Archive for the ‘Intelligentsia’ Category

I Call It ‘Ramnesia’

Intellectual #1: So, what’s the problem?
Intellectual #2: She gets all pouty when she doesn’t get what she wants.
Intellectual #1: Ugh, that’s the worst. I hate that.
Intellectual #2: Well, pouty doesn’t really bother me so much as long as you can fuck it out of them, you know? I just don’t think I can be with a chick if I can’t fuck her and make her forget whatever it is she’s upset with me about. –Bar 89, Mercer St Overheard by: Fox

They’re Not Going to Be One-Upped on the Surrealism

Guy #1: You know that Anton Webern’s Quartet for the End of Time was performed in a concentration camp? Crazy.
Guy #2: Yeah. He died real weird. I forget how. I think the Nazis shot him.
Total stranger: Actually he was shot by Allied soldiers. He was breaking curfew smoking a cigarette, and they mistook him for his brother-in-law, who was an alleged Nazi spy.
Guy #1: Oh, I see. Thanks.
Total stranger: Any other questions? I just ride this train all day waiting to answer questions on twentieth-century music composition. The next car has an expert on Chekhov, and the conductor studies philosophy.
Guy #1: So anyway, Slavic girls are pretty hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, for real. –7 train

And Can You Tuck? Says Here ‘Girl Gets a Free Balloon.’

Dad: How old are you?
Teen boy: Thirteen.
Dad: How old are you?
Mom: You know he’s thirteen.
Dad: It says here that if you’re eleven or younger, you get in free… How old are you?
Teen: Oh. Eleven. –Roxy Deli Overheard by: Kelsey
Headline by: Tom Dorey
· “And Don’t Forget, Your Mom’s Your Grandma And She Got That Black Eye Playing Bingo” – Kate
· “And it’s cheaper than regression therapy” – Kim
· “But He is 19 on Myspace” – DanC
· “Good Answer. Now Give Me $10 For Your Mother And Me.” – Hobo Whisperer
· “Good…now go shave your balls.” – Colin
· “If Your Mom Hadn’t Lied About her Age, You WOuldn’t Be Here Now” – Jason
· “Sorry, Not Applicable to Jews” – djingo
· “Still paying down the debt from Dad’s mid-life crisis” – Allison
· “You Know What I Like Better Than Welfare Checks? Nothing.” – Amos
· “You know I only get paid for sending them pre-teens” – kasey
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

His Mom Always Said That, Too, But She Meant the Other Kind of Special

Girl: I accidentally got on at the wrong station and my card says “just used.” Could you let me through?
MTA employee: You broke the rules. Do you think it’s okay to break the rules where you work?
Girl: I’m sorry?
MTA employee: Oh, you must think you’re special. Guess what? You’re not.
Girl: My mom says I’m special. –Bergen St. subway, Brooklyn