Archive for the ‘Hudson River’ Category

Wanna Buy a Bridge, Wednesday One-Liners?

10-year-old tourist kid: Mom, is Brooklyn famous for its graffiti? –Coney Island-bound D train Overheard by: BB White guy, pointing: Over there in Brooklyn three-year-olds just, like, walk around! –Delancey & Essex Overheard by: Red Hair Guy walking through bar: What’s with Brooklyn and beards? –Union Hall, Park Slope Overheard by: jasonjason Guy: Brooklyn is the middle borough in terms of goodness. –Kosher Delight Thugette to double decker tour bus: Brooklyn! Brooklyn! You’re taking a tour of Brooklyn! I just got out of jail! –Brooklyn Overheard by: Staying on the bus….

Shall We Consult Our Biology Textbooks?

Guy, looking at historic buildings: This is the kind of thing they should have taught us in school.
Girl: Yeah, there's a lot of things that schools didn't teach us.
Guy: I think a bug just flew into my nose.
Girl: What?
Guy: It's squirming around in there. It's really uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about it. –Governor's Island Overheard by: Kevin

Kids Say the Darndest Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph? –Playground, Houston St, Soho Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals! –Pier 46, Hudson River Park Overheard by: skeptical james Three-year-old boy: The night… why does it hurt? –Flushing Playground Six-year-old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger! –Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope Overheard by: Kendra Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we going to get through all of this? –Penn Station Overheard by: i feel the same way Four-year-old boy: I gotta feelin… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good good night! –Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square Overheard by: wooohoooo Little girl, in Cro-Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you! –American Museum of Natural History

Hooked on Wednesday One-Liners Worked for Me!

Tween girl: No, it's "Yiddish"! "Yiddish," not "ribbit." –Penn Station Overheard by: ragnvaeig 20-something girl to older friend: No, no… "ghetto" is just slang–it's not a real word. –PATH Train Guy on cell: Yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo, yo. –Pacific St & Atlantic Ave Overheard by: jayloo Guy to another, who has obviously caused him some emotional strife: I just don't understand why you had to did me so dirty. –Hudson River Park Teenage boy: But I ain't know where was them talkin' about it! (teenage friend nods sympathetically) –Downtown 6 Train Girl to guy: It must be your manstinct. (pause) Not ya manstink! –Central Park

Wednesday One-Liners Only a Mother Could Love

Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up! –Abingdon Square Park Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people! –10th St & 5th Ave Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw. –Governors Island Overheard by: Natalie Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*. –Union Square Overheard by: Michael O'Connor Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you. –M86 Bus Overheard by: Michael

Tour De Wednesday One-Liners

Fat tourist: Exactly, like, I know Disney trivia, but of course I don't know general trivia. –Ellis Island Overheard by: Cat Female tourist with Irish accent, reading leaflet: Jaysas lads, it only took them 14 months to build this, I wonder if it's okay like. –Empire State Building Overheard by: joanie Tourist gazing up at the Empire State Building: They sure could fit a lotta hay in there! –Outside Empire State Building Overheard by: Duppy Tourist: Where do they keep the cemeteries around here? –Next to St. Paul's Cemetery/Church Female tourist: Oh my god, I can't believe we're on the 6… Just like J.Lo. –Downtown 6 Train Overheard by: Courtney C. Overzealous British tourist father, pointing at map: Okay, everyone. We're passing by Madison Square Gardens. They must be lovely at this time of year. We're on the Metropolitan Line, see? The Met Line. Just like in London. We're going to get off at Rector Street. It's the last stop before Brooklyn, so if we miss our stop, we'll be in Brooklyn, and we don't want that! Look, now there are no more numbers. When there are no more numbers in the station names, that means we're at the bottom of the underground. Oh, look, it's Chinatown. This is where all the orientals get off. –R Line Overheard by: office peon is one of those Orientals… Female tourist: Know what? Fuck it, I just want to go back to my hotel room and take a shit. –Canal St

Wednesday One-Liners Say a Mouthful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can't be Facebook friends? –20th St & 6th Ave Guy to buddies in the passing Skyfari car: Yo, that building over there… That's the building where I got that $5 blowjob. –Skyfari, Bronx Zoo Overheard by: Stefan Yonker Young man, dismissively: I could fucking suck cocks for a living, it doesn't matter! –St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave Middle schooler, wrestling in Aids memorial: Ooops, I sucked your dick! –Hudson River Park Overheard by: Nina & Phil Middle-school girl to mother: My e-mail password is "blowjob". –L Train

Night-Night, Wednesday-One-Liner Tight!

20-something girl: I mean, I can always sleep on top of him. –Strawberry's, Queens Centre Mall Overheard by: i like that option… Man to friend: I keep having dreams about being with other women, and I've never had them before. I think it must be the time of year or something. –Hudson River Park Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ecstasy while I was sleeping… –23rd St & 8th Ave Guy on cell: That's awesome! (pause) That's awesome! (pause) Dude, that's like reverse Sleepaway Camp! –27th & 2nd Overheard by: liz Nurse: I just want to stop having dreams of him saying "pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…" –Columbia University Overheard by: p y l

You Look Great! Have You Been Wednesday-One-Linering?

Old obese Italian guy sharing pizza and a pitcher of beer with old obese Italian friend: Yeah, so I walk 3-4 miles 5 times a week, and I eat a lot of salad. –Carmine St. Fat running lady to friend, watching middle school track team go by: Haha, look at dem running girls. I can run like that too! –by the Hudson River Morbidly obese woman walking track to group of friends: Look at all these people runnin da track all fast and shit. (panting) Look at dem with their skinny asses running past us like they're better and shit. Fagmuffins! –Forest Park Track, Queens Overheard by: D. Scibe Girl on cell phone: I mean, usually in order to get a full workout it takes me like an hour to sweat. I never sweat, never. It's always so hard for me to get a workout. (pause) Yeah, seriously, I mean, I've gotta stretch first, work myself up, I mean… Really, it takes a long time til I feel like I've gotten a good workout usually. But this time it was just one… (pause) awesome, huge, unbelievable cock! (pause) Oh, shit, I forgot I'm in public! –15th & 7th Cop to guy in handcuffs: I swear to god I won't arrest you if you do 10 push-ups right now. Swear to god. –28th & 2nd