Archive for the ‘Insects’ Category

Like Riding the Subway, Eating Pizza's Better If You Never Make Eye Contact

Girl #1: Ohmigod! I just saw a cockroach.
Girl #2: Ew! Goddammit, I don't want to have to leave, this pizza is really good!
Girl #1: The roach had wings, so that means it came in from outside and this place isn't necessarily roach-infested.
Girl #2: But it could be.
Girl #1: For the purposes of us enjoying this awesome pizza, it isn't.
Girl #2, as girl #1 continues eating her pizza: And that is what psychologists call “rationalization”. –Pizza Place, 31st St Overheard by: An A+ in psychology, an F in life

An Infestation of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on phone: I am being nice, but I'm not going to describe to you in great detail what a bug looks like! –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: R&L Man in zoot suit: When I talk, I don't want you bitches saying nothing! I only wanna hear the cockroaches fornicating on the walls! –F Train Overheard by: Reagan Hipster: It was like watching a praying mantis have a seizure. –16th & 8th Wasted girl on sidewalk: No, I am so upset, I am so upset, I lost the back of my phone and there is a bug, a bug! –11th & Broadway Old lady: She looks pretty much like a roach. –Central Park Overheard by: Adam Nathan

There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Hair! Get It Out! Get It Out!

Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas. –23rd & 3rd Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level! –Midtown Office Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen. –C Train Overheard by: Emily B. Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas! –74th St & Broadway Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet? –Brooklyn Overheard by: Ashley

Wednesday One-Liners Have 23 Intelligence, but 6 Charisma

Fat college guy on cell: I only read books with robot insects on the cover. If it doesn’t have robot insects, I slap a sticker on. Pride and Prejudice? Robot insects on the cover makes it better. –Metro-North Overheard by: Ferry Guy to friend: Look, the root of the problem is that you have a shrine dedicated to semi-colons in your closest! I don’t care if they’re the god of all punctuation marks, that’s just weird! –Stuyvesant High School Metrosexual: I’m fairly certain that I’ve read every single fantasy series that has dragons in it. –Stuyvesant Town Overheard by: Karin Ghetto chick: Nah, all I’m sayin’s is that even if you look like Steve Urkel, as long as you got the brain of Steve Urkel, you good with me. –Jamaica-bound F train Overheard by: Floyd Leader of pack of teen boys dressed up like Star Trek characters: I didn’t say it was a good planet… –Tuxedo Renaissance Festival Overheard by: Murray