Archive for the ‘Hunter’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle and Snort

Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.

–N Train

Overheard by: annearchist

Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?

–Hunter College

Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?

–JCPenny

Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Samantha

Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Nicole

It's a Small Wednesday One-liner, After All.

Hipster teenage girl: Holy crap, there's a midget! I love seeing midgets in the city. I always text my friends and say "there's a midget following me!"

–Central Park

Woman on cell: You and me can't eat twice. Midgets can eat twice. (pause) And babies can eat twice too!

–5th Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Kody

Theater teacher: Even though he was under four feet and she was over six feet, it wasn't that weird. I mean, that scene with the deep kissing, when the whole crew is watching, that was kind of… hot. (pause) No, no, I mean, I wasn't sitting there being like, "wow, this midget really turns me on!" I don't go on giantess. Come in my spare time…

–Hunter College High School

Sexy guy: Don't pretend you've never wondered what it would look like to see midgets make 600 chocolate casino dice.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Wednesday Off-the-Rack-Liners

20-something man on cell: I just bought another Transformers t-shirt. That means I am one Transformers t-shirt away from being able to only wear Transformers t-shirts.

–9th Ave & 45th St

Overheard by: Serena

Male art teacher: What's wrong with chiffon? If I were home right now, I would be wearing chiffon.

–Hunter College High School

Bar owner to college kid wearing suit: Look atchu all dressed up. What, are you goin' on a game show or somethin?

–Citi Bar

Overheard by: Lulu

20-something girl on cell: You should've known when you liked his clothes that he was going to be overly emotional. No one who dresses that good can hold it all together.

–Locker Room, Crunch Gym

Guy to group of friends: Yeah, so I said to him, "Mike, it's a problem when you wearin' the same clothes as your daughter.'"

–5th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Sue

Hugs, Not Wednesday One-Liners!

NYU professor: Stay away from drugs. (pause) Unless they're recreational and you know what you're doing!

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: liz

Tall kid: I don't like opiates in general. I'm for up, not down. At any rate, I have a fucking honky horn!

–Hunter College High School

Guy: I think I need to do more shrooms and acid.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Jordan

Girl to friend: You should try something natural, like shrooms.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julie

Druggie clerk on cell: I mean: come on, man! That's my fucking apartment. If he wants to smoke weed or shoot up in my apartment, it's like, whatever. But crack? No. That's my fucking home. Seriously.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Emmy

Smug, Superior Wednesday One-Liners

NYU girl: I love authentic ethnic food, but not authentic ethnic service. Could you please Americanize your demeanor when you hand me a plate? I like service with a smile.

–Washington Square Park

Emo girl to friend, laughing hysterically, with a huge smile on his face: Stop! You've used up two of my three allotted daily smiles.

–R Train

College boy: We should put them on our penises. So it looks like a smiley face every time we pee.

–Williamsburg

Math teacher, seeing smiley face on board: Is that a penis?

–Hunter College High School

The Dishonorable Discharge Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: Okay, how do I put this delicately? (pause) Yeah, I don't think I can. Here's the difference between you and me: when I hear that a guy I like is riddled with STDs, I cut off all ties and stop thinking of him as a potential sexual conquest. (pause) Alright, dude, but don't come crying to me when you get your first outbreak.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: tatunit

20-something girl: I swear to god: if I get syphilis, I'm spreading it.

–Penn Station

Girl on cell phone: Yeah, and then the lady asked me to take off my pants because she wanted to do an examination. Well, I freaked because it's like a fucking jungle down there, and I wasn't expecting the exam. It was alright, though, the poster in front of me with disgusting images of vaginas with warts and cysts and stuff gave me comfort that the situation could be a lot more embarrassing.

–NYU Health Center

Girl on cell: I didn't say anything about your sister having herpes!

–Hunter College

Crazy health teacher: Now I am going to speak about sexually transmitted diseases. I know this is a subject which you enjoy. (students laugh) What? It is true. Everyone begins to grow excited when I speak of this subject.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-Liners, Unfiltered

Social studies teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. To bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least.

–Hunter College High School

Girl to friend: What I really want right now is a whippit and two cigarettes.

–NYU Dorm

Subway girl: You know, he smokes a lot for being crippled.

–N Train

High school boy: You know Danny? He's been smoking since he was in second grade.

–Cold Stone Creamery

Overheard by: Kristina

Old lady to store owner: I just got out of the hospital. Can I have a lighter? A BIC one.

–Amsterdam & 88th St

Overheard by: Beez and Newb