Archive for the ‘Hotels’ Category

Just Like Les Mis!

40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Hey! How's it going?! Where are you from?
40-something regular guy: Seattle. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Newport Beach, California! What are you off to do?
40-something regular guy: Dinner and some drinks with friends. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Me and a buddy are going to take mushrooms and go see Young Frankenstein for the third time! It's hilarious when you're high!

–Elevator, Sheraton Hotel

An Inconvenient Wednesday One-Liner

Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.

–Gramercy

Overheard by: Max

Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: snow. trust me.

Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: queenofscots

Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!

–W 4th St

Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!

–140th St & Amsterdam

A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners

Eight-year-old Russian boy, in Martin Luther King voice: I had a dream, that one day…I pooped. (giggles)

–Q Ttrain

Overheard by: Robert G.

Drunk bro on phone: I know I'm not the guy you fuck in the shower, but can I shit on your chest?

–Fordham University

Woman on cell: There's no law against defecation.

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: SophieMed

Man whispering into cell: I'm going to have to take a number two while we're talking.

–Sunshine Suites

Young man on cell: We're in the ticket line. Are you still pooping?

–Castle Clinton

Overheard by: B Fraz

20-something guy to friends: When I poop on something, I want someone to notice!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I prefer to flush

You Can Make an Excellent Bread by Grinding Their Bones

(crowd of shrieking teenage girls outside Trump Hotel)
Ditzy woman #1 shouting
: Look at that! Stupid people protesting! What idiots. Why would they be protesting?

Ditzy woman #2: Yeah. Lame!
Bystander: They aren't protesting. They are waiting for The Jonas Brothers to leave the hotel.

–Outside Trump International Hotel

Overheard by: Annie in MN

Wednesday One-Liners Locate Carmen Sandiego

Guy on cell: I'm walking to my room from breakfast. Then I'm going to take a dump. Then I'm going downstairs.

–Hallway, Marriott Courtyard Hotel

Barista walking in, to no one in particular: Unfortunately, I'm here.

–Starbucks, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Robert

Lost tourist: We are stuck here in the middle of Times Square!

–Rockefeller Center

NYU girl on phone: Hello? No. No, I can't meet you. Because I'm lost. I'm lost in the West Village. You know how the streets there get weird? I have no idea where I am. I've been wandering around for hours and I don't know if I'll ever make it back, ever! No, don't try to find me, I haven't seen any street signs in ages. Okay, see you tomorrow…maybe not.

–Union Square

Loud black drag queen yelling into cell: Bitch, don't play with me! I know where you at!
(pause) Where you at?

–34th St & 8th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Fight for Their Right to Potty

Pissing guy on phone: What do you mean you're not going to have sex with me? (entire bathroom laughs hysterically) See! Even these motherfuckers agree with me!

–Bathroom, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Bobby

Dad to young son in bathroom stall: Aim in the bowl. Aim in the bowl. Aim in the bowl. Did you aim in the bowl? Did you aim in the bowl? (son comes out of stall) You did! But you didn't flush. One out of two ain't bad.

–Bathroom, Union Square Movie Theater

(constipation grunts and electronic sounds are heard inside next stall)
Guy in next stall, on walkie-talkie
: Hey, Tony, turn the walkie-talkie off when you take a shit!


–Men's Room, Hilton Hotel

Drunk white girl: Oh my god, this bathroom is so dark. How am I supposed to see my vagina?

–East Village

Tall black British guy using the urinal, to himself: Repeat aftah me…you are a rock star! Ah! Yeah!

–5th Avenue