Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category

Tour De Wednesday One-Liners

Large female southern tourist: It'd be really funny if we got stuck on the toilet and couldn't get up. It'd be the whole "help! Get me off this toilet!" thing.

–Bathroom, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Tourist woman to husband: Where's that cop who was here a minute ago? He gave me the wrong directions, and I wanna cuss him out for it!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Deeds

Tourist: Is this the building where people go all crazy about the numbers?

–Outside New York Stock Exchange

Overheard by: Kyle

50-something tourist husband to wife, while they share bites of same apple: I don't know why we came to this city… We can't even afford breakfast.

–34th & 7th

Wednesday One-Liners Lick Themselves with Noisy Enthusiasm

Man walking dog: Yo, take a shit right here.

–Houston & Mangin

Overheard by: How about a little to the left?

Woman to her gang-banging pug dog: Everyone can have love together!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: riana

Man to Yorkie, tugging at leash outside porn shop: You don’t want to go in there. Nothing you could use in there… Hmmm, except maybe the rubber goods.

–28th & 8th

Overheard by: Chuckell

Upset man to black lab walking sheepishly beside him: They didn’t want you in there because you’re black, and they should have the guts to say so! We should go back to that fucking place and burn it down! [Pats pooch on head.] Good girl. You’re a good girl. [They start walking away again, and man mutters to himself] Motherfuckers.

–W 4th St

Tonight on Sexual Tension Theater

Chick #1: I’m telling you, he’s gay! He wouldn’t even make out with me when I, like, threw myself at him!
Chick #2: You needed to see yourself, though. You looked like a mess.
Chick #1: Fuck you, cunt.
Chick #2: I love you.
Chick #1: I tell ya, if anyone ever hung around us they’d commit us both!
Chick #2: Or just you.
Chick #1: I don’t want to be friends anymore.

–Houston & 2nd Ave

Yet They’ll Still Blame the Media

Chick #1: Like I lost 18 pounds, does it show?
Chick #2: Yeah! How did you do it?
Chick #1: I stop eating at 4 every day.
Chick #2: Wow, is that healthy?
Chick #1: I dunno, it works. It started when my trainer said,
Bitch, you’re fat. Face it, your BMI is too high.” –Port Authority ladies’ room Overheard by: Bibi B Woman: So I asked him, “How come I make 3 million dollars a year and you still don’t want me?” And he said, “Because you are a fat fucking cow!” –Astor Place Overheard by: bogica