Archive for the ‘Insects’ Category

What's a Nice Wednesday Like You Doing in a One-Liner Like This?

Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There's no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Creeped out.

Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Katie

Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me "The Vagina Whisperer."

–Moe's Bar. Brooklyn

Guy hitting on four younger girls: I'll take you home and we can do something weird… I'll pour honey all over you. Then I'll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I'll pour butter all over you, and I'll make toast, and I'll wipe the butter off your back with it!

–1 Train

Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You're beautiful! Look at me! You don't want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I'm Tony Baloney.

–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn

Like Riding the Subway, Eating Pizza's Better If You Never Make Eye Contact

Girl #1: Ohmigod! I just saw a cockroach.
Girl #2: Ew! Goddammit, I don't want to have to leave, this pizza is really good!
Girl #1: The roach had wings, so that means it came in from outside and this place isn't necessarily roach-infested.
Girl #2: But it could be.
Girl #1: For the purposes of us enjoying this awesome pizza, it isn't.
Girl #2, as girl #1 continues eating her pizza: And that is what psychologists call “rationalization”.

–Pizza Place, 31st St

Overheard by: An A+ in psychology, an F in life

Sometimes, Wednesday Uses One-Liners As a Crutch

Man in shorts on cell: Well, I think what happened is he lost his pinky because of the forklift. But that's not the point of this conversation, let's talk about me here.

–186th St & Bennet Ave

Overheard by: Rina

Girl: And she's so awkward on crutches, it's so annoying!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: MR T

Guy on cell: So he tried to kill a roach and broke his knee, and that's why he's on crutches for the rest of summer.

–Union Square

Mother to young son: Sweetie, don't trip and bust your head open. I don't have no duct tape to put it back together.

–Laundromat, 48th St & 10th Ave

Blueberry salesman, as woman in crutches hobbles past: You hoppin', but you ain't stoppin'!

–Greenmarket

Are You Tearing Up, Dude?

Student #1: I was on my way to work one morning, and I saw a live cockroach scurrying across the sidewalk in broad daylight.
Student #2: I thought that they don't like the light? I've only seen them at night and in subways.
Student #1: This was like a badass little rebel cockroach. I bet he got sick of being a slave to the darkness and dared to go where no cockroach has ever gone before. And all his cockroach friends were like “Don't do it, Jerry, no one's ever come back!” but they just couldn't hold him back.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Overheard by: Fordham Student

Wednesday One-Liners Were Pretty Hot, Back in the Day

20-something man walking into restaurant: I'd never bring my grandmother here for a date!

–27th & Lexington

Teen: That shit was sick! That shit was sick! I wanna go home and slap my grandmother!

–94th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Slapped her how?

Ghetto dude in fight with girlfriend: Your grandmother is a bitch!

–Murray St & Church St

Guy to friend: My grandma used to chase us around with fly swatters…

–Houston & Allen

Shall We Consult Our Biology Textbooks?

Guy, looking at historic buildings: This is the kind of thing they should have taught us in school.
Girl: Yeah, there's a lot of things that schools didn't teach us.
Guy: I think a bug just flew into my nose.
Girl: What?
Guy: It's squirming around in there. It's really uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about it.

–Governor's Island

Overheard by: Kevin