Archive for the ‘Hudson River’ Category

Wanna Buy a Bridge, Wednesday One-Liners?

10-year-old tourist kid: Mom, is Brooklyn famous for its graffiti?

–Coney Island-bound D train

Overheard by: BB

White guy, pointing: Over there in Brooklyn three-year-olds just, like, walk around!

–Delancey & Essex

Overheard by: Red Hair

Guy walking through bar: What’s with Brooklyn and beards?

–Union Hall, Park Slope

Overheard by: jasonjason

Guy: Brooklyn is the middle borough in terms of goodness.

–Kosher Delight

Thugette to double decker tour bus: Brooklyn! Brooklyn! You’re taking a tour of Brooklyn! I just got out of jail!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Staying on the bus….

Wednesday One-Liners Only a Mother Could Love

Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up!

–Abingdon Square Park

Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw.

–Governors Island

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michael O'Connor

Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Michael

Tour De Wednesday One-Liners

Fat tourist: Exactly, like, I know Disney trivia, but of course I don't know general trivia.

–Ellis Island

Overheard by: Cat

Female tourist with Irish accent, reading leaflet: Jaysas lads, it only took them 14 months to build this, I wonder if it's okay like.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: joanie

Tourist gazing up at the Empire State Building: They sure could fit a lotta hay in there!

–Outside Empire State Building

Overheard by: Duppy

Tourist: Where do they keep the cemeteries around here?

–Next to St. Paul's Cemetery/Church

Female tourist: Oh my god, I can't believe we're on the 6… Just like J.Lo.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Courtney C.

Overzealous British tourist father, pointing at map: Okay, everyone. We're passing by Madison Square Gardens. They must be lovely at this time of year. We're on the Metropolitan Line, see? The Met Line. Just like in London. We're going to get off at Rector Street. It's the last stop before Brooklyn, so if we miss our stop, we'll be in Brooklyn, and we don't want that! Look, now there are no more numbers. When there are no more numbers in the station names, that means we're at the bottom of the underground. Oh, look, it's Chinatown. This is where all the orientals get off.

–R Line

Overheard by: office peon is one of those Orientals…

Female tourist: Know what? Fuck it, I just want to go back to my hotel room and take a shit.

–Canal St

Wednesday One-Liners Say a Mouthful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can't be Facebook friends?

–20th St & 6th Ave

Guy to buddies in the passing Skyfari car: Yo, that building over there… That's the building where I got that $5 blowjob.

–Skyfari, Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Stefan Yonker

Young man, dismissively: I could fucking suck cocks for a living, it doesn't matter!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Middle schooler, wrestling in Aids memorial: Ooops, I sucked your dick!

–Hudson River Park

Overheard by: Nina & Phil

Middle-school girl to mother: My e-mail password is "blowjob".

–L Train

Night-Night, Wednesday-One-Liner Tight!

20-something girl: I mean, I can always sleep on top of him.

–Strawberry's, Queens Centre Mall

Overheard by: i like that option…

Man to friend: I keep having dreams about being with other women, and I've never had them before. I think it must be the time of year or something.

–Hudson River Park

Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ecstasy while I was sleeping…

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Guy on cell: That's awesome! (pause) That's awesome! (pause) Dude, that's like reverse Sleepaway Camp!

–27th & 2nd

Overheard by: liz

Nurse: I just want to stop having dreams of him saying "pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…"

–Columbia University

Overheard by: p y l

You Look Great! Have You Been Wednesday-One-Linering?

Old obese Italian guy sharing pizza and a pitcher of beer with old obese Italian friend: Yeah, so I walk 3-4 miles 5 times a week, and I eat a lot of salad.

–Carmine St.

Fat running lady to friend, watching middle school track team go by: Haha, look at dem running girls. I can run like that too!

–by the Hudson River

Morbidly obese woman walking track to group of friends: Look at all these people runnin da track all fast and shit. (panting) Look at dem with their skinny asses running past us like they're better and shit. Fagmuffins!

–Forest Park Track, Queens

Overheard by: D. Scibe

Girl on cell phone: I mean, usually in order to get a full workout it takes me like an hour to sweat. I never sweat, never. It's always so hard for me to get a workout. (pause) Yeah, seriously, I mean, I've gotta stretch first, work myself up, I mean… Really, it takes a long time til I feel like I've gotten a good workout usually. But this time it was just one… (pause) awesome, huge, unbelievable cock! (pause) Oh, shit, I forgot I'm in public!

–15th & 7th

Cop to guy in handcuffs: I swear to god I won't arrest you if you do 10 push-ups right now. Swear to god.

–28th & 2nd

Kids Say the Darndest Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph?

–Playground, Houston St, Soho

Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals!

–Pier 46, Hudson River Park

Overheard by: skeptical james

Three-year-old boy: The night… why does it hurt?

–Flushing Playground

Six-year-old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger!

–Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kendra

Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we going to get through all of this?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: i feel the same way

Four-year-old boy: I gotta feelin… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good good night!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Overheard by: wooohoooo

Little girl, in Cro-Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you!

–American Museum of Natural History

Shall We Consult Our Biology Textbooks?

Guy, looking at historic buildings: This is the kind of thing they should have taught us in school.
Girl: Yeah, there's a lot of things that schools didn't teach us.
Guy: I think a bug just flew into my nose.
Girl: What?
Guy: It's squirming around in there. It's really uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about it.

–Governor's Island

Overheard by: Kevin

Wednesday One-Liners Go Directly to My Thighs

Professor, seriously: Were you involved in the jelly bean incident?

–Physics Hallway, Trinity School

Overheard by: Siena

CSR: Stale peeps are excellent! Now, that is one finely-aged peep.

–Hudson & Houston

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Man to friends sitting on bench: You either look at the girl or you look at the ice cream!

–Outside Sundaes & Cones, 10th & 3rd

Overheard by: The Girl Anonymous

Cheerful gift shop clerk on phone: So I got my peanut buttercups and then Anne* saw me on the street and came up to me, and punched me in the face and was all "Give me a peanut buttercup!" and I said "but there are only two in the package and I was saving one for Robert*!" Then she punched me in the face again!

–The Cloisters

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Greek waitress: Ice cream without whipped cream is like… girl without boyfriend!

–Diner, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.