have Lyme disease! (pause) I know…it's like 70 degrees here! –42nd & Park Ave Overheard by: AwkwardTwig

Oh, Get Your Mind Out Of the Wednesday One-Liner!

Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear. –Q44 Bus Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it. –CUNY Law School Overheard by: That's what she said Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube. –Stuyvesant High School Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe! –Houston St & 1st Ave Overheard by: ian has a face Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort! –72nd & 2nd Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then? –86th & Broadway Overheard by: Frenchie

Wednesday Hotliners

Fat girl at bar: Be hot, be educated, bend me over. That's all I want. –Kenny's Castaways Overheard by: Richard Conductor (bitchily): Ladies and gentlemen, if you think the car you are in is too hot, feel free to get up and move! –NJ Transit, Penn Station Teenage girl to friend: Yeah, right, like, "Hi, I took the school bus with you in elementary school. Now you're really hot." (both laugh) –Hunter College High School Overheard by: Rosebud Man on phone: Hey man, she was hot. But listen, don't tell her I have a girlfriend, okay? –5th Ave & 10th St Overheard by: i'm going to break it to her gently Teenage girl on cell: Yes, I know you're not supposed to take pills from people you don't know, but he was so hot! And then I think I had sex with him. –Chinatown Bus Station Overheard by: Emily

According to the Ancient Law, You Snooze, You Lose

(passengers start closing bus windows because of heavy rain)
Girl #1: That window's still open.
Girl #2 (reaching over sleeping girl and closing it): Oh my god, I feel like I'm her savior.
Girl #1: Uh-huh.
Girl #2: But now it's really hot. Should we open a window?
Girl #1: Fine. (reaches over and opens the window next to the sleeping girl)
Girl #2: You're evil.
Girl #1: Yeah, like you weren't thinking of doing the same exact thing. –Bronx Science Vallo Bus

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Hot Right Now

Big muscular man on cell: It's so damn hot, I'm glad I'm not wearing makeup. –Outside Tribeca Deli Overheard by: Akiko Conductor: This is 42nd Street, Times Square. Number 3 train across the platform. Get it while it's hot! –Downtown 1 Train Elderly black woman to no one in particular: It's so hot my pussy is melting! –12th & Broadway Overheard by: lemchek Enthusiastic girl: As soon as I saw his name in lights! His name is so hot! So I have to marry him! –Thompson & W 3rd St Guy: I'm telling ya that it was so damn hot in there that my balls rolled out from under my towel and fell on the floor… like they was trying to escape or something. –Starbucks Dude to friend: I wanna say she's hot… But I mean she looks like the type of girl who accepts Discover. –The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Stray from the Syllabus

Professor: Old people will sign anything. –Brooklyn College Professor: What do you guys think of this poster? It annoys me. I would wear this on a t-shirt just to annoy people. –Pratt Institute Sociology professor: New York is a megalopolis, while Boston is only a metropolis, although Bostonites would argue that… Bostonites… Bostoners… Bostonians? Pshhh, whatever. –Fordham University Overheard by: Sromeo Philosophy professor, drawing: Here is the world… Here are some birds… And people. Here’s someone… Here’s someone hitting someone with an ax. Some people do axings… Some people don’t. –Fordham University Overheard by: no axings! Old professor with French accent: Hot climate is associated in this book with passion or sex. I think that I, for example, really never did have sex in a sub-zero temperature. –NYU Cantor Film Center Overheard by: suddenly surrounded by students’ awkward snickers Sociology professor: I’ll tell you a story that most people laugh hysterically at, but it actually makes me really sad… Kind of like Napoleon Dynamite. –Fordham University Overheard by: Sromeo