Archive for the ‘Hunter’ Category

Wednesdays Become One-Liner With the Universe

Young child to mother: I am not psychic.

–Downtown B Train

Overheard by: furf

Normal-looking guy: But we have the complexity of magic!

–NYU

Asian Bikram instructor: Listen to your breast and find your inner piss.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Bikram Curious

Thug on cell: You don't know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you really blacked out. But you have to understand that the spiritual world and the physical world are two different things. (pause) I don't have evidence of a spiritual world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That's his name, right?

–Hunter College

Overheard by: trapped@hunter

Guy on phone: Listen, Julian, you are a shit-ass excuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut butter from between my toes. (pause) Listen, Julian, I'm on the other line with my psychic, let me call you back.

–49th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Lara

Wednesday One-Liners Go for the Jugular

Slutty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I've been shitting blood for two days.

–Citi Field Stadium

Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: jax

Chick laughing hysterically on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Fresh Man

Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleeding from his eye sockets and shit. (pause) So you wanna meet up later?

–Willoughby & Vanderbilt

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Eat in a Restaurant Called “Ma's”

Nine-year-old boy to mother, forlornly: In five days, it will be two weeks since we last ate in a restaurant.

–75th & Amsterdam

Jewish girl with heavy New York accent: So when we went to the South we ate at a waffle house, aka the most amazing experience ever! Everyone there was missing at least two teeth!

–Baruch College

Overheard by: kteezy

Man on cell: What the fuck was in that Chipotle last night?

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: Steve

Preppy teenage boy to friend: Dude, so then I took her to Applebee's. She thought it was so romantic–like "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" status.

–Hunter

Overheard by: Hakuna Matata

Wednesday One-Liners Go to a Donner Party

Honest woman: I have no maternal instinct. If I had young, I would eat them.

–Artepasta Restaurant

Overheard by: subway phantom

Girl: That wasn't my idea! My idea was cannibalism!

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Green Star

Girl to another: Can I nibble your butt for a minute?

–Hunter High School

Overheard by: uh oh

Mets fan, yelling at opposing team's right fielder: Don't you look at me, number 47! I'll eat your eyeballs!

–Citifield

Overheard by: Jonathan Abraham

Guy on cell: What do you think about "Horace W. Cannibal?"

–6th & 27th

Overheard by: Eve

Wednesday One-Liners by Dan Brown

Loud bar patron, reading new item on menu: Anybody know what artisan cheese is? Anybody at all? (mutters) Shit man, this is Astoria, we don't know no artisan cheese.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Jesse

Guy: He said "when you cum yourself." I looked at him and said "that is not how you say that."

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Jill

Girl to friend: So, you see, I was right! It's spelled w-h-e-r-e!

–McDonald's

Guy: And stop trying to rhyme words with other words.

–16th St & 8th Ave

Guy to girl: I am really into words, especially long ones. I love them, and like, collect them. There is a word for people like that, but it's pretty long, so I can't remember it.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Eavesdropper

Lady: He doesn't speak English good, so he gots deported.

–Park Slope

But White Cigarettes Are Okay?

Asshole: Hey, do you have a cigarette?
Stranger #1: No.
Stranger #2: You can have one of mine.
Asshole: Thanks, this guy (points) has some, but he won't give me one.
(stranger #1 gives asshole cigarette and a white lighter)
Asshole, lighting cigarette
: Hey, you know white lighters are bad luck?

Stranger #1: So?
Asshole: You should get a new lighter.
Stranger #1: You should get your own fucking cigarette.
Stranger #2: Yeah, fuck you!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: off white