Archive for the ‘Innuendo’ Category

Ten Bucks Says He’s Making Water Balloons

Hipster passing large, bald man blocking doorway: Excuse me.
Large, bald man: What are you in a hurry for?
(hipster points to condoms and goes to the counter to pay for them)
Large, bald man: You’re totally on a condom run!
(hipster smiles and glances back to the man)
Large, bald man: Did you pull out of that shit?
Hipster: Nope, just having marathon sex.
Large, bald man: I’d high-five you, but I know where those hands have been.
(hipster leaves, laughing) –Deli, 7th Ave & Christopher St Overheard by: a

Kathy Griffin Makes Fun Of Wednesday One-Liners

White queer to friend: So I was sitting there at the restaurant with my parents and looked to my left, and who was there? LL Cool J! Ooooh, girl, he is fine. I was all: "Hey, LL, you can park your big Underground Railroad right in my behind!" –UES Hipster: You can’t really enjoy Evel Knievel in the traditional sense. –St. Mark’s Place Nine-year old boy to another: Ooh, Indiana Jones! Look, Shia LaBeouf! I used to go out with him. –St. Mark’s Place Overheard by: learned something new about Shia LeBeouf Proud teen: I had my picture taken with Dennis Rodman’s sister. –Houston & West Broadway Worried hipster: And I think Judge Judy would just say that I don’t have a leg to stand on. –W 19th St Bus driver: I know what it’s like to miss a flight. You have to ride a Greyhound bus and sit next to a fat guy who eats Cheez-Its and talks about Scott Baio way too much. –NYAS Shuttle, JFK Overheard by: innocent bus rider

Wednesday Pun-Liners

Global teacher, about review packet: You must look at my package in order to see what’s there! –History Class, Bronx HS of Science Overheard by: Lillian Woman in business suit on cell: Yeah, work is crazy right now because I have a big release coming out next week. (pauses) That’s what he said. –26th & Park Overheard by: absnola Lady in the audience: Which one is Patti LuPone? –St. James Theater Dorky older guy to female bank teller (smiling): I’ve got a really big deposit for you.
(teller looks down and starts laughing) –Chase Bank, 24th & 7th Overheard by: Joe Timid Asian deli boy to deli owner: Excuse me, I don’t know how to do number two. –Deli, Union Square Black waiter to Asian female customer: Enjoy your black balls. –Ninja, Hudson St

Her Bitching Used to Get Me Hard, Too

Man #1: She bitched at me this morning because we haven’t had sex in over a week.
Man #2: They don’t understand that we can’t turn it on anytime they want it.
Man #1: Face it. We have to get gassed up, start the ignition and drive. All they have to do is open the garage door. –113th & Broadway Overheard by: John Strybos

Wednesday One-Liners Toot Their Own Horns

Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls! –Prospect Heights Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor. –1 Train Overheard by: Rose Fox Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it. –Battery Park Starbucks 30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin. –14th St & 1st Ave Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder. –Chinatown Bus Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen. –Upper East Side