(cricket chirps)
Angry-looking woman #1: Yo, I think that cricket said somethin'
(cricket chirps)
Angry-looking woman #2: Hold on, I think that bitch is sayin' some shit!
Angry-looking woman #1, looking for cricket: You wanna start somethin? Nobody be talking shit about me.
Angry-looking woman #2: Let's fuck this bitch up.
–Roosevelt Island
Archive for the ‘Insects’ Category
As Punishment, I Had to Watch The Secret Life Of Bees
Girl to friend: When I was in 4th grade my teacher made me take the butterflies home to let them grow. What happened? They fucking died! I came back to school and looked like an idiot because I was the only black girl in my class. Leave it to the damn black girl to kill the butterflies and ruin it for the whole class!
–52nd St
…On Her Lady Parts
Jersey woman #1: I wanna see that movie this weekend, I'm gonna go watch it at the theater.
Jersey woman #2: You gonna get those ladybugs all over you.
Jersey woman #1: Ladybugs?
Jersey woman #3: She means “bed bugs.”
–42nd St & Lexington
Your Editors Will Be Drinking Gin and Tonics 'til This Is Settled
Teen girl to friend: My mosquito bites hurt so much!
Friend: Mine too! I think I have malaria!
Teen girl: You don't have malaria.
–Grand Central
The Beatles Movie That Was Too Bizarre, Even for British Audiences.
Daughter to mom: We can save on a hotel room if Steve* and I sleep in the same bed.
Mom: You're not sleeping in the same bed as your brother! That's insect!
Steve: It's okay, we have spray.
–C Train
Overheard by: Sean
Wednesday One-Liner Ink
Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Lyssa
Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t-shirt instead of on my chest and back.
–Prince & Lafayette
Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?
–D Train
Overheard by: 4-dumb
Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy's new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jas
So Honey S'mores Would Be, Like, the Holocaust
Vegan on elevator to friend: Honey… that's not vegan.
Friend: It's not? But it don't kill no bees?
Vegan: But it comes from an animal, remember: anything that has a mommy. Honey is kind of gross anyway, it's bee spit.
Friend: Damn! That's some tasty-ass spit, though, isn't it? I would tongue a bee. In a heartbeat!
Vegan, ignoring last phrase: What else? Marshmallows, they have horse bones in them…
–31st St
Your Editors Are Still Trying to Determine If That's a Good or a Bad Thing
Girl #1: Tell me how you bagged him 'cause I need to bag someone for myself!
Girl #2: All I said was, “you're fly, I'm fly, we could be fly together!”
Girl #1: Dead ass?
Girl #2: Dead ass!
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Puzzled Psychology Major
There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Hair! Get It Out! Get It Out!
Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas.
–23rd & 3rd
Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level!
–Midtown Office
Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen.
–C Train
Overheard by: Emily B.
Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas!
–74th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband
Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ashley
What's a Nice Wednesday Like You Doing in a One-Liner Like This?
Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There's no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Creeped out.
Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Katie
Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me "The Vagina Whisperer."
–Moe's Bar. Brooklyn
Guy hitting on four younger girls: I'll take you home and we can do something weird… I'll pour honey all over you. Then I'll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I'll pour butter all over you, and I'll make toast, and I'll wipe the butter off your back with it!
–1 Train
Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You're beautiful! Look at me! You don't want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I'm Tony Baloney.
–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn