Man with bottle of booze in paper bag: Is that a machine gun or a bomb?
Boy with guitar: No, I'm just carrying my guitar.
–Train to Penn Station
Overheard by: Marcy
Archive for the ‘Instruments’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Need to Leave Eden Eventually
Angry Spanish boyfriend: You know why I'm talking to you like this! Because your boss was sitting there and you probably had no damn clothes on!
–Broad Channel Subway Station
Girl to friend: Yeah, I can't wait until we take off our clothes and do our make up!
–116th & 3rd
(20-something couple is walking down the street with arms around each other)
Woman: So were you self-conscious when you took off your clothes in front of the children?
–28th & 5th
White guy answering cell: Negrooooo… I'm on the Long Island Railroad being completely homosexual… You missed it, completely naked…
–LIRR
Overheard by: Xavier
Five-year-old girl, before performance begins: Are they going to take *all* their clothes off?
–Hair, Delacorte Theater
Girl to friend: God! I remember when my brother ran into my room naked screaming that he had two buttholes.
–Subway, 14th & 1st
Overweight middle age white guy to friend: I know, I get it, you like to sit naked in the mud while some guy serenades you on his guitar singing about things I don't believe and can't understand. That's your thing. I prefer hockey.
–89th & 4th, Brooklyn
Two Girls, One Stradivarius Probably Isn’t Appropriate, Then
Woman: Do you have any books on violins?
Sales guy: Well, we don’t have a lot about playing them, but we have some about the sensuality of it.
Woman: It’s for a child.
Sales guy: Oh.
–Borders, 57th & Park Ave
Wednesday One-Liners Toot Their Own Horns
Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!
–Prospect Heights
Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.
–Battery Park Starbucks
30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.
–Chinatown Bus
Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.
–Upper East Side
Ah, Thanksgiving with Family
20-ish guy: Maybe I’ll get another drumstick this time.
Friend: Or another fuck you.
–Brand New Concert, Blender Theatre, Gramercy
Are You Reading Off… an Index Card?
Dude: Hey, good to see you, what’s new?
Goth tranny: Oh, not much. In a new band, we’re looking for a bassist, we have a show on Saturday, my apartment sucks, Joe quit, been trying to lose weight, I need a haircut, it’s my birthday next week, and I’ve been playing World of Warcraft. What about you?
–Halloween Adventure, 11th & 4th Ave
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
That Makes You the Friendly Dwarf
Hipster girl: The friendly giant plays the clarinet. Can you play the clarinet?
Tall hipster guy: No, but I can play the recorder.
–2nd Ave, between 2nd & 3rd St
Overheard by: Grace
Mr. Holland’s Wednesday One-Liners
Queer black guy to white fag hag: My skin used to be much lighter, but then I joined the marching band.
–N train
Overheard by: Ashley
Loud woman: So, this guy kept trying to borrow the guitar, and I thought, Who is this guy? He was so strung out he could only play one chord, but Zach was like, ‘Hey, you’ve heard of the Rolling Stones?’ And I said yes, and he said, ‘Well, that was one of the Rolling Stones.’ It was Keith Richards!
–Hungarian Pastry Shop, 111th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: embly
Suit: Think of it as intercourse, not playing the guitar.
–45th & 8th
Overheard by: chica_boom
Girl, about musical she just saw: This will sound really weird, but different instruments made me have to pee more. I was like, ‘Damn you, saxophone!’
–Starbucks
Crazy ‘Nam vet to pack of musician passersby: Musical instruments are the tools of professional rapists!
–Williamsburg Bridge
Overheard by: bort
The Oompah Band Just Pays the Bills
Stoner guy: And when I play improvisational tuba, man, it’s like my soul comes alive.
Stoner girl: Dude, that’s such a good idea.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Chelsea
She Bangs the Drummer Slowly
Woman: I said, ‘You know — percussion,’ and she said, ‘What’s that? Like, horns?’
Man: Wow. And she’s the assistant for Stewart Copeland?
–Elevator, Union Square
Overheard by: MissPinkKate