Archive for the ‘Height’ Category

And Given It a Reality Show Called Kirstie Alley's Big Life

Teenage girl: But it's not a squid, it's an octopus.
Father: It's a cephalopod.
Teenage girl: But if it just rose out of the water, all of a sudden, and grabbed hold of the bridge, what would people scream? “Help! It's a giant cephalopod!”?
Father: The more erudite among them would scream that, yes.
Teenage girl: (laughs)
Father: Actually, I think they would just scream, “Aaaarggghhh!”
Teenage girl: Stop it! People are staring!
Father: But I find it hard to believe that something that big could just sneak up on people.
Teenage girl: Yeah. If it existed, they would have found it by now.

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard in Wednesday One-Liner

20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!

–M-15 Bus

Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.

–28th & 29th

Overheard by: A black person from Chicago

20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.

–16th St & Union Square

Overheard by: Annie B

Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?

–Rite-Aid

Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: molls

Wednesday Funbag-Liners

Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore?

–86th St

Overheard by: Kevin

Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off!

–Charles & 4th

Overheard by: Eric

20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, 'cause I don't know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs…

–Pratt Institute

Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don't put them titties away!

–5th & 21st

Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom!

–Carnegie Deli

…Look– I Can Make Them Dance!

Hot schoolgirl to plain friend: I think my boobs are getting bigger.
(every guy in the train looks)
Plain friend
: Ummm, you said that a bit loud…

Hot schoolgirl: No, seriously, look! (cups boobs) They're bigger! They're like under my chin now. Every time I look down I get surprised, because they're just so there!
Plain friend, embarrassed: Please shut up until we're off this train.
Hot schoolgirl, looking up: Huh, what? I missed that, I was distracted by my boobs.

–1 Train

Wednesday Double-Entendre Liners

Middle-aged woman to another: Oh! Look at those nuts, Theresa!

–Holiday Market, Union Square

Four-year-old girl, holding giant lollipop: Daddy, look! It's so big I can't get my mouth around it!

–Gristedes, University Place

Overheard by: M

Girl to friend bending down to pick something up: You are now the official bender in this relationship.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Woman reading menu outside: I love fish tacos!

–Chavela's, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: zack g.

Girl on cell: Well, my mouth is really small, you know? So I needed something really wide to hold it open.

–1st Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Asaywhat

It's a Small Wednesday One-liner, After All.

Hipster teenage girl: Holy crap, there's a midget! I love seeing midgets in the city. I always text my friends and say "there's a midget following me!"

–Central Park

Woman on cell: You and me can't eat twice. Midgets can eat twice. (pause) And babies can eat twice too!

–5th Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Kody

Theater teacher: Even though he was under four feet and she was over six feet, it wasn't that weird. I mean, that scene with the deep kissing, when the whole crew is watching, that was kind of… hot. (pause) No, no, I mean, I wasn't sitting there being like, "wow, this midget really turns me on!" I don't go on giantess. Come in my spare time…

–Hunter College High School

Sexy guy: Don't pretend you've never wondered what it would look like to see midgets make 600 chocolate casino dice.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle