Archive for the ‘Holidays’ Category

And You’re Not the Only One

Girl: I need to get something for my boyfriend for valentine’s day. I’m thinking of some panties and an outfit from Victoria’s Secret. What do you think?
Boy: That’s nice. I like dirty panties. Hanes tighty whities for women. I like them real dirty and crusty lookin’, like she just rolled around in some shit.
Girl: You nasty! What’s wrong with you?
Boy: Don’t be hatin’, that’s what I like. –R Train Overheard by: Chris

Easter Isn’t Just About Cadbury Creme Eggs

Dealer: I got ecstacy, I got crystal meth, I got hydro…OK, y’all have a nice holiday. –Washington Square park Overheard by: Mark Asch Street Preacher: Have you found Jesus?!
Guy #1: Why? Did you lose him?
Street Preacher: Have you found your Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ?
Guy #2: Next time, try using better fucking nails! –42nd & 8th Overheard by: eb Guy: I think her Easter eggs say “Satan” on them. –27th Street office

Wednesday One-Liners Are Retaining Sperm

20-something woman on cell: I thought I was pregnant because I was nauseous all the time, but then I realized I was just always hungover. –111th & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle Guy to chick: What the fuck did she get pregnant for? She needed to lose some weight. –Bowery Hyper chick: He got me knocked up with this giant pretzel! –LIRR Overheard by: Pretzel Vendor 20-something girl to friend: Oh, so you're thinking because it's Memorial Day weekend you're gonna get preggers? –Hoyt-Schermerhorn Subway Sation Guy, about a couple who'd broken up: She came back to pick up her shit, and when you come back to pick up your shit, you know, shit happens, and she got pregnant. –Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn Overheard by: Ashley Lady suit on cell: Well, unless you want to get me pregnant, I'm not sure I see a way around this! –Columbus Circle