Archive for the ‘Heat’ Category

Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Hot?

Balding 40-something: I’m a coed! Don’t laugh — I am a hot coed!

–Columbia University

Drunken cheerleader to fat friend: We’re the hottest non-lesbian girl couple ever.

–68th & Lex

Thug to friends: Yo, it’s too damn hot to be messin’ with the females today.

–Union St & 4th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Teen program chick: … And even if it’s really, really hot outside, you are not supposed to sleep with a fan directly on you.

–Columbia University

He’ll Be Back

NYU girl #1 with a low-cut shirt: Oh my god, why is it so hot outside? My boobs are burning!
Hot NYU guy: Hey, Cindy*!
NYU girl #1: Oh, hey Sam*!
NYU girl #2, after guy passes by: He totally heard you say your boobs were burning.
NYU girl #1, embarrassed: I know.

–Washington Square South

Overheard by: might wanna get that checked out

Wednesday One-Liners Refer to 110th Street As ‘Downtown’

Exchange student: I was just telling him how to use a Post-it.

–Columbia

20-ish male: Actually, global warming is only going to benefit New York City.

–Columbia

Overheard by: martina m.

Chick: I am not eating somewhere with a misplaced apostrophe in its menu.

–Columbia

Overheard by: Ladle

Young Columbia student: Yeah, so all of a sudden I was walking home drunk, in a diaper, with a huge scar.

–1 train

Columbia grad student: … And if you ask him he’ll say, ‘I’m making money for the school! I’m making money for the school! I do drugs! I do drugs!’

–1 train

Student to another: As for the article, I don’t care about the truth of my argument. I care about people knowing how big my penis is.

–Columbia

Conductor: This is 116th Street, Columbia University. Good luck paying your tuition.

–116th St

Overheard by: Sam

Wednesday One-Liners Ask: Hot Enough For Ya?

Logistical genius: If the power goes out and we lose the air conditioning, we can always use the fans. –SoHo Dude on cell: Am I keeping it real? I’m wearing a Goddamn blazer, and it’s 100 degrees out. Of course I’m keeping it real! –Hudson & Leroy Conductor: Now, I know it’s real hot out there, so this is what I do when I’m walking down the streets of New York and trying to keep cool. I just sing this little song to myself: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know”…All right, you all, this is 68th Street. Keep cool out there. –A train Overheard by: Chloe Woman to her son: It’s too hot for stupidness. –59th St Proselytizer: You think this is hot? Hell is hot! –Uptown N train Overheard by: Cpt. Kate Guy on cell: How you been doing in this heatwave?…That’s hot…Well, now I’m getting all hot, thinking of my hot, sweaty cousin. –Union Square Overheard by: Nozomi Dedicated employee: Frankly, the only reason I’m going in to work today is because they have better air conditioning than I do. –Manhattan bound R train Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

By September, He’ll Be Ready to Get Back Up on the Horse

Dude #1: This hot weather has been rough on my skin, man.
Dude #2: Hey, uh. Hey, man. I know what you can do for that. You can mix lemon juice with some vinegar and make yourself an astringent.
Dude #1: Oh, word? Have you tried this yourself?
Dude #2: Yeah, man. The lemon juice and the vinegar, they combine to cleanse your pores. I’m telling you, man.
Dude #1: How do you know all this? You just sit here on this park bench every day.
Dude #2: Naw, man, just during the summer. I work in the schools.
Dude #1: You an educator?
Dude #2: A what?
Dude #1: An ED-U-CA-TOR! A teacher.
Dude #2: Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. I’m an educator.
Dude #1: Whatchu been drinking, man?
Dude #2: Vodka.
Dude #1: Yeah, I can smell it.

–Christopher Park, 74th St

Overheard by: Carol – Pretending to read my book