Archive for the ‘iPod’ Category

Whatever You Do, Don't Drop Your Wednesday One-Liner in the Toilet

Dude with headphones on: How the fuck did Britney Spears get on my iPod?

–13th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Alice

Bus driver: Next stop, 47th Street. And to the asshole who has his iPod on too loud, turn it down or I'll throw you the fuck off.

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: Turned mine off immediately

White girl: It was like Hanukkah on my iPod yesterday! It said there was no battery left but it lasted for two hours!

–Bayside, Queens

Overheard by: Alexandra

Dad to girl: If you can just get over being a pissy girl, you get a free iPod Touch.

–23rd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Jill Twiss

Really stoned girl, looking at iTunes latest releases: iFart mobile? Do they really have that for sale? iPhone can fart now? (pause) Is there anything an Apple device can't do?

–Bayside, Queens

Man playing electric guitar on subway: I take Mexican money, I take umbrellas. I take whatever you got. I have three kids at home who need iPods.

–2 Train

Overheard by: res

Oh Wait a Minute, I Think She's Having a Seizure

Girl: See that lady over there? She's like…orgasming to her iPod.
Guy: (laughs)
Girl: No, seriously. She's so funny to watch. Who the fuck orgasms to a song?
Guy: I'd orgasm to a good song.
Girl: Yeah? What's a good song?
Guy: That one by Nine Inch Nails. Something like “I Wanna Fuck You Like an Animal.”
(little boy observing animals stares, puzzled)

–Central Park Zoo

Anything for a Laugh, You Know?

Blonde girl: I saw that really handsome guy on the bus yesterday, and I was so happy cuz I haven't seen him in a month. I actually got really close to him, too. But the worst thing happened.
Brunette girl: Oh, that like, 40-year-old hot guy? What, was he like, hideously disfigured up close or something? Did he smell like bologna?
Blonde girl: No. He was gorgeous and perfect as usual. It was much worse. I was listening to my iPod, and I noticed he was talking on the phone. I turned my iPod down to hear his voice, finally, and it…it was not good.
Brunette girl: Not god?
Blonde girl: It was like fucking Ray Romano. With the honk and the accent and the shrill nasal whine! I wanted to die! I wanted to die.

–R Train

Wednesday One-Liners Want You to Know About the Size of Their Bank Accounts

Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now.

–W Houston

Overheard by: Let's face it, we were all new at one point.

40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I'm incredibly happy, but I'm not aware of how happy I am.

–81st & Madison

Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that's when you're going to want to have a Visa card.

–Stanton & Christie

Overheard by: Ross

Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi!

–Dice Thai, Prospect Park

Overheard by: I'll take sushi too but you're payin', kid

Wednesday One-Liners for the Pod People

Hipster girl: You really need to hear his podcast about how technology is raping our souls.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: Jekke

Hipster on cell: So I just got my new iPod… Yeah, it’s awesome! All I need now is a job, and I’m totally set!

–Stillwater, E 4th & 2nd

Overheard by: Pedro Van

Dude: I think my iPod’s gay.

–23rd St F stop

Overheard by: Eliot

Chemistry teacher: I am not liking annoying sound. Today on subway there was man with pants, like, here [motions to mid-thigh] and loud, how you call?… iPod! I am thinking, ‘He is going to lose his pants!’ And he stand on crowded train and sing with iPod. He give us concert, and am I thinking, ‘Why he not dead yet?’

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Little boy, about man blaring music from cell: Geez, just get an iPod, dude!

–Crowded A train

Overheard by: Neal Mortimer

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Hear a Word You’re Saying

Mom to two-year-old bawling in stroller: Adriana, I am not going to argue with you — you are not getting an iPod!

–14th St, between 5th & 6th Ave

Panhandler: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I’m homeless, and I’m hungry. If anyone can help me out with food, something to drink, a spare iPod, a Macy’s gift card, or anything else that rhymes with that, I’d appreciate it. I know you’re human. We have to help each other out. If you were slaves, I’d free all of you. Even the white people.

–Manhattan-bound A train

Overheard by: courtenay

Mother yelling at misbehaving 11-year-old son: Do you want to be grounded from your iPod this weekend?

–22nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Dave H.

Aerobics instructor: Yeah, I’ve got everything I need — I’ve got an iPod, I’ve got a boyfriend…

–W 63rd & West End Ave

Overheard by: Suze V

Gay barista with asymmetrically-fashioned hair: Oh, yeah, I had really fancy ear bud headphones, too… But then I dropped them in a puddle of my own vomit on the subway, so now I have cheap ones. Yeah, that sucked.

–Bushwick Ave, East Williamsburg

Old woman pointing at guy’s iPod: Excuse me, young man, but what is that?

–Times Square shuttle

Overheard by: goofopet

I Gave Him My Best Parker Posey Lip Curl and Left the Train

Snooty alternative chick: So, for some reason I always get these creepy guys talking to me on the train. This one guy on the ride over here looked over at my iPod and I was listening to The Fall, right? And he’s like, ‘That’s an interesting song. It’s like punk, right?’ And so then he pulls out his iPod and starts trying to impress me with his shitty music list.
Alternative guy: What was on it?
Snooty alternative chick: Blink 182 and Good Charlotte and stuff… And it’s like, ‘Um, you’re a guy on the N train who started talking to me, you’re not gonna get in my pants… And you’re especially not gonna get in my pants if you don’t know who The Fall are! That’s totally a prerequisite.’

–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl