Archive for the ‘Idiots’ Category

Why Is This Girl Riding the Subway?

JAP: Oh my god, I can’t wait to move into the city. I can’t take my house anymore, my parents are always up my ass. Gabby, what time will you be home? Gabby, don’t forget to tell Rosa to pick up your dry cleaning! Gabby, we’re paying your tuition, you can’t treat this house like a hotel! It’s so annoying! I just wanna be on my own, I can take care of myself, I don’t need them constantly doing stuff for me!
Friend: Yeah… So where were you thinking of moving?
JAP: I dunno, my dad said he might let me move into his apartment on 89th. Either that, or a partner at his firm is selling a co-op that he might buy for me. He said I can choose. –Uptown W train

Half-Credit for Originality

High school guy: Why they called us ‘niggers’? They wake up and say, ‘We callin ’em ‘niggers’ from now on!’ or something?
High school girl: No, idiot, ’cause they got us from the Nigger River in Africa. –CCNY, 135th Convent Ave Overheard by: APR 04 Alum

There Should Be an IQ Prerequisite for Adultery

Man #1 spotting bench pressing Man #2: So, how’s the wifey?
Man #2: Oh, man, things aren’t good.
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: Her phone went dead so she borrowed mine. It was loud at the bar, so she went into the bathroom… She read my text messages. I had been texting some girl I hooked up with.
Man #1: Delete! Dude, delete!
Man #2: I know, but I even had her under a code name, ‘Rubes,’ because I met her through Ruben! –Gym, Midtown Overheard by: SwrrlGurll

Wednesday One-Liners?

Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this? –Scholastic Store, Soho Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin? –Leon M. Goldstein High School Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train? –Penn Station Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station… Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags? –Canal Street Station Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here? –Duane Reade Overheard by: fellow customer Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that? –Upper East Side Overheard by: sarahjane