Archive for the ‘Homeless’ Category

Someone Should Complain to Her Soup-ervisor

Bag lady: Ladies and gentlemen, my husband and I are homeless. We can’t stay at our shelter during the day so we come on the train to get food. Today we are asking for money so we can do laundry. Anything you can give will help.
Hobo: Why don’t you just admit that you’re gonna buy crack? I’m in the same line of work, don’t believe her. –N train

Wednesday One-Liners Use American Psycho As Porn

Suit: Did they tip their 45s to their homies?

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: SuperVixen

Suit on phone: 500 milligrams? That's nothing. First, you need to start looking at the definition of possession…

–Broadway & Reade

Suit to little son: I need to teach you the difference between "homos" and "hobos." You'll understand easily, (giggles) …not much of a difference.

–Doctor's Office, Carrol Gardens

Suit on phone, snickering: Your posts are turd sandwiches!

–4th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: ris

Suit on cell: I say go for it. You're rich, she's hungry. What could be more perfect?

–47th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Adrienne

Wednesday One-Liners in the Hobosphere

Hobo: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Edwin, but you can call me ‘Homeless Ed’… Or just ‘Homeless’ for short.

–A train

Hobo: Hey, y’all! I ain’t gonna lie to you — I am homeless, and I just want a piece of ass, some drugs, and a 40. Ten bucks for a piece of ass? Someone gonna give me some money for some crack cocaine?

–Line outside Roseland Ballroom, 52nd & Broadway

Hobo to horse leading carriage: Dude, you rock! [Gives horse a peace sign.]

–56th & 10th

Overheard by: PetRunner

Crazy hobo: Well, jumping Jehoshaphats! Some homeless person has abandoned his station! I will assume his identity and no one will ever know that I’m rich!

–3rd Ave, between 34th & 35th St

Overheard by: His secret’s safe with me

Toothless hobo on stoop: Excuse me, sir, could you write me a check for five cents and I’ll pay you back on Tuesday?

–7th & 2nd