Archive for the ‘Intelligentsia’ Category

Reader Poll: How Long before They Become a Couple?

Guy #1: … And ‘K’ on a triple-letter score makes 45.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: What’s that? ‘Upchuck’? That’s not a word!
Guy #1: I’m afraid it is, dear.
Chick #2: Yup.
Guy #1: Go to dictionary dot com — look it up.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: And what does this word mean?
Guy #2: Well, upchuck is what you would do if you saw smegma.
Guy #1: Last time she saw smegma I got 42 points!
Chick #2, on computer: I just looked up ‘upchuck.’ It means ‘vomit.’
Guy #2: Smegma, upchuck… Mike, I’m noticing a pattern in your choice of words.
Guy #1: I just try to think of words that will get Tina really upset.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: Well, thank you very much. Are you proud that you’re a disgusting pig?
Guy #1: I would say I’m at peace with myself.

Another Scrabble party, 34th & 2nd

Overheard by: Big Larry

I Call It ‘Ramnesia’

Intellectual #1: So, what’s the problem?
Intellectual #2: She gets all pouty when she doesn’t get what she wants.
Intellectual #1: Ugh, that’s the worst. I hate that.
Intellectual #2: Well, pouty doesn’t really bother me so much as long as you can fuck it out of them, you know? I just don’t think I can be with a chick if I can’t fuck her and make her forget whatever it is she’s upset with me about.

–Bar 89, Mercer St

Overheard by: Fox

Wednesday On-Liners

Chick on cell: Why did you tell dad about that?…Well, he was going to find out sooner or later when he saw me on the website.

–Union Square Female midget: Yeah, they’re installing the internet in my new apartment and apparently they need a computer.

–Elevator, ABC building, 66th St

Overheard by: Mojosaves World traveler: Really, you can get anything on the streets of Bangkok. Thai prostitutes, smoothies, passport pictures…It’s like Craigslist.

–20th & 8th

Overheard by: laughing out loud Catholic school girl on cell: Danny, it’s me. I have some bad news. We’re on a break. Call me back when you get this message….[Hangs up and redials] Maria! What am I going to do about my MySpace?! –4th Ave Overheard by: Joe Blonde on cell: Seriously, I love you, but…Seriously…Seriously, you’re an asshole. You’re a dick! Why didn’t you just tell me the fucking truth!…Well, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I posted those pictures on MySpace, but…Well, be a fucking man about it and tell me the fucking truth then!…Seriously, I love you. –23rd & 8th Overheard by: wild dog boy Loud guy on cell: So how do I get this done? Do I go on the internet or something?… I want to be able to print my own bounty hunter license immediately. –11th & 6th Suit: When I was working for my old company, all we would do is download porn. –Grand & Varick

They’re Not Going to Be One-Upped on the Surrealism

Guy #1: You know that Anton Webern’s Quartet for the End of Time was performed in a concentration camp? Crazy.
Guy #2: Yeah. He died real weird. I forget how. I think the Nazis shot him.
Total stranger: Actually he was shot by Allied soldiers. He was breaking curfew smoking a cigarette, and they mistook him for his brother-in-law, who was an alleged Nazi spy.
Guy #1: Oh, I see. Thanks.
Total stranger: Any other questions? I just ride this train all day waiting to answer questions on twentieth-century music composition. The next car has an expert on Chekhov, and the conductor studies philosophy.
Guy #1: So anyway, Slavic girls are pretty hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, for real.

–7 train