Archive for the ‘Illness’ Category

And Wash It Down With About Half a Liter of My Trainer’s Semen

Jacked gay guy #1: I’m feeling a little sick.
Jacked gay guy #2: Have you been eating enough?
Jacked gay guy #1: Well…I think so?
Jacked gay guy #2: Whenever I feel like I’m getting sick, I eat a lot. I just stuff myself like a pig. That way I’m making sure I get in all my nutrients.
Jacked gay guy #1: Oh, yeah, that’s a really good idea! –Saigon Grill Overheard by: i’ll have what they’re having…

Tell You What. You Can Do It Inside If You Seal Yourself in a Plastic Bag

Catholic school girl #1: This is totally a third person situation right now, but I really think that some people are discriminatory against smokers. I mean, we really shouldn’t have go outside to smoke. What, are you going to ask a girl with Tourette’s to go spaz outside?
Catholic school girl #2: Did you actually just compare smoking to Tourette Syndrome? –Convent of the Sacred Heart Overheard by: Overachiever catholic school girl

Wednesday One-Liners Take Advantage Of Medicare While They Still Can

Blonde on cell: So it was either an ambulance or a taqueria. –Times Square Girl on cell: What? What!? Go to the hospital. Go to the hospital! Please. Why? Because when you get stabbed you go to the hospital, you don’t go and lay down. –Jersey Transit Thug, in a rush: Look, I don’t give a fuck! I just want Medicaid! –13th & 3rd Disgruntled male gynecologist: We’re the bastard stepchildren of the surgery world. General surgeons barely think we’re human. "Oh, don’t get up, it’s just a gynecologist." I could have been a general surgeon, a plastic surgeon, a dentist, a lawyer… I’d be making more money, too. My brother’s cat needed a caesarian section and the vet got paid more than I get paid to do a caesarian section! –Gynecology Office, 32nd & Madison Overheard by: Rose Fox Girl on cell: I told you I was sick and needed to go to the doctor’s! I can’t even swallow! I tried food, water and liquids! –Penn Station Overheard by: Ross Chick in scrubs (lighting cigarette) to friend in scrubs: My heart rate won’t go down! –113th & Amsterdam Overheard by: McFreaky

Thank Goodness I Had This Envelope to Blow My Nose On!

Small Jewish woman on the phone: Hey, so sorry, I'm running late. I'm just leaving my house now. I woke up with a horrible cold…
Post office worker: Miss?
Small Jewish woman on the phone: Oh wait… It's my turn… I'm actually in line at the post office… Oh and when I see you, absolutely no hugs, I am very contagious! –Post Office, London Terrace Overheard by: wish I had a bottle of purel

Go Back to Williamsburg, Wednesday One-Liner!

Hipster guy: He wants to write a book about how hipsters are all about being nihilistic and getting lung cancer from oral sex. –Hop Scotch, Ave A Hipster guy to girl: It’s like, you can’t take my identity. I’m a film director, that’s who I am. It’s like if I was a carpenter, I would make wood. I mean, I would make buildings… You can’t just choose to be a carpenter. –Pepe Rosso’s, Sullivan St Asian hipster chick: You know, when you ask someone what they’re doing and they say clearing their head? I don’t think you can really do that because when you say you’re clearing your head you are really thinking about clearing your head so it isn’t clear after all. –A Train Overheard by: kate Über-hipster chick to another: Bitch! Brunch tomorrow or I’ll fucking smack that headband right off you! –8th & Bedford, Brooklyn Hipster girl: What floor was fluffy on?! What floor was fluffy on?!?!??! –Hookah Bar, East Village Overheard by: Marisa Hipster: It was a mess. I mean, you don’t want anarchists at the socialist barbecue. Haven’t you ever read Kropotkin? –125th St Overheard by: Ali