Archive for the ‘Idiots’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners May Need to Pay for It

Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.

–1 train

Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.

–96th St station

Mid-50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?

–Sushi restaurant, Soho

Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.

–E 61st & Lex

Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.

–E 23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Jake

Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.

–Leon M. Goldstein High

Overheard by: Hand-banana

Oh, Cry Me a River

Girl #1: He used to hang out at Bungalow 8 and do coke with Joaquin Phoenix all the time.
Guy #1: That’s so cool!
Girl #2: How can Joaquin Phoenix do coke? He’s a vegan!
Girl #1: Vegans can’t do coke?
Girl #2: Well, being vegan is supposedly to be all…conscious and stuff.
Guy #2: Does he think they make coke with meat? –Williamsburg Overheard by: ~dana

The Advance Scout from Planet X Blows Its Cover

Guy: You know, they’re giving away money on the T train for being nice.
Bimbette: What?
Guy: The T train — they’re giving away money to people who are nice.
Bimbette: Who are?
Guy: The T train.
Bimbette: How can a train give away money?
Guy: Not the train. The people — the train people.
Bimbette: Why would they give away money?
Guy: To encourage people to be nice. They give it to people who do nice things.
Bimbette: Nice things?
Guy: Yeah, like holding open the door, letting someone have your seat — nice things.
Bimbette: How can they just give away money?
Guy: It’s not actual money. They’re gift certificates to Dunkin’ Donuts.
Bimbette: What’s a donut?
Guy: Are you fucking kidding me?

–A train

Overheard by: this imaginary train you speak of sounds nice