Archive for the ‘Hobos’ Category

Wednesday One-Liner: The World's Oldest Profession

Older, dirty-looking hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hooker and some malt liquor. –Ave A & 4th St 20-something girl: Seriously! There is nothing better after a stressful day than stealing a car, picking up a hooker, taking her to the beach, fucking her, killing her, getting your money back and not getting arrested. Nothing! –Underhill & St. Mark's, Brooklyn Overheard by: Claire H. Young woman to boss: If you don't give me more hours, I'mma have to start sellin' my pussy! –Chelsea Overheard by: Holly Subway musician in drag the night before Valentine's Day: Be with the one you love! If you don't have anyone, then hire somebody! And keep your receipt! –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Morning Glory Musician on train platform: Everything gonna be alright! Get home safe, New York. Remember: if you see something, say something, don't keep it to yourself. And remember, New York, if you can't be with the one you love, pay someone! Keep all the receipts. I know what I'm talking about. –B Train Overheard by: Free Love

You Just Need Some Deep Wednesday One-Linerin'

Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in. –W 34th & 8th Ave Overheard by: innocent bystander Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay. –Men's Bathroom, Penn Station Overheard by: Phil Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke. –Lawton St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Eric Frazier Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself) –Penn Station Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great! –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Robert H

Wednesday One-Liners (Sing Along If You Know the Words)

Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time! –E 4th St & 2nd Ave Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra. –Penn Station Overheard by: Noelle Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee. –Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection. –13th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: rolf Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road! –E train Overheard by: In_the_Shadows Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa! –Near NYU Overheard by: Joe

The Speed of Information Through Fat Is Drastically Reduced

Hobo, carrying huge duffel bag: I need money to get to Boston to visit my son. Can anyone give me money?
Lady: Here’s 20 dollars for your ticket. Also, do you think you could run upstairs and get me a Snapple?
Hobo: Sure, lady. Thanks so much. Hobo ditches duffel bag. Lady, 20 minutes later: Well, I guess he’s not coming back! –Port Authority Overheard by: cynic

Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea… –Columbus & 62nd St Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking. –Columbia University Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke! –Spring & Hudson Overheard by: Oscar Gamble Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity. –125th St Fairway Overheard by: Just Shoppint Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you. –Houston & Lafayette Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

Emperor Norton II

Hobo: Look at this, does this look fake?
Guy: What did you do, print it?
Hobo: Yeah! You think it looks fake?
Guy: Yes.
Hobo: Well it ain’t! –R train Overheard by: SkunkEye