Archive for the ‘Hipsters’ Category

…So It's Not a Candy?

Hipster girl, loudly to friend: What does s&m stand for, anyway?
Friend: What?
Hipster girl: What does s&m mean?
Random girl, taking out earbuds: Sadism and masochism.
Hipster girl: Oh. (pause) Thanks. (long, embarrassed silence ensues)

–L Train

Translation: I'm Totally A-OK With You Getting Arrested

Hipster on cell: So, are you gonna pee on the subway or hold it?
Future subway peeer: (inaudible response)
Hipster on cell: Yeah, dude, I do it all the time. Just do your thing in the corner, open the side door, an' let it slosh out when you're movin' between stations. Dude, even women do it. Totally a-okay!

–67th St & Columbus

Overheard by: kjirsten johnson

Wednesday One-Liners Are Beautiful, Dammit!

Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Christine

Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Joe

Hipster on cell: I don't even know you! I do not want to see your vagina.

–Park Ave & 22nd St

Overheard by: Sophia

Suit on cell: I'm gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat!

–Times Square

Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out!

–Catherine St & Madison St

Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina!

–Watering Hole, E 19th St

We Are Talking About Your Vagina, Right?

Hipster guy: Have you ever been to the Hamptons?
Hipster girl: Yeah, I've been to the Hamptons. I was just there, actually.
Hipster guy, extremely lasciviously: Oh, I know you were!
Hipster girl, confused: Yeah. Did you, like, see me there?
Hipster guy, still lascivious: Oh, no. I've never been to the Hamptons.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: judydarkness

One-Eyed, One-Horned Flying Wednesday One-Linereaters

Guy: …and then I'd be a cyborg.

–Soho

Overheard by: Nicole Q

Man on cell: But wouldn't that make you a vampire?

–45th St

Crazy guy, returning after briefly exiting car: I tried to make it to the end of the train, but I was blocked by a teenage werewolf. I have encountered them before, but never outside Brooklyn.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Canucking Futs

Guy on phone: In your next life, you're gonna come back as a vampire.

–Williamsburg

Dude, marveling to another on train: Damn, son, you look like Godzilla with a fade.

–Q Train

Hipster waiter: The fucking gnome took my remote control. The one thing in the world that I love. I told him, "you can take anything except the remote control." And sure enough, he took the fucking remote control.

–Restaurant, Williamsburg