Man: …I’m a real East Village type of guy. I mean, I have a bird that talks. –East Village
Hipster #1: Hey, man! Oh my god, how are you feeling?
Hipster #2: Uh.
Hipster #1: You don't remember me, do you? It's okay, you were so wasted when we met last night.
Hipster girl, loudly to friend: What does s&m stand for, anyway?
Hipster girl: What does s&m mean?
Random girl, taking out earbuds: Sadism and masochism.
Hipster girl: Oh. (pause) Thanks. (long, embarrassed silence ensues)
Hipster on cell: So, are you gonna pee on the subway or hold it?
Future subway peeer: (inaudible response)
Hipster on cell: Yeah, dude, I do it all the time. Just do your thing in the corner, open the side door, an' let it slosh out when you're movin' between stations. Dude, even women do it. Totally a-okay!
–67th St & Columbus
Overheard by: kjirsten johnson
Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Christine
Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa!
Overheard by: Joe
Hipster on cell: I don't even know you! I do not want to see your vagina.
–Park Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: Sophia
Suit on cell: I'm gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat!
Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out!
–Catherine St & Madison St
Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina!
–Watering Hole, E 19th St
Hipster guy: Have you ever been to the Hamptons?
Hipster girl: Yeah, I've been to the Hamptons. I was just there, actually.
Hipster guy, extremely lasciviously: Oh, I know you were!
Hipster girl, confused: Yeah. Did you, like, see me there?
Hipster guy, still lascivious: Oh, no. I've never been to the Hamptons.
Overheard by: judydarkness
Guy: …and then I'd be a cyborg.
Overheard by: Nicole Q
Man on cell: But wouldn't that make you a vampire?
Crazy guy, returning after briefly exiting car: I tried to make it to the end of the train, but I was blocked by a teenage werewolf. I have encountered them before, but never outside Brooklyn.
Overheard by: Canucking Futs
Guy on phone: In your next life, you're gonna come back as a vampire.
Dude, marveling to another on train: Damn, son, you look like Godzilla with a fade.
Hipster waiter: The fucking gnome took my remote control. The one thing in the world that I love. I told him, "you can take anything except the remote control." And sure enough, he took the fucking remote control.
Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.
Overheard by: Inkling
35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.
Overheard by: Abby and Holly
20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."
Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.
–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd
African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.
–48th St & Broadway
Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl
Hipster girl, clearly on first date: So what do you do?
Hipster guy, in deadpan voice: I'm an animal trainer for the circus.
(unbearably long pause)
Hipster girl: Wow.
–The Gate, Park Slope
Skinny hipster gay boy #1: If I get too drunk I just stick my finger down my throat and force myself to vomit.
Skinny hipster gay boy #2: Yeah, I would do that… But at this point I have absolutely no gag reflex anymore.
Overheard by: Justin