Archive for the ‘Homeless’ Category

And on Your Left— Wednesday One-Liners!

Kid to another: And then, when you're 45, we can be tour guides.

–West Village

Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth

Tour guide: This tour will be in English, we have tour pamphlets in several other languages. If you are a non English speaking passenger, this announcement is of no use to you.

–Circle Line Harbor Lights Cruise

Overheard by: Trixie

Overexcited bespectacled tour guide leader to group of uninterested parents: So! That's the great thing, you know, about this school, is that it's not just you. It's the city, and the students, and the people, and the tourists, and… (starts to run out of things to say) the homeless people, and the squirrels… and pigeons! So, you see, it's not ever just you!

–Bobst Library, NYU

Tour guide on bus: Now over here we have Trump Towers. Donald is not in the building today, as he is out of country awaiting the birth of his next wife.

–Trump Towers

Wednesday One-Liners Flunk the Oral

Guy on cell, screaming : Did you or did you not give that guy a blowjob in the parking lot?

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: JC

Hot girl talking to hot friend: He said blowjobs are like flowers for guys. Do I get flowers everyday? No! So why should he, right?

–C Train

Screaming bag lady: He asked me to suck his dick. I don't suck dick, I'm homeless.

–125th St

Overheard by: Reilly

Guy on cell: How's her gag reflex? Because that's a great way to make up for stupid.

–5th & 83rd

Overheard by: Kelly

Guy to another: Greg, do you want your cock sucked tonight? Then get in the car! (other guy hastily gets in car)

–The Village