Archive for the ‘Hook Ups’ Category

Read My Lips, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing. –Court St & 2nd Place Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina! –23rd & 7th Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours! –Hudson River Bike Path Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream. –NYU Dorm, Union Square Overheard by: Erica Fuld Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina! –W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like? –Chelsea Overheard by: Liz


Guy #1: Okay…Wow…This one time in Madison I was so drunk…I was trying to get this sorority girl to come home with me and she said she would if I got rid of her ex-boyfriend (he was hanging out with us.) That’s all I remember from that night! I woke up the next morning, in bed, soaking wet, with a pulled groin muscle and scrapes all over my knees and elbows!
Guy #2: What the fuck?
Guy #1: Yeah! I had to ask around to find out what happened. Apparently, I sorta, uh, fell in the lake in Madison–I pulled my groin muscle there–then I pulled myself out and crawled home on hands and knees since I couldn’t walk.
Guy #2: What…the fuck…? –B1 bus Overheard by: Justin Fores

He Asked Me to Leave This Backpack Here and Not Open It

Queer: So, I went to that new dance club last night.
Fag hag: Oh, really? Any good?
Queer: Yeah… They were playing some weird disco music, which should’ve tipped me off. But anyway, this guy started hitting on me right away.
Fag hag: Oooh! Was he hot?
Queer: Sorta. I mean, he had this gigantic moustache.
Fag hag: Hmmm. He musta been a terrorist.
Queer: Actually, he did have that terror-esque gleam in his eye.
Fag hag: So, did you hook up or what?
Queer: Oh, yeah, totally fucked him in the bathroom. That terror-esque gleam is damn sexy. –Lincoln Center Overheard by: MiMi

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think of It As “Well-Traveled”

Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away again! –Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg Overheard by: Kaitlen Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can't, I already had sex with three guys today. –Grand Central Overheard by: Derek Girl to friend: I'm really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism. –66th & Columbus Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently "Happy hour Tuesday" equals "Walk of shame Wednesday." I just wish I could've been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn't have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B. –Wall St Teenage boy on cell: She's still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she's in his regular rotation. –Starbucks, Montague Street NYU student on cell: But logic doesn't call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning. –Kimmel Center

Wednesday One-Liners Just Wanted a Nice Meal Out of It

Male 9 to 5-er: And, you know, they’re all dwarves… But I wouldn’t be embarrassed to go out with them. –Federal Plaza Cigarette-voiced JAP: Yeah, he was lame. But I only fake-dated him in, like, eighth grade. –54th & 11th Hipster on cell: If you sleep together afterwards, it’s a date. –Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint Overheard by: Miss Heather Thug: Yo, the rule is, if you take her out to dinner and a movie she has to suck your cock. That’s the rule. –23rd & 8th Overheard by: Liza Girl on cell: Look, Peter, I’m not saying that I hate you. It’s just that you fucking annoy me so much that I’d rather eat my own spleen than go out with you again. –Starbucks, 45th & 6th Overheard by: always turning up my IPOD Girl on cell: No, she didn’t dump him on you. She dumped him and then he got on you. –Union Square Overheard by: Steve O