Archive for the ‘Hobos’ Category

The Best Things in Life Are Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Why aren't you looking for some boy to do it for free? –E 3rd & 1st Ave Overweight MTA worker with megaphone: Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no service! –Franklin Ave Subway Overheard by: Jesus Jon Homeless guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers! –8th & 6th Overheard by: Zack Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stumbling out onto the sidewalk: Ha! It's free! Everyone, free food! Ha! –Open House Art Exhibition, 106th St & Broadway Guy giving out free pens: Come on, don't be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, only thing you're gonna get for free are these pens and your mother's love. –Kimmel, NYU Wanna-be thug eating ice cream: Wanna know how much I paid for this? S'free! I stole it. –125th St & Broadway Overheard by: EthanK Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama's President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years! –Duane Reade

Nobody Knows the Trouble Wednesday One-Liners Seen

Hobo to white guy walking with three black friends: What's up, slave owner? –The Village Girl on phone: We should practice selling ourselves to each other. –Subway Sandwiches, 38th & 7th Crazy man on train: America! America! Anybody wanna buy some white people? –A Train Ditzy girl to friend: So I had this black boyfriend one time, and we had to break up because he kept talking about slavery. I was all, hello, I'm Czech, my people were slaves too. –Columbia University School of Social Work Overheard by: Eric Black toddler to mortified white nanny: Wanna play slave? –Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Will Swallow for Diamonds

Mother to five-year-old daughter: That's why she's a very smart woman. She married a very rich man for exactly that reason. –University Place &10th St Overheard by: evanescent Homeless man to little boy with parents: Ask your mama why she marry your daddy. She'll tell you it was for the money. –Statue of Liberty Sorority girl to another: So like, do you think Brad makes good investments? –53rd & 1st Asian girl on cell: It's like I have a sign that says "trophy wife" written across my forehead, and then they find out I'm 22 and the sign is suddenly in neon. –Tribeca Girl on cell: No, you remember, I'm going to be a gold-digger! It's like a hooker, but smarter. –NYU Classroom