Excited train operator: This is a Brooklyn-bound f train. Please step in and stand clear of the closing doors… Did any of y'all watch Cold Case Files last night? Whoooo!
–F Train
Female suit to another: I mean, we're better off having our kids watch American Idol than Baby Einstein.
–3rd & 84th
Overheard by: Daniela
Angry woman: They lied bout all that shit! I don't care bout her baby whether she's preggo or sick. I'mma whip that ugly bitch's ass… This ain't no Leave it to Beaver nothin' !
–Q Train
Overheard by: Taylor
Loud college student: A lot of things in my life I've been mirroring after the Dog Whisperer show. You know? It's just socializing.
–Library
Overheard by: Elyse
Teenage guy to friend: Man, every time I watch tv, I fucking hate life.
–81st St & Columbus Ave
Archive for the ‘Illness’ Category
You Sometimes See a Big Pile Of People Parts on Park Avenue
Woman on crutches: Do you have a cold?
Woman with red nose: Yedd. I'b geddig over it.
Woman on crutches: Oh my god, we're all falling apart!
–26th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Rose Fox
The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners
20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!
–59th St & 11th
Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.
–Grand Street Stop, D Train
Overheard by: Justin W
Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!
–Port Authority
20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?
–Metro-North
Overheard by: RedShikari
Why Being a Smart Fat Girl Is Never Fun.
Man on street corner to overweight teen girl: Ooh, I like them healthy girls!
Overweight teen girl: I'm not healthy! I'm at high risk for diabetes!
–147th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Innocent By-stander
Anything You Say Can and Will Be Used Against Wednesday One-Liners
Little boy to father, watching NYPD officers standing outside on horseback: Shit, yo! The cops is here!
–W 42nd St
Overheard by: Nikki
Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrians: We have sidewalks in New York. Try using them!
–Chinatown
NYC cop to pushy tourist: Don't touch me, I have no answers for you.
–Columbus Circle
Man to cop: When are you gonna learn that, man? People suck!
–Grand Central Station
Cop on horseback to pedestrian horse admirer: Don't get any closer to the horse, unless you want rabies.
–3rd St & Thompson
Overheard by: Heather
But They Have the Cutest Little Raspy Voices!
New girlfriend: My cat has asthma.
New boyfriend: Your cat has asthma?
New girlfriend: Yeah. That's why I quit smoking.
New boyfriend: You really need to get rid of those fucking cats.
–Movie Theater Line
Overheard by: Cindee
“Not a Wednesday Was Stirring, Not Even a One-Liner”
Little girl: Daddy! I'm so excited to see the rats!
–Metro-North Rail
20-something guy to friends: He couldn't drink because he was on antibiotics. He got a rat disease from a lab rat that bit him.
–Lincoln Center
Guy to girlfriend: I step on dead rats all the time!
–Mercer St
Overheard by: Julie
20-something girl on cell: The mouse was fed to the snake the night before, so when I saw it the next morning, I freaked.
–R Train
Cop: We had a guy down here eating a rat. I said, "You're a gentleman in society." He put the rat in his mouth.
–South Ferry Subway
Wednesdays Wish They Could Be More Like One-Liners
White teenage boy to black teenage boy: She thinks I am a rapist or something.
(black teenage boy giggles) Which I am cool with, you know what I mean?
–Bay Ridge Ave & 4th Ave
Brunette Guido girl: Ohmigosh, you would love this girl, she's like, the only cool blonde person. This one time she was just like "Dude, can we just do the peace-and-love thing? Cause, I don't know how to fight."
–LIRR
Overheard by: whaaasgood
Fashion intern: I had swine flu last year, before it was cool.
–Cafeteria, Hearst Tower
Overheard by: interns are our future
Bike rider on phone, walking with girlfriend: I don't have his number, but you can call Tom* and go down there. Those guys are pretty cool. You can just go down there and give them a prostate massage.
–Riverside Park
All My Cowfriends Have It
Girl #1: It's called “foot and mouth disease,” isn't that gross? I so don't want to get that!
Girl #2: Ewww! What is it?
Girl #1: I don't know, but it sounds disgusting!
–M Train
Overheard by: Dara
…So, Too Bad You're So Sweet.
Cute hipster girl to guy with missing front tooth: Excuse me, is this your needle?
(hands him hypodermic needle he had left on his seat)
Sketchy guy: Oh, yeah, thanks. Diabetic.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rick Bruner