Archive for the ‘Insects’ Category

Wednesday One-Liner Ink

Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart. –Bleecker St Overheard by: Lyssa Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t-shirt instead of on my chest and back. –Prince & Lafayette Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo? –D Train Overheard by: 4-dumb Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy's new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither. –Times Square Overheard by: Jas

Wednesday One-Liners from Joe’s Apartment

Man: Would you rather have a hat made of spiders or penises for fingers? –93rd & 2nd Overheard by: Steve Woman on cell: She told me she felt like a pecan pie covered in roaches. Isn’t that weird? So I told her, ‘Honey, it’s time to call the exterminator.’ –Smith & Warren St, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn Hobo: You’re nothing but a flea on a tick’s ass! –18th & Park Hippie: So, I’m standing there naked and this roach is sizing up my junk… –Shuttle Overheard by: Capitalist Pig Chick on cell: … Well, if you didn’t throw spiders at him… –15th & 7th Cube dweller: I think spiders would like my head — so much empty space to crawl around in. –Butterick Building, NYU School of Law Overheard by: missing in action

I Wanna Dip My Wednesday One-Liners in It!

Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off. –St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital Overheard by: Kate Melvin Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all. –7 train Overheard by: bronwyn Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole! –8th Ave Overheard by: finds it comforting Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!" –E 85th St & 3rd Ave Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls. –Broadway & W 4th Overheard by: Jake R Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls. –6th Ave & Bleecker

You Sure It Wasn’t a Roach?

Girl #1: Dreadlocks are so dirty. How do you wash them?
Girl #2: My friend told me about this guy she knew whose dreads were so dirty that one day he found a scorpion in them.
Girl #3: Are you sure it wasn’t just lice?
Girl #2: No, it was a scorpion.
Girl #4: Well, wait, where was he from?
Girls #1, #3, and #4, together: Jamaica? –41st & Madison Overheard by: Scorpions are creepy

Shall We Consult Our Biology Textbooks?

Guy, looking at historic buildings: This is the kind of thing they should have taught us in school.
Girl: Yeah, there's a lot of things that schools didn't teach us.
Guy: I think a bug just flew into my nose.
Girl: What?
Guy: It's squirming around in there. It's really uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about it. –Governor's Island Overheard by: Kevin

Let’s Hop on a Bus, Wednesday One-liners

Man on cell: Yo Hamster! Oh, hey Tomato, whats goin’ on? –Bx12 bus Overheard by: Courtney C Girl on cell: I swear it had to be 8 or 9 inches long…yeah I know, I was shocked. It was the biggest damned cockroach I have ever seen…yes, a roach, what did you think I was talking about? –Bx9 bus Overheard by: ogie Bus driver: Next stop 3rd Avenue. We’ll be arriving in a week to 10 days…Anyone want to get off here? That’ll be $50. Send me a check. –M14D bus Overheard by: Sherri