Archive for the ‘Home, Sweet Home’ Category

The Wasteland Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to security guard: We're not fucking tourists, man, we're just trying to get back to our home in Jersey. –Port Authority Overheard by: Confabulation Nation Metrosexual guy: There are two kinds of people I will never, ever, date. One are people who are culturally ignorant. The second is people from New Jersey. –45th & 5th Overheard by: Mr. Pink Proper British woman to loud drunk guy: Go back to Jersey! –BB King Concert, Christ United Church Overheard by: bb Uptight 40-something white guy: I can't wait to get safely back in New Jersey! –A Train Overheard by: JoshBob

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: V Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents! –Pathmark, Massapequa Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead? Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults. –Columbia University Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not. –Columbia University Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun." –Grand Central Overheard by: galgal

Sorry, Pal– One Of Your Editors Married Her First

Comedy show ticket seller: Hey! You dropped your scarf!
(girl with scarf around her neck rolls eyes)
Comedy show ticket seller: Hey, you must live here!
Girl: Yeah, and I work in this fucking area, and you tell me that every single night when all I want to do is go home. (looks at tourists listening) Just so you know, “free comedy show” means two drink minimum, and the so-called comedians are just dumb asses who are not not funny at all.
Comedy show ticket seller: Woah! Marry me, please. I'm not trying to be funny, you are fucking amazing!
Girl: Fuck you.
Comedy show ticket seller to tourists: I'm being serious, she's the woman of my dreams!
Tourists: What? –Times Square

C'mon a My Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Come down the road and I'm the first house that you do not see. –Office Building, W 46th St Overheard by: TheGreenCat Black woman on cell: Don't fuck in ma house! –Union Square Station 10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, my mom says I can fuck a girl in her house, as long as she ain't a skanky-ass ho. –105th & Broadway Overheard by: Andy Girl to friend: We can't hang out at my house. I don't know anyone there anymore. –125th & Broadway Overheard by: EthanK Guy cycling past very fast, to cycling companion: So he bought a whole house just to store pot? –Prospect Park, Brooklyn Overheard by: peeper City cop to two homeless guys: If your house is worth like $200,000, you can probably only get a equity loan for like $100,000. (homeless guys nod their heads in agreement) –Madison Square Park Overheard by: E