Archive for the ‘Innuendo’ Category

Tales from Wednesday One-Liners’ Crypt

Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire? –C train Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do. –Live Bait, 23rd St Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you. –55th & 6th Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician! –6 train making express stops on a surprise basis Overheard by: Barry Negrin Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico! –L train Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department. –58th & Broadway Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons. –Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Adam Nathan

He’s Hung Like a Pigeon

Guy: Yeah, that’s the first thing I learned when I moved here: don’t eat street meat, it’s probably pigeon or something.
Girl #1: Yeah, I wish I could get my husband to stop eating it.
Girl #2: I don’t care what kind of meat it is as long as it’s in my mouth.
Girl #1: That’s my sister; she’s looking for a hook-up.
Girl #2: No, I’m not!
Guy: I’m married. –Irving Plaza, Irving Place Overheard by: Johnny Tremain