Archive for the ‘Idiots’ Category

Better Spit Out That Gum Before Walking

Gum-chewing chick #1: He should get life for what he did.
Gum-chewing chick #2: Life? He should be executed!
Gum-chewing chick #1: That’s what I mean! He should get life!
Gum-chewing chick #2: That’s not what “getting life” means. “Getting life” means you go to prison for the rest of your life. Don’t you know anything?
Gum-chewing chick #1: Well, I don’t read the papers or watch the news… –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

She Never Made It

Ghetto chick holding up lipstick: Teesha, smell this! Do this smell right to you?
Teesha: I don’t know. What it s’posed to smell like?
Ghetto chick: It smell funny — like it been in the store too long. I’ma take this shit back to Rite Aid [she puts the lipstick on].

–PATH

Overheard by: Manhattman

There Should Be an IQ Prerequisite for Adultery

Man #1 spotting bench pressing Man #2: So, how’s the wifey?
Man #2: Oh, man, things aren’t good.
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: Her phone went dead so she borrowed mine. It was loud at the bar, so she went into the bathroom… She read my text messages. I had been texting some girl I hooked up with.
Man #1: Delete! Dude, delete!
Man #2: I know, but I even had her under a code name, ‘Rubes,’ because I met her through Ruben!

–Gym, Midtown

Overheard by: SwrrlGurll

In One Case, Thousands of Greek Soldiers

Puerto Rican teen #1: That’s nothing. I seen a horse give birth on the TV. That baby horse just come outta the big horse butt all slimy and shit.
Puerto Rican teen #2: Oh, snap?
Puerto Rican teen #1: For real, yo. That’s some big stuff comin’ outta your butt if you’re a horse and shit…

–14th St, between Ave A & Ave B

Look, Can We Just Fuck So I Can Stop Pretending to Care?

Girl #1, about her new website: So, our e-newsletter will be sent out weekly with pictures accompanying every article….
Girl #2, trying really hard to be interested: That’s a very… interesting way to keep things… interesting, and get people… interested… in what you’re selling. That’s great!

–Greyhound bus, Port Authority

Overheard by: Sim

Right, in the Same Way That Cornell Is “Ivy League”

Slacker #1: Yo, man, where you goin’ to college?
Slacker #2: Just a CUNY, man — Queens College.
Slacker #1: Yo, man, isn’t that a borough? Is that Borough College?
Slacker #2: I’m not sure. Yeah, man, maybe. Manhattan College would be ‘City college,’ right?

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Ashamed to go to school with them