Archive for the ‘Hootchies’ Category

She’s the Cob, and They’re the Cornholders

Girl: There’s a Duane Reade.
Guy #1: What do we need a Duane Reade for?
Girl: If we’re gonna do this, you guys both have to be wearing condoms. –84th & Broadway Suit #1: But what happens if our cocks accidentally touch?
Suit #2: Well…we’re both adults, we’ll just have to deal with it. –52nd & Lexington

Wednesday One-Liners Get What’s Coming to Them

Girl on cell: It was spanky-wanky like I’ve never seen. –72nd St & Columbus Ave Overheard by: Scarfish Brunette on cell: It doesn’t sound that bad… Get a hold of yourself, it’s only a little torture. –Waverly & University Punk hootchie #1: I mean, why shouldn’t we feel pain when we want to?
Punk hootchie #2: [Shrugs.]
Punk hootchie #1: I mean, my mom’s on ecstasy all the time, so why shouldn’t she try out bondage? –Manhattan-bound 7 train Loud chick: Objectify me! –116th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Mixmaster Mike Chick on cell: He likes to go slow and gentle, which is okay, but sometimes I wish he’d just pull my hair and spank me a little. –11th & Broadway

Someone Has to Set Our Gender Back

College girl #1: Yeah, she’s afraid to go out anywhere. She always thinks she’s going to get raped.
College girl #2: I don’t understand the big deal about rape. If it happened to me I’d be like, ‘Oh, well, it was bound to happen.’
College girl #3: Haha, you’d probably like it.
College girl #2, nodding: Yeah, I would. –Elevator in apartment building Overheard by: Neil

Wednesday One-Liners Are Out the Door Before the Condom Comes Off

Building worker on cell: Like her? No, I don’t like her. I have to like every girl that I bone? Terrible? Why is that terrible? –52nd St & 6th Ave Overheard by: blatto Guy on cell: I’m looking for someone to, excuse my language, fuck, not just have sex with. –Manhattan Ave Overheard by: Jason Eurotrash: So then I felt bad because he couldn’t guess who I was and so I gave him a hint. I told him I would meet him at six o’clock at the motel, because you know, that was like our place! –34th St & 5th Ave Guy: You sleep with them once and they expect you to bring your toothbrush and loofa over the next time. –Tad’s Montana Overheard by: Mishen Girl on cell: Remember how I was talking to that guy in London? Well, he’s coming to visit for five days. Yeah, it’s gonna be fun. I’ve decided, after he leaves, I’m not going to talk to him anymore. What’s the point? It’s not even a relationship, it’s a pseudo-relationship. You fight and get mad and what for? I’m not moving to London, he’s not moving to New York. Yeah, so we’ll have fun, and then when he leaves, I just won’t talk to him anymore. How is that shady? –N train, Astoria Overheard by: MissPinkKate Girl: Yeah, I feel like I’m bangin’ the whole world! –Columbus Circle subway exit