Archive for the ‘Hugs’ Category

Where the Sex Of Fuzzy Creatures Is Never an Issue

Southern tourist #1: Oh my! Oh. My. God!
Southern tourist #2: Woman, what is it?
Southern tourist #1: It's that Elmo again! I saw him yesterday! At the same place! It's preying on tourists!
Southern tourist #2: Maybe you just need a hug from him!
Suit: It is an “it!” An “it,” you tourist fools! It! It! Iiiiiiiiiiiittttttt!
Southern tourist #2: I toldja we shoulda just stuck with Atlantic City. –Times Square

Wednesday-One-Liner Me, Kate

Black lesbian hipster: Don't, like, kiss me or look into my eyes…just fuck me and then buy me lunch. –Eugene Lang College Overheard by: Helena the Great Little boy to sister, watching couple kissing and hugging: Ewwwwww! He kissed her! –3rd Ave & 34th St Overheard by: Valley Guy on cell: So then if she has herpes, should I not kiss her? –PATH Train Woman to toddler: Yes, it's good. It's very good. Kissing and hugging are good. –Eldridge St, Chinatown Overheard by: wheelerface Dad, to teenage son: Hey, Karen kissed me. And it was real. –E 20th St Overheard by: Angela 250-pound male Metro worker, singing gruffly: I kissed a girl and I liked it! –Grand Central Overheard by: Chis K

Embrace Your Wednesday One-Liners

Guy at party: I'm known for my creepy hugs. –16th St & Union Square Overheard by: Kitty Hobo: Okay, you know the drill. I'm hungry, give me money so I can buy breakfast.
(nobody does) Alright, if you don't want to give any money, if you're reasonably attractive, hug a brotha! That works too. –F Train Panhandler: Any little bit helps, folks. Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters. If you don't have any money this morning and you're, like, really attractive, you can just give me a big hug and rub up on me a little bit, and we'll call it even. –F Train Overheard by: kdice Woman's voice on public announcement system: You want me to hug you? –Port Authority Ghetto Latina, seeing MTA worker hug crying bag lady: Shit, I'm from the Bronx, born and raised, and I ain't never seen no subway man be giving out free hugs. I seen shouting matches, I seen drug deals, I seen fist fights, but I ain't never seen no free hugs in a subway station. That's some fuckin dedication right there. –59th St. Subway Station Overheard by: slc boy Subway panhandler: If you don't have any food, but you do happen to be, like, incredibly good looking, I do accept hugs. (middle aged man with L.L.Bean backpack smiles and holds his arms open invitingly) I'll have to give you a raincheck on that one, sir. –F Train Overheard by: linda

Wednesday One-Liners Set the Bar Low and Then Step Over It

Friend: First you suspect he’s a date rapist, and now you’re worried he isn’t going to call? –Union Square Trendy woman: I need to be touched by a man in a loving way…It doesn’t even have to be loving. —Pirates of the Caribbean 2 advance screening, the Ziegfield Overheard by: Nick Draven 20-something girl on cell: I just wanna kiss someone! –M15 bus Girl: I’m going to make out with someone tonight. I’ve already decided. –4th St, between 1st & 2nd Overheard by: Ted Well-dressed guy: You just hate that you can’t get a one-eyed, homeless black guy to think you’re hot. –B train Overheard by: Sugarnuts