Archive for the ‘Infidelity’ Category

Still Think Jared Can't Get Any Creepier?

Troubled thug: Yeah, for some reason your mom really wants me to hook up with her… But I dunno…
Envious thug: You should, man, she's really attractive! I mean, I know you already got a girlfriend and whatever, but god put you on earth for such a short time…
Troubled thug: Yeah, I dunno…
Envious thug: God, I wish I had your luck with women.

–Subway Sandwich Shop

Overheard by: Are you talking about his mom, or…?

…That I Have to Go Get a Mean Bone in My Body

Girl #1: So he sent me a message on MySpace that said: “Hey, a few friends and I have a place at the beach, you should bring some of your friends down so we can get you drunk and take advantage of you.” But he said it in such a nice way, you know…
Girls #2: Yeah, I don't think there's like a mean bone in his body, so he can say stuff like that, and it's totally funny.
Girl #3: I wish my boyfriend was that cool, he gets mad at me because every time we have a fight I go out and get drunk with my friends. He thinks I'm going to get completely wasted and sleep with some random guy or something. It's so annoying.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Duran

Wednesday One-Liners, with Tongue.

College girl to friend, disappointed: You know? I only made out with one of them…

–NYU Dorm

(hobo shakes can with change and interrupts couple in heated makeout session)
Bitchy girlfriend, shrieking
: Seriously? Seriously? Are you seriously asking me now? We're in the middle of making out. Seriously?


–Ave B & 7th St

Overheard by: friend of the mole people

Guido to another: When you're makin' out, the next thing you know, you could be bangin'.

–Staten Island

Girl to guy friend: Once you get married, we are never going to be able to make out anymore.

–Houston & Mulberry

Man to friend: It's like that time I saw two women on walkers making out. I love New York!

–45th & 10th

Overheard by: Drunk

Who Wears the Pants in Your Wednesday One-Liners?

Older man: If you drank a thousand gallons of beer, and then took off your pants…

–79th & West End

Girl to guy with beavers on pants: Excuse me, are those beavers on your pants?

–6 Train

20-something preppy girl on cell: Whenever I'm cheating on my boyfriend, I take off my pants and pretend to be an albino bunny.

–Central Park

Overheard by: that one girl

Guy on cell: If I don't get in her pants tonight, I'm gonna fuck you up!

–1st Ave

Aging drag queen to friend: It's much better than sick obsessions with blond males between the ages of 18 and 25 who always take their pants off to play GameCube.

–The Village

Overheard by: Amused NYU Tischie

Figures Don't Lie

Girl: How long since we broke up is it okay for my ex to start having sex?
Guy: Who broke up with who?
Girl: I broke up with him last week. He slept with four girls since.
Guy: I think if you broke up with him, it's okay for him.
Girl: Damn, cause I only slept with one guy since. But I did cheat on him with three guys, so we're even.

–21st St

Overheard by: learning something new everyday

No Wednesday One-Liner in the Champagne Room

Loud woman on cell: And then he had the nerve to ask me if it was cause he's black! I was like, "it's not cause you're black, it's cause you slept with that stripper!"

–Starbucks

Midwestern grandmother, seeing granddaughter play on subway: She's working on her pole dancing, just like her mother.

–E Train

Young Asian guy, telling stripper what he does for a living: Do you even know what a hedge fund is?

–Strip Club, Queens

Thug to girlfriend, pointing at totem pole in museum: You know what those be? Fancy stripper poles! (makes techno music noise with his mouth)

–Museum of Natural History

Blonde chick on cell: Oh my god, Mike, just fuck her and get over yourself, I really don't care! (hangs up, to friend) I don't understand why my boyfriend keeps calling me asking me if it would break my heart if he slept with the stripper we met at the bar on Saturday.

–NYU

Overheard by: i wish i had me a girl like that

Serious, tired, cute guy on cell: So you remember the stripper that has been hassling me? Well, I went out with her and her girlfriend on Tuesday, and stuff got out of hand… really out of hand–like Budapest out of hand! (pause) I don't know, but I woke up in fucking New York City!

–Penn Station