Archive for the ‘Innuendo’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Get the Freudian Slip

Announcer before start of women’s race: Women, please be careful of men trying to go in from behind.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Omar

Man: Wow, this is the most nuts I’ve ever had in my mouth at one time!

–Chocolate shop, Jane St & 8th Ave

Chick pointing at T-Rex: Oh my god, it’s so big! Don’t you wanna just ride it?

–Museum of Natural History

Conductor: Sorry, folks. Looks like I’m having some trouble in my rear.

–C train

Overheard by: mosteen.

MTA employee: Don’t just stick it in… No, you have to ease it in and glide it through.

–A/C/E subway entrance, 44th St

Overheard by: Patrick

Mom to hubby holding sunscreen: Honey, did you lube up the kids?

–Central Park, near 96th St tennis courts

Lady to lesbian coworker: I wish somebody would warm up my muffin.

–1250 Broadway

Tales from Wednesday One-Liners’ Crypt

Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?

–C train

Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.

–Live Bait, 23rd St

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.

–55th & 6th

Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland

Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!

–6 train making express stops on a surprise basis

Overheard by: Barry Negrin

Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!

–L train

Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton

Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department.

–58th & Broadway

Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.

–Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Parapraxic Wednesday One-Liners

Guy: I had to swallow… The whole thing!

–9th Ave & 44th St

Big guy: Did I tell you? The other weekend I caught Jack’s sausage!

–Duane Reed, Jackson Heights
Queens


Overheard by: Mrs. LeClair

Girl, on firefighters packing equipment: Man, there’s a lot of hose out there!

–Hanover Square

Customer: If I’m going to pay 20 dollars for a piece of meat, the least they can do is give me something to wipe my face with.

–45th & Madison

Overheard by: madnyc

One mother to another, both pushing strollers: He just won’t suck on anything else!

–5th Ave between 8th & 9th St
Park Slope


Overheard by: Wankrupt

Dad instructing child: You kind of have to use your tongue to lap it up into your mouth.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: vm

Twelve-year-old girl on phone: There’s really a lake called Titty CaCa!

–8th Ave &16th St