Archive for the ‘Hook Ups’ Category

Who's Gonna Hold Wednesday's Hair While She One-Liners?

Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!

–American Eagle

Overheard by: liveyourlife

Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.

–Chinatown Bus to DC

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!

–Canal St & Broadway

Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!

–Time Warner Building

Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.

–Perry & Bleecker

Overheard by: other contenders?

A Lesson the Royal Family Has Yet to Learn

Guy #1: So how are things going with your new girlfriend?
Guy #2: Dude–she's not my girlfriend. We're just fucking. And, like… I don't know. She's been acting really weird.
Guy #1: Weird like what?
Guy #2: I don't know! Whatever, man. I guess she and I were better off as siblings.

–McDonald's, Times Square

Overheard by: …that's what she said?

Wednesday One-Liners: Willing, but Unripe

Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!"

–R Train

Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: kfkdjsdf

Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs!

–SoHo

Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Jack Package

13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what… I lost my virginity last night… looks like you owe me a soda.

–H & M

Overheard by: Imani

Actually, Something Like This

Unattractive fag hag: So we went out Friday and he slept over afterwards.
Gay male friend: I knew it!
Unattractive fag hag: Yeah, but then like, the next morning, I was in the other room and I overheard him talking on his cell phone and he was saying something about how I was a brown bagger. What does that mean, that it was in the bag? Like, I'm a slut?
Gay male friend: Uhhhh… something like that.

–L Train

Wednesday One-Liners by Dr. Ruth

Woman to male companion: I told you about that guy I accidentally slept with, right?

–Bar at Sushi Samba, 7th Ave

Overheard by: David Russo

Girl to friend: Because it is more than just, sexual, you know? (pause) Well, actually, it's not, but…

–14th b/w 6th & 7th

Man to woman: You know Mesopotamian sex? That's me.

–Washington Square Park

Man walking dog on cell: My number one conquest since coming here was a 21-year-old Native American.

–27th & Broadway

Girl on cell: Mom, how am I supposed to have sex on a bed that has wheels?

–15th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Steve Hofstetter

Guy: So I fucked her on a bench, but I didn't finish, because I kept telling her about my girlfriend and how much I love her. So she got pissed of and took a taxi home to her parents.

–5th Ave

40-something man: Just tell that landlord that you don't need no electricity or no cable because you gonna be makin' love all the damn time!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: tracey