Archive for the ‘Illness’ Category

Lions, and Tigers, and Wednesday One-Liners — Oh My!

20-something woman on cell: Did I tell you mom got into a fight with a raccoon again? (pause) Yeah, I know, our mom is totally going to die of rabies.

–Starbucks, West Village

Overheard by: Vaccinated for rabies

Guy to another: Flap your wings baby, just flap your wings!

–Broadway

Woman, shouting at no one in particular: You know I'm unstoppable! I'm like an ox!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

NYU girl: My mother was like, "what would you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" and I was like, "what wouldn't you do with a giant inflatable turkey?"

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Mickey

Wednesday One-Drink-Minimum Liners

Man arguing with woman: I was single and drunk and shit happened.

–3rd Ave & 13th St

Man to woman: If I wasn't so diabetic I wouldn't have got so drunk.

–14th St & Ave A

Overheard by: S

Enthusiastic 30-something woman: This is a fine time for me to start drinking again!

–Blue Bar, Algonquin Hotel

Overheard by: Terry

Girl to friends: I don't think I'm a whore. It just enhances what you would normally do with less judgment.

–Astoria

Overheard by: The Princess og Fancy

Excited girl: I haven't drunk since the last time we drank!

–1st Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: Erin

Wednesday One-Liners Make Beautiful Music Together

20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.

–LIRR

Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kishan

FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza

Overheard by: Rob

Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Dani Cakes

Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.

–City College

Overheard by: Stephen

We Pause for a Wednesday One-Liners Public Service Announcement

Girl on cell: Yeah, the breakup was tough, but I'm feeling good about it now! (pause) Hell, yes, I'm dating! (pause) Yeah, it's an exciting time! So much suspense, so many questions! Will he call me? Whom should I choose? Does he like me? Do I have syphilis?

–M4 Bus

Overheard by: All good questions

Drunk gay guy who just dropped lit cigarette: Shit! If I pick this up, do I have herpes?

–Waverly & University Place

Guy to friend: Nietzsche had syphilis… Why can't I?

–G Train

Woman at newsstand: Do you sell anything for herpes and cold sores?

–W 4th St

Overheard by: wow…i didnt kno they sold that her

Gay man to girlfriend: Is Mr Syphilis coming?

–24th & 2nd

Overheard by: erkala

Wednesday One-Liners Are Having an Episode.

Excited train operator: This is a Brooklyn-bound f train. Please step in and stand clear of the closing doors… Did any of y'all watch Cold Case Files last night? Whoooo!

–F Train

Female suit to another: I mean, we're better off having our kids watch American Idol than Baby Einstein.

–3rd & 84th

Overheard by: Daniela

Angry woman: They lied bout all that shit! I don't care bout her baby whether she's preggo or sick. I'mma whip that ugly bitch's ass… This ain't no Leave it to Beaver nothin' !

–Q Train

Overheard by: Taylor

Loud college student: A lot of things in my life I've been mirroring after the Dog Whisperer show. You know? It's just socializing.

–Library

Overheard by: Elyse

Teenage guy to friend: Man, every time I watch tv, I fucking hate life.

–81st St & Columbus Ave

The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: RedShikari

Anything You Say Can and Will Be Used Against Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy to father, watching NYPD officers standing outside on horseback: Shit, yo! The cops is here!

–W 42nd St

Overheard by: Nikki

Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrians: We have sidewalks in New York. Try using them!

–Chinatown

NYC cop to pushy tourist: Don't touch me, I have no answers for you.

–Columbus Circle

Man to cop: When are you gonna learn that, man? People suck!

–Grand Central Station

Cop on horseback to pedestrian horse admirer: Don't get any closer to the horse, unless you want rabies.

–3rd St & Thompson

Overheard by: Heather

“Not a Wednesday Was Stirring, Not Even a One-Liner”

Little girl: Daddy! I'm so excited to see the rats!

–Metro-North Rail

20-something guy to friends: He couldn't drink because he was on antibiotics. He got a rat disease from a lab rat that bit him.

–Lincoln Center

Guy to girlfriend: I step on dead rats all the time!

–Mercer St

Overheard by: Julie

20-something girl on cell: The mouse was fed to the snake the night before, so when I saw it the next morning, I freaked.

–R Train

Cop: We had a guy down here eating a rat. I said, "You're a gentleman in society." He put the rat in his mouth.

–South Ferry Subway