Lowlife: I hate shopping.
Yuppie: You have to love it, because we really need to avoid this look.
–W. 8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category
Getting Served Left and Right
Teen subway dancer: Why you opening your mouth? No one’s talking to you.
Kid subway dancer: That’s why I got a mouth. So I can talk.
Teen subway dancer: I don’t like nosey niggers.
Kid subway dancer: At least I don’t sleep outside!
–D Train
Just One Block From Park Ave…
A bike messenger almost plows through the crowd at a crosswalk.
Messenger: You gotta look! You gotta look!
Black Woman: Nigger, you look! You ain’t drivin’ no car!
–44th & Madison
The Almost Naked Cowboy
A guido is wearing a black jumpsuit and hat when a middle aged woman approaches him.
Woman: Hey…cowboy hat, eh?
Guido: (tips hat) You got that right.
Woman: And is that…velour too, huh?
Guido: You bet. Only the finest.
Woman: Don’t even tell me. You wearing a g-string under that?
Guido: Actually, how did you know?
–MSG
Overheard by: Jay G
The Ramblings of the Elderly
An old woman is drumming up contributions for the SPCA.
Young Man: Good luck!
Old Woman: We don’t need luck, we need cooperation. Does Bush say good luck to the soldiers? No, he just sends in more troops! Come on! Don’t be a phony.
–Kinko’s, 20th St. and 6th Ave.
Overheard by: Lucian Piane
Then Why Am I Laughing?
Club Promoter: Do you guys like comedy shows?
Chicks: No!
Club Promoter: That wasn’t funny.
–34th & 7th
This One’s Just Weird
Woman Passenger: How do we get Bowery Street?
Passerby: Fuck you, you fucking clit, I love you!
–Bowery
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
That’s Not Saying Much
Hipster: Jesus! This place is worse than Austin seven years ago! –Bedford St. Station, Williamsburg Overheard by: K.
Has “Fruit” Been Reclaimed Yet?
Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Rehey
(Actually, Turtles Don’t Age)
Chick #1: So did you call him?
Chick #2: Nah.
Chick #1: Why not?
Chick #2: He literally looks like an old turtle.
–D Train