Archive for the ‘Hospitals’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Swear It's Swine Flu

Sick cop to another: The way I see it, you've got seven holes in your head. If you don't wanna get sick, you just gotta keep your fingers out of those seven holes. Then you'll be good. –ER, Saint Vincent Hospital Overheard by: Dustin Old-school pimp on cell: I'm sick. (pause) Naw, baby, I just want you to bring me some money and chicken soup. –96th & Columbus Ave Woman on phone: Yeah, I'm doing really well. I just have some cancerous issues. But other than that, I'm great! –East Village Overheard by: Erin Woman to friend: So I was worried I had a urinary tract infection or something, even though it didn't hurt when I was peeing. But it turns out it was just a pube stuck in my clit. –R Train Overheard by: what the hell? Guy to friend: So, I finally got athlete's foot. –116th & Broadway Chick to guy friend: Well, if you hadn't spent the entire morning cursing out yo momma, then you wouldn't had gotten swine flu! –Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn Overheard by: Amused Freshman Hippie girl on cell: Hey, mom! How are you? (pause) Not so good, actually, my bloodwork just came back and I have Lyme disease! (pause) I know…it's like 70 degrees here! –42nd & Park Ave Overheard by: AwkwardTwig

Wednesday One-Liners for Ann Coulter

Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world. –LIRR Overheard by: Danielle Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick! –25th St & 6th Ave Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'. –84th & 2nd Overheard by: Val Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there. –Mount Sinai Hospital Overheard by: and by Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people. –Q Train

We Were Told There'd Be No Math on This Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell: I would have had to study way a lot more to do better on that exam. –72nd St & Broadway Student: I cheated on every test in that class…I even cheated on the survey! –Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: Liz Guy: I can't decide which song to listen to. (girls around him look at him quizzically) No, I normally listen to Van Halen's Right Now before a test, but this is my first exam in law school, and I want to set a precedent. –Fordham Law School Cafeteria, Lincoln Center Overheard by: pumpkin Guy on phone: Yeah, normally in these situations I'd knock on my head, but I need my brain for the test today, so I'm not going to pretend it's wood. –Ditmars & 31st St Overheard by: Natalie Student on phone: So what? I don't care that they're mad at me for getting pregnant again. I've got bigger things to deal with…two finals in one day. –Fordham University, Rose Hill Proctor: Okay, now don't leave any of the answers blank, cause it will be wrong. If you don't know, take a guess. It's like lotto: "Hey, you never know." –New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Overheard by: Kristina

Medsday One-Liners

Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema! –Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn Overheard by: Paper Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers! –3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn't get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending. –Kings County Emergency Room Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you'd go to the hospital! –Nassau St & Ann St Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist? –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: Sarah Booz

From Complaining About the Discharge?

Patient: I think my boyfriend and I have contracted either gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Patient: Well, he's having kind of a pussy discharge from his penis and a burning sensation when he urinates.
Doctor: And what symptoms have you been having?
Patient: Well, I've had a sore throat… –NYU Medical Center Overheard by: The nurse who just had to hear this story…

And You Think You've Got Problems?

Black lady #1: A rash, I got a rash! On my thing–my thing was little, they done made it big! And that shit is traveling, I don't know what the fuck I gonna do.
Black lady #2 (watching soap opera on tv): Expelled?
Black lady #1: What the fuck is that?
Black lady #2: He's expelled, that means he can't come to school no more. –Waiting Room, North General Hospital Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze