Archive for the ‘Hobos’ Category

It's Always Sunny in Wednesday One-Liner

Swaying hobo with outstretched arms, as it starts to drizzle: I make it rain, I make it rain, I make it rain on you, hoes!

–14th St & University Place

Conductor over PA, on sunny 50-degree day: Due to inclement weather, the 2 and 3 trains will be running on the local track.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Bag lady: I'm not selling ass, just panhandling. It's too cold.

–9th Ave & 25th St

Really tall dude to no one in particular, very energetically: It's a beautiful day, oh my god! I'm gonna cancel all my appointments and go on a walk!

–2nd & Bedford

Angry stranded guy: And you were all like "it doesn't snow in the city, there are too many cars!"

–Bleecker St

Swirl Was Always My Favorite Kind Of Soft-Serve Ice Cream

Black hobo to young tourist couple with baby: Mmmmmmmmmmm… That's a nice lookin' baby! You must've done good that night… or morning. (laughs)
Father: Uh… haha… yeah.
Black hobo: I need to find me a white lady so I can make me a Barack Obama. Mmm-hmm!

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Emily

It Means He Intends to Begin Courting

Hobo: I wanna tackle you! I’m gonna tackle you girl! I’m gonna tackle you girl! You hear me? I’m gonna tackle you!
Girl #1: Did he just say he wants to tackle us?
Girl #2: Oh my god! What did he mean by that? –Spring & Mercer Overheard by: Spooner

Wednesday One-Liners in the Hobosphere

Hobo: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Edwin, but you can call me ‘Homeless Ed’… Or just ‘Homeless’ for short.

–A train

Hobo: Hey, y’all! I ain’t gonna lie to you — I am homeless, and I just want a piece of ass, some drugs, and a 40. Ten bucks for a piece of ass? Someone gonna give me some money for some crack cocaine?

–Line outside Roseland Ballroom, 52nd & Broadway

Hobo to horse leading carriage: Dude, you rock! [Gives horse a peace sign.]

–56th & 10th

Overheard by: PetRunner

Crazy hobo: Well, jumping Jehoshaphats! Some homeless person has abandoned his station! I will assume his identity and no one will ever know that I’m rich!

–3rd Ave, between 34th & 35th St

Overheard by: His secret’s safe with me

Toothless hobo on stoop: Excuse me, sir, could you write me a check for five cents and I’ll pay you back on Tuesday?

–7th & 2nd