Archive for the ‘Hotels’ Category

What a Dump

Men #1 & #2: What is that?!
Man #3: Yep, yep, that’s me! Sorry, sorry! It’s me. I just don’t understand it — I’ve never shit my pants in my entire life!
Man #4: That’s disgusting!
Man #3: Sorry, sorry.
Elevator operator: Welcome to New York City. –Elevator at W Hotel, Union Square

You Can Make an Excellent Bread by Grinding Their Bones

(crowd of shrieking teenage girls outside Trump Hotel)
Ditzy woman #1 shouting: Look at that! Stupid people protesting! What idiots. Why would they be protesting?
Ditzy woman #2: Yeah. Lame!
Bystander: They aren't protesting. They are waiting for The Jonas Brothers to leave the hotel. –Outside Trump International Hotel Overheard by: Annie in MN

That One Guest Seems to Live in the Mirror

Suit #1: So where are you going on vacation?
Suit #2: St. Bart’s.
Suit #1: Are you staying in a house or at a hotel?
Suit #2: A house. God, I hate hotels. Inevitably there will be one guest that irritates me; I’ll see him around at lunch or something. Then I’ll obsess about it, all vacation long.
Suit #1: Yeah. –Landmark Gourmet, Pearl Street Overheard by: freshie

Wednesday One-Liners Prove That Nowhere Is Safe from Our Spies

Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop! –Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station Overheard by: Betsy [Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]
Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark! –Williamsburg, Brooklyn Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor! –Sheraton Hotel Overheard by: Morgan Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh! –SVA Animation Department Overheard by: Laughing Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts? –Kimmel Center, NYU Overheard by: JO in Bobst Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family. –AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall [Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]
Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!" –Office bathroom, 31st Street