Archive for the ‘Instruments’ Category

There Are No Small Wednesdays– Only Small One-Liners.

Girl on cell, defiantly: Listen, I can keep my midget in your closet whenever I damn please! –72nd & Columbus Man handing out cards to random passers-by: They have midget strippers, buddy, and you can bring your guitar! –42nd & 7th Overheard by: Katy Guy, to friend: You can't call yourself a grown man if you sit down and your feet dangle off the chair. –Victoria's Secret Overheard by: Emm Black guy pushing cart: Man, I miss my two-headed midget friend… He was my best man. –Union Square Woman on cell: Have I been an angry little munchkin? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: TheMac

Are You Reading Off… an Index Card?

Dude: Hey, good to see you, what’s new?
Goth tranny: Oh, not much. In a new band, we’re looking for a bassist, we have a show on Saturday, my apartment sucks, Joe quit, been trying to lose weight, I need a haircut, it’s my birthday next week, and I’ve been playing World of Warcraft. What about you? –Halloween Adventure, 11th & 4th Ave Overheard by: Kate Melvin

“This One Time, at Wednesday One-Liner Camp…”

Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist. –Outside Fairway, 72nd St Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious! –Spiegelworld Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese! –Pratt Institute Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!" –Pathmark Overheard by: Another band geek 30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin! –Port Authority Bus Terminal Overheard by: KTizzle

Wednesday One-Liners Have Wood.

Teenage boy: You know, if you think about it, violins are basically just giant condoms. –Bard High School, Queens Overheard by: Sunny Older man on cell walking two giant dogs: She has a great body… When she sits, it's like a German violinist. –Thompson Square Park Mother to young daughter: Even if she was tired and cranky, she still shouldn't have hit you on the shoulder with a violin. –Ave A & 6th St Woman on cell: Let's go see the one about the transsexual violinists. (pause, yelling louder) Violinists! The transsexual violin players. Violin! (pause) You didn't say "violin"? Just transsexuals? (pause) Did you say "violence"? (pause) No? (pause) I'm not hungover! –J Train

Is Christopher Walken a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy in white shirt and tie: So what, so what if the aliens landed in Brooklyn? And they start shooting their guns, their laser guns on the corner, in the candy store? What then? Do we just let them in the shelter? –John Jay College of Criminal Justice Crazy guy: I am an alien from outer space! I have crash landed on your planet! This is our language! (saxophone solo) –C Train Overheard by: Emily B. Conductor: We will be stopped at the next station for ten minutes. You are not allowed to exit the train, so that means no smoke breaks or bathroom trips. If you do get off of the train you will be abducted by aliens and never heard from again. –Amtrak Train, Penn station Overheard by: Madge Hobo to teen girls: Can you spare some change for a space man? I wanna get drunk later. –94th St & Broadway

I Think I Saw This Short at the Cannes Film Festival

Blue collar guy to random guy holding a musical instrument: I wish I had a harpsichord. I'd put on an old fashioned movie and play it in the dark. You wouldn't even need a drink!
Musical guy: A drink wouldn't hurt.
Blue collar guy: No, it wouldn't. (takes a bottle of rum out of his pocket and takes a swig) –N Train Overheard by: Pretending to listen to her music