Archive for the ‘Hell’ Category

You know you’re Not in New York when… (Part Eleven)

In a coffeeshop in Los Angeles (the Novel cafe in Santa Monica), a tutor is giving a beginning Spanish lesson to a student at the table next to me. The student is reading a newspaper article in Spanish, and then translating each sentence word by word: Student: “I don’t know what this word, ‘decada’ means”
Teacher: “What do you think it means?”
Student: “I don’t know”
Teacher: “Guess.”
Student: “I really don’t know”
Teacher: “Here’s a hint. It’s very similar to an English word”
Student: “‘Decada’? Deca….. I have no idea”
Teacher: “It’s almost identical to the English word”
Student: “uhhhhh”
Teacher: “There’s only one letter difference”
Student: “deca….?”
Teacher: “C’mon, what do you think?”
Student: “I really have no idea”
(Teacher pinches her on the nose!)
Teacher: “It’s Decade!!!”
Student: “Ahhhhh!!!! Okay! I feel stupid!”

Bingo in the Parish Hall Prepares You for Eternal Torment

Teenage girl #1: Yeah, I celebrate Easter. I’m Catholic. It’s tradition for my family to go gambling in Atlantic City that day.
Teenage girl #2: Wait, isn’t that one of the seven unforgivable vices? You’re doing it on Easter, too. Haha.
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, well… We don’t really believe in that religion bullshit. Atlantic City allows us to stick it to the man.
Teenage girl #1: Is that Jesus? Wow, you’re going to hell.

–51st & Park Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Cast the First Stone

Girl: I don’t think “Keep your legs closed” is part of Catholic mass.

–Elevator, Brooklyn Law School dorm Guy on cell: That’s because I’m not a sinner…Well, I don’t consider that a sin.

–50th & 7th

Overheard by: Proud Sinner Man: If hell had a bathroom, this would be it.

–LIRR bathroom, Penn Station Passenger: This is the train to hell–and we’re in the first car!

–L train, passing 1st Ave without stopping

Overheard by: Ciara&Andrea Girl on cell: It’s not selling your soul to the devil if it pays the rent.

–Starbucks, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: M. Nofier Heathen: I’m worried because we’re going to Burning Man, which, you know, is not church camp. –Rope, Myrtle between Clinton & Vanderbilt, Brooklyn Overheard by: our lady mess Young queer: The Jesus man touched me funny! –36th & 6th Overheard by: He touched me too

Well, That’s One Way in Hell

Guy #1: You know Jason?
Guy #2: The gay one?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: What about him?
Guy #1: I saw him kiss a girl.
Guy #2: Was it like a friend kiss?
Guy #1: No, there was tongue and everything.
Guy #2: So he’s not gay?
Guy #1: I don’t think so.
Guy #2: Fuck! Now I can’t brag that I have a gay friend anymore!
Guy #1: Don’t worry, you can still say he’s bi since we still have no proof that he is not interested in guys.
Guy #2: That’s a good idea. Interesting…you know what, that’s what I’ll do, cause there is just no way in hell that Jason is straight. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Ting

Wednesay One-liners, The End

Fratboy: They’re going to tear that building down, because it’s seriously decrapitated. I mean, just totally decrapitated. –BAM Cinematek Girl on cell: He’s going to hell and I don’t even care. He’s going to die and I’m fine with it. –Houston & 1st Ave. Guy: My mom was going through menopause, and I could totally relate. –Lafayette & 3rd St. Overheard by: Tedd