Suit #1: So if he was so great, why did you break up with him?
Suit #2: He was apparently trying to build a consensus among my friends that he gives great head.
–Evolve Bar, E 58th St
Archive for the ‘Infidelity’ Category
Dear Readers: Ask Yourself Why You Care.
Guy reading Post over someone's shoulder: David Letterman cheated on his wife with that? Dear god, I thought he'd have better taste.
Women reading paper: That is his wife!
–5 Train
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
Is That Why You're Hanging Around Home Depot?
Young, attractive blonde: See, if we didn't get a divorce, you totally would have cheated on me.
Old, unattractive dude: Yeah, yeah. You're right.
–Home Depot
You Always Take His Side, Stacy!
Woman #1: I just don't get why he isn't being spontaneous anymore.
Woman #2: I probably wouldn't want to be “spontaneous” with my girlfriend who just slept with my dad either.
–92nd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Chick who didn't realize she lived in Melrose Place
Wednesday One-Liners Make Your Eyes Water
Young man to another: And I was like, "No, man. A girl ain't supposed to smell like that, yo."
–Broadway & 37th St
Overheard by: glm
Loud Long Island woman to drunk friends: Yeah, I got really used to that smell once he came back from Nepal…
–LIRR
Guy to girl: I don't want to bring home a girl who smells like urine.
–36th & 5th
Hipster 20-something to preteen sister: This does not smell like Costa Rica! (pauses, as though to make sure) 14th Street in New York City does not smell like Costa Rica!
–14th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: David
Man complaining to friend: If she does that one more time… I mean, if that bitch comes home one more time with her breath smelling like some other guy's dick, I swear to fucking god… I'll leave her.
–Times Square
Overheard by: drekdude
Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”
Girl on phone: I'm so sick of this! He keeps making excuses not to see me! I feel like I'm being used! (pause) No, really. (pause) I just can't deal anymore! We only hang out when he wants sex! (pause) And his excuses! Ohmigod! They are getting so lame. (pause) If it's not his work or boss, it's his nanny or his wife or his kid. (pause) I mean… what's his deal?
–Broadway & 20th St
Overheard by: Cali in NYC
Hispanic woman: And meanwhile the husband is in fucking Iraq, and she cheats on him with the UPS guy! What can brown do for you!
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Suit on cell: The love, the dirty sex, and the money… It's all going so well, and yet so sneaky. (hangs up, then dials another number) Mary, I think he's finding out… (pause) It's not my fault I am fucking my best friend's wife.
–79th St & Madison
Overheard by: Anna
Girl yapping on cell: It was amazing. I mean, I looked hot. (pause) Yes, I wore the naked dress. He took one look at me and had the "Uh-oh, can't control myself" expression. (pause) No, girl, his fucking wife is in town! I mean, whatever.
–51st St & Lexington Ave
Woman: He cheated… On JDate!
–26th & 8th
Now What If You're Looking at an Apple Pie?
Man preaching from bible: If you look at a woman that's not your wife and want to have sex with her, that's fornication!
Skater kid: Damn straight!
–Union Square
Still Think Jared Can't Get Any Creepier?
Troubled thug: Yeah, for some reason your mom really wants me to hook up with her… But I dunno…
Envious thug: You should, man, she's really attractive! I mean, I know you already got a girlfriend and whatever, but god put you on earth for such a short time…
Troubled thug: Yeah, I dunno…
Envious thug: God, I wish I had your luck with women.
–Subway Sandwich Shop
Overheard by: Are you talking about his mom, or…?
…That I Have to Go Get a Mean Bone in My Body
Girl #1: So he sent me a message on MySpace that said: “Hey, a few friends and I have a place at the beach, you should bring some of your friends down so we can get you drunk and take advantage of you.” But he said it in such a nice way, you know…
Girls #2: Yeah, I don't think there's like a mean bone in his body, so he can say stuff like that, and it's totally funny.
Girl #3: I wish my boyfriend was that cool, he gets mad at me because every time we have a fight I go out and get drunk with my friends. He thinks I'm going to get completely wasted and sleep with some random guy or something. It's so annoying.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Duran
Like the Four Hundred Before Me Did
20-something woman #1: I can't believe you slept with him, you know his girlfriend!
20-something woman #2: I don't really know his girlfriend, I met her once. And we're friends on MySpace. But she has 800 friends, so any of them could have fucked him.
–Bryant Park